Narcissism / narcissistic - labelling

Hallelujah! I'll don my asbestos underwear and join you geekesse, budge up!

I absolutely agree.
As my mum used to say, sometimes "it's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other."

Careful, that underwear might cause hemorrhoids! Hope y'all brought the witch hazel! ?

What's funny about narcissist frustration is that they stare into reflective screens all day, but worry about their underwear! ?

rosecarmel

Careful, that underwear might cause hemorrhoids! Hope y'all brought the witch hazel! ?

Rosecarmel, it’s really unkind of you to refer to my friend Hazel, whom I brought along, as a witch...

geekesse

rosecarmel

Careful, that underwear might cause hemorrhoids! Hope y'all brought the witch hazel! ?

Rosecarmel, it’s really unkind of you to refer to my friend Hazel, whom I brought along, as a witch...

?

geekesse I could have written your post. I agree with every word!

Agree. Someone recently complained about a relative’s behaviour and one reply said something along the lines of “she’s obviously a narc”. Aargh. Hate the abbreviation too.

Geekesse -
Thank you for a smile on a grey morning and a moment of respite from people who take themselves too seriously!

Well put, I agree totally .

“ I rue the day you were born”
“ You’re not fit to lick your brothers boots”
A beating for cleaning the floor with a mop and not on my hands and knees.
Emptying my bank account to provide a present for my wonderful brother.
Being told daily you were stupid.
Allowing me to be beaten by my father for something as trivial as dropping a tissue.
All this before the age of 12.
After this it got worse and worse.

My mother controlled what I ate, wore she was so nasty to any of my friends she took a dislike they wouldn’t come to my house.

She would lie about me to family friends, teachers telling them I was difficult.

By 13 I practically ran the house, I was her slave.

My brother and father were allowed to physically and verbally abuse me.
I must deserve it she would say.

All this time she would be telling me and anyone who would listen how wonderful she was, how hard she worked, how she had always been beautiful and clever.
How she deserved a better daughter.

I could go on but it becomes darker and too painful.
So if all of this gives you a good laugh then great.

You are crass and insensitive.

MissFoodLove nobody is laughing at you or your dreadful experiences

MissFoodLove, the joke was the backwards pun from ‘witch hazel’.

It sounds to me as if your Mother was indeed an ‘unpleasant, unkind, bullying, cruel, self-centred person’ who abused you dreadfully. You may have every right to be angry and bitter. My point was that the term ‘narcissist’ is not appropriate unless it is a medical diagnosis.

Missfoodlove. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through. However I think the point being made is that the term “ narcissist” is thrown around too easily nowadays and in fact using it to describe someone who is just a bit of a pain in the proverbial must surely offend you too as it belittles what your experience was.

To me it is like the throwing around of “I love you to bits” to someone who is actually just a good mate !

“As soon as I see someone using that term about another person, it tells me at least as much about the person using it as it does about the subject of their complaint.”

I find the whole tone of this thread hurtful.

I feel the insinuation is that because I have described my mother as a “narc” then there is something wrong with me.

You didn’t think carefully enough before hitting the keyboard.

There are so many victims and survivors who have strived so hard to hold everything together.

You are belittling a group of people who have been belittled for most of their lives by the person that should love them the most.

MissFoodLove,

Oh, I thought very carefully before I hit the keyboard.

There are many posts on GN where people use the term to discuss relatives, alive or dead. You were not singled out, and it wasn’t a post of yours which started this train of thinking. Your experience of shocking abuse is not being questioned.

Please note that I posted this under the topic ‘Pedants’ Corner’, not ‘Relationships’ or Estrangement’. It is the use of language I am challenging, not the reality or effect of abuse.

I totally agree geekesse too much inappropriate labelling.

I am so sorry you experienced such awful problems Missfoodlove, I understand why you were annoyed by the post. The fact remains though that too many people throw these terms around without any real understanding.

Good point - it is in pedants corner. I have started giving my partner grief for saying something was an “absolute nightmare” when talking about a crowded car park or a phone call to his insurance company.

Missfoodlove

I feel the insinuation is that because I have described my mother as a “narc” then there is something wrong with me.

You didn’t think carefully enough before hitting the keyboard.

There are so many victims and survivors who have strived so hard to hold everything together.

You are belittling a group of people who have been belittled for most of their lives by the person that should love them the most.

Nobody is belittling anyone who has been the victim of genuine narcissistic people. It is the widespread use of the term by unqualified people that belittles your experience.

Nobody is belittling anyone who has been the victim of genuine narcissistic people. It is the widespread use of the term by unqualified people that belittles your experience.

Absolutely this.
As the OP says, the term is now used to describe anyone that we don't like or just don't get on with and by people who aren't qualified to make any such diagnosis. It seems to be used to add gravitas to their descriptions of others and to absolve themselves of any blame of the situation they're describing.

I get a bit out of shape when I hear diagnoses thrown around so casually as it make me wonder why I bothered to continually study for years when all I need to do was get on-line and I could be an instant expert :-)

Throwing around psychological terms seems to be as active now as it ever was :-) I too find it annoying but I remember when "Anal Retentive" was the throw around term.

Back in the 90's I read Christopher Lash's book "The Culture of Narcissism" and thought I hope things never get that bad but ... Sad, very sad.

I agree it does take more than reading about a persons hurts to diagnose another person as having a Narcissistic Personality Disorder or the often used short hand "Narc". Yet it seems to be the "go to" first option far too often.

To be fair for anyone trying to stay safe in difficult relationships researching Narcissism can be helpful and may offer ways to manage situations better.

But the caveat "a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing" is often ignored.

Knowing more than we did before can be helpful and the Internet is an amazing resource but the real skill is knowing how and when to use what we learn.

It's not just about learning a new term and throwing it about so I am pleased that you started this post as it has given me an opportunity to air my annoyance too.

All sorts ofbags I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the use of “oh he’s on the spectrum”?
Usually when Describing someone a bit abrupt or rude ?