GC born during lockdown. Have you seen them?

Health comes first.

How about a videocall?

My grandson was born beginning of April and even though he lives 1/2 hours drive away I haven’t seen him. I have photos and videos but am keeping away because his parents work in a school and hospital and are at high risk of catching virus. I haven’t been out of the house since March 4 as I’m at high risk due to health problems. To my mind it’s better safe than sorry, if I was to introduce something to them I would be devastated, just as they would be if they passed something to me. Also the baby won’t remember if you are there or not. If you want to show love then how about cards or presents sent in post. You can also do Argos deliveries to their address which I’ve done a few times for my older grandsons. Hope this helps.

Our DGS5 was born in early April and we have seen him and his mum and dad several times, from when he was about four weeks old (on that occasion it was him in his car seat, us six feet away at our front door). There really is hardly any risk to either party from a socially distanced walk in the fresh air or an hour sitting in the garden. Though of course if you’re in a highly vulnerable category yourself it’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to take even that risk.

Is it that your daughter doesn’t want you to stay over or even go inside her house, HarlemShuffle? It is allowed now in England, but of course that’s her call. 300 miles is a long way to drive for a sit in the garden.

Thanks everyone. This is DH's daughter, with whom I basically have no relationship (long story, but her choice a long time ago). We are not yet retired, both fit and healthy.

We get video calls from time to time, usually when the baby is asleep or screaming his head off and we have of course sent a card and gift, but it's not the same for DH (and me?) as being able to visit. At present she will let no-one inside the house, whatever Boris says. We wouldn't want to stay with them, I think that would be too much, but to be able to visit would be good for DH and I know he's struggling with it being so open ended.

I just wondered whether any other young mums were taking the same view.

How is the relationship between your dh and her dd?

Why would she want you to visit if she has chosen to have no relationship with you? What happened?

Given that SD’s having a life altering event occur during a pandemic, maybe cut her some slack about protecting her family?
Also, you’ve said you have no relationship with her, so I don’t understand your expectation to have one with her child?
In her shoes I’d be very reluctant to have anyone travel several hundred miles to visit my home with a newborn baby.

it's up to her, as the mother, to put her baby's interests before anything else, including wishes/expectations of GPs.
he must realise that.
it really doesn't matter what other mothers are doing.
it is her decision. that is her absolute right.
and it ought to be easier to bear knowing that it is not personal against him; she is not letting anyone in the house.
if he pressures her or bothers her or goes on about how he is feeling, she may never let him near, so beware.

Answering your title, your dh has also seen your gc via videoconference multiple times.

Be patient, respect the parents' rules and it will all work out.

I dont blame her for being anxious. She is looking after her newborn and a visit in person is a very unnecessary risk that can be easily avoided.

"Thanks everyone. This is DH's daughter, with whom I basically have no relationship (long story, but her choice a long time ago). We are not yet retired, both fit and healthy."
This is very relevant to the story, what happened that she cut you off?

"We get video calls from time to time"
Thst is great! So you and your are included and she is keeping you up to date!

"usually when the baby is asleep or screaming his head off"
What would you prefer to happen? Baby awake?

"and we have of course sent a card and gift, but it's not the same for DH (and me?) as being able to visit."
It's great you sent a gift.
Re: not visiting - what external people want and are not part of the core family is not important.

"At present she will let no-one inside the house, whatever Boris says."
Boris is not her boss. She doesnt have to listen to him or follow anything he says.

"We wouldn't want to stay with them, I think that would be too much, but to be able to visit would be good for DH and I know he's struggling with it being so open ended."
Wants are nice to have and may ir not happen.
Needs come first.
Your dh has to adjust his expectations to this reality, not to the reality he has in his mind

"I just wondered whether any other young mums were taking the same view."
It doesnt matter whether young, old, in the middle moms share the same view. It won't change your situation.

It must be very hard for a father not to be able to see his daughter for three months after she has given birth, and particularly not to be given any idea of when he will be allowed to do so. First-time mums have had to cope without the usual physical midwife/HV/baby clinic/GP/friend and family support at a vulnerable time and no doubt your DH is worried about her, HarlemShuffle. It’s surprised me that the attitude of so many older women has been “well I had to cope without much support so they’ll just have to get on with it”. I doubt many, if any, of us were cooped up indoors for weeks on end, with no visitors or change of scene.

I hope your DH’s daughter has a supportive partner, and is looking after her own physical and mental well-being. From experience I can say that mums can feel very isolated during this time, even though people are there for her at the end of a phone line, and of course they are missing out on the normal experience of those precious first weeks as a new mum, which they will never get back. To our DD, having us see her baby in person was hugely important, and she is feeling so much happier now that she can get out and about more, seeing those who care for her and meeting up at last, even at a distance, with other new mums in the same position. Being able to register him this week was a major step towards normality!

I hope things improve for you all soon, HarlemShuffle, and wish you and your family all the best.

Thank you @Maggiemaybe

I don't blame your SD, to be honest, HarlemShuffle (are you a dancer? I think your DH will have to be happy with the video calls and photographs for a while yet. I am missing my grandchildren but they are too far away for a quick garden visit and I wouldn't want to stay over with them or stay in a hotel either. It's a hard time but we will get through it.

Hello Harlem Shuffle, so sorry to hear of your predicament. Do you think it is more to do with any ‘ history’, rather than the virus? Even if it isn’t, she has had one of life’s big life changers, and you’d expect most new mums to be out of sorts normally, let alone in these strange times. I appreciate your husband being sad, but you have to go along with her wishes, for the long term good. You wouldn’t want to risk any future happiness for the sake of one visit now. Thank goodness for modern technology which allows us so much more communication.

Because we are local we have seen our lockdown granddaughter from a distance but like yours my DiL will not allow anyone in the house and it is her 4th baby ! I try to see the positive though and believe it is an excellent bonding opportunity for DS who is working from home and the other three children who are not attending school or nursery at the moment. They all help out with the new baby.Does your DiL have any support during the day?