Silentwitness
Partner and I have been together 25 years. Both early 60s. He had prostate cancer treated with hormones and radiotherapy so sex was not then possible. Since treatment ended we have managed intercourse twice though not very satisfactorily for either of us. For the last few months neither of us has raised the subject or apparently had the urge - I definitely haven't. He's retired early and the combination of us being together a lot more and little intimacy is causing us to drift apart. I suffer from vaginal dryness and he was using Viagra even before the cancer. How do we restore things? Clearly we need to talk but I'm quite happy without sex though I do miss the closeness we once had. A trip to GP? (Have name changed in case anyone wonders who this new person is)
Prostate cancer treatment is very damaging for sexual function, however, there are some very good treatments now available. Viagra is unlikely to work on its own but there are other treatments available such as injection therapy. This can sound gruesome but we use it a lot in our clinic with excellent results. The name of the injection is Invicorp if you would like to read about it or ask your GP if you can be referred to a specialist in sexual medicine or an Urologist to discuss these options. It is available on the NHS too. It is a very small needle and does not cause pain. Normally you are taught together as a couple how to use it. There is also a vacuum device and rings that can be used and again one of these can be prescribed on the NHS. Do remember though that it isn't always necessary to focus on penetrative sex. Foreplay can be just as enjoyable and an erection isn't necessary for this, enjoyment, intimacy and closeness can still be achieved.
For the vaginal dryness there are some wonderful lubricants on the market. One of the best ones is YES YES, it is natural and organic. They do a water based and an oil based lubricant and theses can be mixed together to give what we call a double glide technique! If you contact the company they will send you a sample to try. The website is yesyesyes.org.uk They also do a vaginal moisturiser that you can use every few days that can also help with just general day to day comfort. We do now also know that localised oestrogen cream or pessary can be used very safely at any age. You can read more about this on menopausematters.co.uk
As it has been a long time since you have been sexual, it can be very scary starting your sex life again, this is where a sex therapist can really help. You may have someone available locally on the NHS or to see someone privately look on the COSRT website (college for sex and relationship therapists) you will find a list of accredited therapists who are highly trained in this area. You have to start slowly, dating again, kissing and cuddling until you feel more relaxed before progressing to anything more sexual.