For years now I've struggled with my 5 children. Recently in April my GD was born. Initially I felt ok then the usual despair of it all set in. I argue constantly with her dad, my son, in fact I struggle to be a mum to all of my kids. My work friends and friends go on about their GC and Kids but I feel no connection at all. I'm polite but I just don't feel it at all.
We have always been an argumentative family, although I realise that this is mainly due to my bond with my kids. As babies things weren't to bad but as they hit the difficult teens life spiralled out of control. My DH works away and has done for years so the parenting has always fallen down to me. Maybe that is why I struggled as times where hard and it really was a daily slogg. Dealing with 4 fighting boys and DD who was distant. Every day there would be some sort of trouble either with the neighbours kids or the police. Now in their 20's I have less fondness to them and the one who lives at home I just can't wait until he moves out. My DD is at Uni locally but lives more with her boyfriends family and I don't even worry.
I am so wanting to go away for Xmas But DH wants to stay at home. What for I do not know as none of them shall bother. I won't see my GD and I am not bothered. Gosh that sounds horrid!!! But I really can't find the feelings at all. Maybe I'm just depressed? I actually don't know but these days I would rather not be at home. I work two jobs at total of over 50 hours a week just to not be home. They call me Evil and awful maybe I am I actually don't know anymore. Am I abnormal? Am I Bad and Nasty?
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