Daughter’s drink problem

It's hard Lesley60 but there is nothing you can do until your daughter admits she has a problem and asks for help. Let her know you are there to help when she is ready.
It's sad watching someone we love going down this road but your daughter is responsible for herself and her actions none of this is your fault.

I agree with sodapop, she has to want to change. Maybe, if you can, you just offer as much support to your grandchildren as possible. They all sound well adjusted despite everything. You’ve obviously tried so hard over the years, maybe now is the time to back right off. You need to look after yourself now.?

Perhaps contact Al anon for families of alcoholics? They could offer you support. I agree with the others that you need to back off now for your own sake. Do not engage with her when she is drunk. Do not offer her help unless she asks for it. You are enabling her addiction by supporting her, although, as a mother, that's what you want to do. I feel very sorry for you watching her go down this path. However she is an adult and can make her own choices. ?

You poor lady. I know someone who had a drink issue and it was awful. They become so verbally abusive and can damage those around them to the point they saty away as you have said. Only the drinker can resolve this problem and they have to want to get help. I dont envy you at all.

Speaking as a recovering alcoholic ( 34 years) I say the above is right. I had to reach my own rock bottom , and it was really really bad.

Say

Well done Grannylyn65 its good to have advice from someone who has been there. Must have been hard for you I imagine. You have my respect.

Dear Lesley, I am so sorry to read of your troubles with your daughter. adfam.org.uk is an organisation for people who have family or loved ones with addiction problems including with alcohol. They have chat forums where you might find some help. You have to save yourself from the impact her drinking is having, just as your daughter has to save herself.

for you.

Thank you all so much for your kind replies and advice, as you say it’s so hard to watch your child ruining her life, wracking your brain what to do, I long to go back to the days I could make everything better with a kiss.
May I also say well done to grannylyn65 ?

I can’t imagine what it’s like when this is the daughter you love - even if she’s often not very likeable.
I do know from my work years ago though, that she will have to be at rock bottom to accept help - and sadly this will be much worse than what you think is rock bottom.

But people such as grannylyn above, are testament to the fact that recovery is possible. Please don’t despair, but I don’t believe anything you could say or do will make a difference.

Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.
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Lesley60 - you have good advice and support here. Grannylynn 65 tells it like it is, thanks for that and can I add brave woman , well done x

Well done * grannylyn65*!
Something to be proud of.

Yes indeed grannylyn you - and others like you - exemplify hope in action. People can and do recover. 34 years of sobriety is an impressive achievement.

I feel for you and I feel for your daughter she must be so unhappy alienating everybody but as other have said so little you can do until she is ready to end her lonely relationship with booze
Well done grannylyn

The problem is bluebelle she thinks everyone else is always at fault never her, when she is verbally abusive she thinks everyone should forget what she has said but sometimes you can’t, I know as her mother I have to forgive but her friends don’t, neither do new partners.
I worry so much for her future.

I’ve been in the same position now 24 years sober. It’s a horrendous condition to get out of once you’re locked in. It’s not her talking it’s the alcohol it permeates your brain and affects your view on the world. It takes 2 years to leave your system and causes insanity. I didn’t have what could be described as a rock bottom I just had a moment of clarity and was sick and tired of being sick and tired. However, I had to reach that decision myself. Resentment is No.1 offender. Nobody could fix me but me. I was the problem. Al anon is a place you can get help probably online now. It’s not your fault remember that.

Some brave posts on here, well done. x

Hi. You have my sympathy and I really hope that one day your daughter will reach that point when she knows she has to get help. Addiction is so cruel. I hope very much that one day you will get that beautiful little girl back. I was in that boat only a few weeks ago with my daughter. She has 2 beautiful little girls and a successful business and I fear that she could lose everything. She's been sober for nearly 4 weeks so I'm praying this will be it now. Good luck to you and your family.