Su127
Sorry about a late arrival here.
I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's death in a car accident. I would not be surprised if you can hardly think straight! I do hope you are finding a way through the grief and shock. I do hope you have good, caring friends around you.
Your explanation regarding your living circumstances is very clear. I think it best to have a legal mind look at it. Lesley1711 above has given excellent advice, imho, as have so many others. I will try and suggest how you can deal with this emotionally. When I have to achieve something with people who make me nervous, I act as though I am very self-assured and calmly knowledgeable about what I am doing. I sometimes imagine how a person I know who is always composed and very dignified with an important job would say what I am going to say. I take various characters from TV as role models!!
Be firm and try and keep unemotional about it. Act as though you are the Headmistress and they are the fourth form pupils who are trying to break a few rules. Try and use a bright and purposeful tone of voice when explaining the Contract, which is a necessary part of you all living in your house, to your family. Just get it done with a Solicitor, without talking to them about it and bring the written up Contract to them to sign, with witnesses. Explain that it is a perfectly normal procedure.
Considering the way you are dividing the house, I would imagine there could possibly be Council Charge implications. It might be wise to make sure about this, although the share staircase may make it one dwelling with allocated rooms. But do make sure you are on the right footing. I imagine they have separate dustbins for example? Also make sure your insurance is the right type. Please forgive me if I am telling you what you know!
As far as I can see your daughter's family must sign a proper tenancy agreement and have a rent book. She and her husband sound as if they are taking advantage of you. At this agonising time while you are grieving it is essential that you get good professional advice and do not try and deal with this on your own. Obviously you do not "sign over" your part of the house to them! That is preposterous! I know they are using the 'if you need care' situation but get advice. I do not think they can be thrown out as it will be their home.
Are they trying to get to own the whole house without paying a penny towards it so far? That worries me too, because once you are in the house you will have overheads, and their rent will be necessary. I hope they will be reliable in paying it. The Tenancy contract will say what will happen in the event of their non payment of rent. This is a perfectly normal thing to do. I would have thought they would be pleased to have everything organised and above-board - for their own pride! I would, in their position, not want to let anyone think I was sponging off my mother now that I was an adult with my own family, and the Tenancy Contract is proof that they would want to do the right thing. It might be worth saying this.
I am very sorry to be rather blunt, but this is your money in those bricks, it is your asset. Should something dramatically change in your life you might need to sell it! That is extremely unlikely of course, or you would not be planning ahead to live there, but you must keep your name on the title deeds, please. They must know that being tenants means keeping to the contract of the Tenancy too. That is essential!
I would try and act calmly around them and get this sorted out with a Solicitor. Before you get the Contract written up think of the rules you want put in it, such as what they are responsible for and how the garden is to be shared. A good Solicitor will be able to give advice on that too. We had to live-in for work years ago. We let our house to Tenants, so I remember getting the Contract drawn up.
Try and act as if you are a very well-informed and calmly professional person who knows what is to be done. Put on an act of this. Do not discuss with them whether to have a contract and definitely do not discuss "signing over" your part! That idea fills me with misgiving I am sorry to say. I do understand the fees for if you need to go into care, but if it is their home nobody can throw them out. Anyway, get legal advice! I am very worried about you losing any rights to your home and giving it over to them. Lesley told you what could happen, should they divorce.
If your daughter and her family want to share your house, they have to do it properly. You will need to pay tax on their rent as well (there used to be an allowance for expenses on certain things) so once you start, phone the tax office for advice. They are extremely helpful, contrary to what some people imagine!
I do hope you can find a good Solicitor Sul. Mine became a good friend! I think if you behave as if doing things your way, having a Contract is the normal procedure and just as ordinary as the builder having the windows put in, they will be unable to talk you down. They may try, but just don't enter into a discussion, remain the Headmistress! Treat it as a fēte accompli and as essential and ordinary as a front door.
Wishing you much happiness in your new home. I will not be able to get you out of my mind, as I feel sure that is the same for everyone here. If possible, please let us know how you get on.
Sending you much love and warmest wishes hoping everything turns out well,
Elle ?