Hi guys, am new to this and to be honest I am only posting because I am at my wits end and I don't even know if its the right place to post or not. Please advise me of where to go if this is totally inappropriate.
I will try to be as concise as I possibly can although its a long saga.
Background: I was widowed young in 2001 and left with four young daughters. We moved from Scotland to England to be nearer family. My husband left us in a lot of debt and Life was tough but I managed to pull it around, settled all the debts, got a reasonably paid job and got us a house etc. We weren't rich but we wanted for nothing and were happy.
Fast forward I met someone new and remarried in 2009, and my daughters found partners and had families. I was so proud of them and what they had achieved. All with good jobs etc. My husband is a great step-dad and step grandad.
Sadly one of my daughters was married to a very controlling bully of a man who literally destroyed her piece by piece. It was heartbreaking for me to have to stand by and watch it. It took a long time for her to see it and by the time she did see it she had three children. She is now on her own with the three and the youngest is not yet one. My daughter is not coping well at all and is attending therapy and taking anti depressants.
She lives locally to me so I try to support and help out. The children's father has threatened both my daughter and myself and even a solicitor! He still has parental responsibility but moved a fair distance away with a new partner. He sees them every month or so - but refuses to pay any maintenance. Anyway I digress that is not what I am writing about.
The two eldest children 8 and 4 are completely out of control. I realise they miss their dad and think he is the most amazing thing ever. We never criticise him to them but I am suspecting he is doing it in reverse.
When I have them to stay with me they do nothing but argue and fight and refuse to do anything I or my daughter ask. They are so defiant and rude to both of us. We have tried everything recommended but nothing works especially with the 4 year old boy. If I take him anywhere he fights with other kids. Other parents then complain. Its got so bad my daughter is talking about killing herself and I am beginning to feel I hate these kids! I absolutely dread having to look after them. Today I actually hit one of them! I was so upset as I have never been one for smacking and never needed to with my own.
All treat days are ruined by bad behaviour. I have felt like leaving them in the centre of town when they have run off and refused to come with me. Seriously I wanted to just walk away and leave them to it! My head felt it was bursting and I stood and cried. Obviously I then came to my senses but I really really felt like just running off and leaving them. I am scared I will do just that! Or worse - what if I hurt them? I now understand just what 'blind rage' is. Sometimes I feel such hatred for them and then others I love them to bits again. Its really hard for me to admit this to anyone which is why am pouring it all out. How can a grandma actually dread being with her grandchildren? How can I have such evil thoughts? It doesn't help my daughter either. She is extremely fragile.
On top of that I have an elderly mother I care for and I still work part-time too. Its all getting too much and its affecting my marriage also. My husband has taken a step back as he is scared he will blow his top. We should be FREE now but we just aren't. I am 64 by the way.
I need some help to cope but don't know where to turn. I am sure a lot of you will feel I am just weak but I am not!
For info I have 8 other grandchildren who are a joy to have. I accept the products of a broken home are grieving in their own way but how do I get them all back on track - my daughter included - is there any help of any kind? I am thinking maybe just a few pointers from you guys might help in some small way?
Sorry to rant........
Anything may help - except saying - its a phase because we all may not survive this 'phase' .
Is there anyone who still thinks that Israel's actions in Gaza are justifiable?
Is it me or am I getting mixed messages