I am 82 and have been on HRT for over thirty years - attempts to stop always having resulted in joint pains, insomnia, exhaustion, weakness and the feeling that my pilot light had been switched off. My thinking became muddled and my memory suffered. So I kept on taking it, though switching to low-dose. Now, the last of the old style GPs, who believed that quality of life is important, and who treated me as an intelligent woman capable of understanding risks and making choices, has retired. I am faced with a group of brisk number-crunchers who intend to extend my life by taking away the thing helped me to live rather than exist. Four months on, I don’t care about the flushes and sweats, which are decreasing, as are the joint pains, but I have ceased to be the lively, active, interested person I was. There is no spark left. I was walking daily, three to four miles, going to the gym twice weekly to use the rowing-machine, and attending exercise classes. I was out doing something every day. Now, I don’t go out at all unless I need to buy food - some days I don’t even unlock the front door. I have projects to complete - family history stuff, and poems to work on, but it’s all too much trouble, and I’m not thinking clearly enough. I believe that I am starting to dement and I’m terrified. I knew this would happen, and warned the doctors, but they “know better” of course. But I know my body, and I know my mind. I used to think that I’d last till my late eighties, clear-thinking and active with the aid of HRT - and now I feel betrayed and powerless, and know that I’ll have to make an early exit to avoid the full horrors of dementia. Not yet, but within the foreseeable future. Sorry to be depressing, but that’s how it is.