Thank you Thatbags. The friend has been one of my own FB friends for ages now. This all came to a head over a tweet rather than FB but DD's request was to stop tweeting her friend as well as FB.
I feel that it is not my daughter's business at all who I communicate with privately, just as it is not mine to know her private communications. That is why FB is good, in that it does allow one to have private conversations. Those between myself and each of my daughters are also kept private.
Her friend likes to talk about books and writing and it is something we have in common. It is a great shame that I have to do it privately simply because my daughter is unhappy that I talk with her friend.
I have plenty of friends (of my own age and younger) petallus. I don't NEED her friend, but we enjoy each other's company online.
Petra - I would also feel I might open my mouth on a public FB thread, but you can delete your posts LOL
Elegran - she already knows I don't discuss anything personal at all and that it s general conversation, as she has seen for herself on the posts that are public. The private ones are exactly the same, just not posted publicly because they would bore the pants off anyone no interested in our bookish discussions! Have you told her that you will in no circumstances discuss her with her friend? That you do not discuss personal things, just general conversation?
I guess I do need to have the conversation face to face with her that you suggest here: That you do not dictate to her who it is she is talking to, and you would prefer it if she would not manage your life, as she would not like it if you managed hers?,
It will no doubt lead to a row and I hate confrontation. She always like to feel she is in control of every situation.