Christmas plans

If DH's sons are coming for a week, then some of that time you can bunk off and spend with your children. I imagine it'll be full house!!

I hope you're not thinking you have to be there to cook, clean and supervise? They are all adults and can do all that for themselves. Let them.

It might be very valuable indeed for DH to have his tribe around him alone - but you only need to spend a short time in the chaos party house

Arrange to greet the guests and help them settle in but then get away to your own little family as soon as possible.

When Dad and sons get together, I imagine there'll be so much reminsicing and chatter; you'd be swamped by it all.

And dates don't matter. Last year, we had Christmas Day on 24th because dil wanted to spend the 25th with her sister, in a distant city.
We had a great time; I had Xmas Day alone (bliss after a full on 24th) -everyone more than happy.

But you said your DD wasn’t staying this year and you usually don’t see your DS at Christmas, so I can’t see that you’d be seeing less of them because of your DSS and his family are staying, can’t you meet up with your AC some other time? Or do you just resent all the “hosting” you are having to do, as that can be hard work with all the cooking, cleaning shopping etc. Does your DH share the chores associated with his guests? If not, you should insist he steps up to the plate.

I always find with this kind of thing, that you just have to grit your teeth and get on with it! But having said that, a week can be a very long time.

I’m sure it’s lovely for your husband to have all his family around, but I can’t help feeling he’s being a bit unfair to you, why can’t the son from abroad spend some time with his brothers? And however well you get on with them all, they aren’t your family, and you’re bound to get bored with their reminiscing about people you’ve never heard of.

I don’t know what I can offer in the way of advice, it seems like a done deal, but as Bradfordlass said, you’re not there to wait on them hand and foot, let them look after themselves a bit!

Good luck.

I think you're OK with the fact that you'll be spending Christmas day with your DHs son/family from abroad, as your own DD/family, who you normally spend Christmas with, have made alternative plans this year. You say that your DS will be alone this year ... could you not invite him over to join you for Christmas day, or would he simply not want to join you with your DHs family?
I can understand that, even though you're not getting together with your DD for Christmas day, you will still want to spend some time with your DD and her family over the Christmas period. You say that you are talking to your husband about this, and you don't want to ruin his enjoyment, but by the same token, it's not all just about his family. Could you not simply explain to him that whilst you're happy for his son & family to stay with you over Christmas, you really want to be able to spend some time seeing your own family too, without it being a massive joint family affair. Could you not arrange a day for a get-together with them during the Christmas holiday, and let your DHs son & family do their own thing for a day? You can always tell them it was pre-planned as you won't be able to spend Christmas with your own daughter & family this year ...

You say usually your daughter comes up every Christmas and stays a few nights but this year she is doing something different and your stepchild wants to stay for a week.

You cannot expect your husband to be happy for your daughter to stay over for 3 days every Christmas but then not make the effort with his son who lives abroad for one Christmas.

I doubt he expects you to stay home the full 7 days and would understand you visiting your biological children (although you previously stated they are doing something new).

Reported

You said your daughter is doing something different this year, and your son will be on his own. Is that right? Could you arrange to see your son, perhaps for an overnight stay, so two days, in the week your husband’s family are over? Does your son have his own place where he could accommodate you? Perhaps you don’t want to leave your house with all those people in it. I wouldn’t blame you. Do they have to stay with you? Could your stepson from abroad stay with his brothers, at least for some of the time? I’m not surprised you’re stressed, it’s a lot of people to cater for, for a whole week, and my experience of everyone mucking in just doesn’t work! I think you need to discuss this with your husband. I appreciate he’s excited, but you’re obviously not, and that’s not fair. Good luck with it all?.

What am I missing here kitty? It’s an October thread and it appears you have pulled it up to report it.

I’m puzzled!

And me urmston. I'm sure I didnt do that!

Oh yes, I didn’t notice it was written in October.

What do you mean Kitty? Did you not really report something?

There wasn't anything to report was there?

You dont need to be there the whole time they are visiting do you? Go off and have a bit of time with your family for part of gge visit would be my suggestion

Ok, since this was posted in October, I hope things have been resolved by now, Semiruralgirl. What has been decided?

IMO, your SS (stepson) was a little out-of-line to just tell you and DH that he and his family are coming to spend Xmas with you for a week. They have a right to come home to the UK whenever they wish, of course, but they should have asked you and DH if they could stay w/ you or if it would be better if they found their own accommodations nearby. But what's done is done, I suppose.

I'm glad that DH is discussing it w/ you and didn't just say, "Great! We'd love to have you!" I just hope he let SS know that he had to talk it over w/ you before making definite plans.

I realize he's excited to see his DS (dear son) and family at Xmas, but since you're involved w/ them for the whole month of July, IMO, DH should understand that you might not want to host them for a whole week at Xmastime, as well.

Regardless, I agree w/ those who say you should spend at least part of that time away from your home w/ your own DS. etc. It's understandable that DH is eager to have his son there at Xmas, but then, let him be ready and willing to do the hosting. This visit may well set a precedent for the future, so, IMO, you need DH, SS, and family to see that you won't be at their beck and call at this time of year as you are in July.

But chances are, the decisions have already been made. So please let us know what's happening...