It's over four years since Trudy last joined us to answer your questions, so we are delighted to welcome her back to do more of the same.
Whatever your question - be it about how sex/long-term relationships have evolved as we get older, the effect of menopause on both, starting new relationships, sexual difficulties or anything else in this field - do add it to this thread before midday on Weds 27 February.
ANONYMITY
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More about Trudy Hannington
She is a Senior Psychosexual Therapist who leads a team of 4 psychosexual therapists at the Leger clinic in Doncaster. She has worked in sexual health for over 25 years and her specialist interest is combining medical treatments with sex therapy to optimise outcomes for patients. She is an accredited member, supervisor and former chair of COSRT (College for Sex & Relationship Therapists) and registered with UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy) She won Yorkshire Woman of the Year award in 2004 and is a Committee Member for the British Society of Sexual Medicine. She also appeared as the specialist psychosexual therapist in the Channel 4 documentary “The Week The Women Came”.
Speaking to my closest old friends, all in their 70's, it seems that the general consensus is that they are glad that this aspect of their life/relationship has dwindled away. The only dissenters are a youngish widow, and one whose DH is no longer capable.
Partner and I have been together 25 years. Both early 60s. He had prostate cancer treated with hormones and radiotherapy so sex was not then possible. Since treatment ended we have managed intercourse twice though not very satisfactorily for either of us. For the last few months neither of us has raised the subject or apparently had the urge - I definitely haven't. He's retired early and the combination of us being together a lot more and little intimacy is causing us to drift apart. I suffer from vaginal dryness and he was using Viagra even before the cancer. How do we restore things? Clearly we need to talk but I'm quite happy without sex though I do miss the closeness we once had. A trip to GP? (Have name changed in case anyone wonders who this new person is)
Oh dear am beginning to fear even obvious humour does not work on here anymore. Am sure There are plenty of 'older/mature etc' folks having a full and enjoyable time....it was just very noticeable that more people on GN seemed to be interested in Sleep problems...or Cauliflower cheese.
I have had bladder and prostate cancer had radiotherapy for prostate 5years ago and am all clear but sex not good nhs have been fantastic with different treatments without success have one more to try and if no success we have decided to not have any more when I tell nhs I am 80 yrs old they say no problem .plus I had heart valve replacement 6months after radiotherapy my wife is fantastic about it all she says we have had a good sex life had 2 daughters,4grandchildren 3great grandchildren plu 1 more later this year .
Tracker, I'm sorry to hear of your health problems, but glad to hear your dw (dear wife) is so loving and reasonable about the lack of sex,
Imo, there are other ways to be "intimate," people, if sex is off the table. Shared experiences, shared viewpoints, the joys of our dd and gc, etc. - so much more makes me feel intimate with dh than just the physical
Does anyone really want to discuss their sex life on a forum which is open to the public - even under a new username? Can you imagine the field day the DM would have about grannies sex lives!
sex, is that not what coal used to come in? But seriously I am very happy if 'older' folks have full and frank physical intimacy but as we age there are more ways that we can get out of step with each other due to changes in health and other bodily limitations. I think there is just as much real closeness to be had from a mutual understanding of each others feelings and wishes. When I know that OH really 'gets' me and how I feel about something I really feel close to him and vice versa.
My question is this. We are both in our mid 60s and happy in our relationship but our sex life is dwindling greatly. When it happens we both enjoy it. I think we would both like it to happen a bit more. But life, tiredness, family stress gets in the way. Do you have any suggestions? We are not ready to give up
Hello Trudy. I am in my mid 50s and my husband is ten years older. I really enjoy sex but increasingly he is becoming less interested. Our relationship is good aside from this and I don't want this to damage it. But what can we do when one wants it and one doesn't? One of us is going to end up frustrated or pressurised which is not good.
Since my husband had surgery on his back last year he has found it difficult to have sex. Wea re both keen but it just doesn't seem to be happening for him and maybe the more we are worrying about this, the less likely it is to improve. The doctor says there is no reason why we can't resume our sex life so there is no medical problem. We have thought about Viagra but were nervous about it. Can you put our minds at rest? Thank you
We been married for 17 yrs all in our late 60s. DH was diagnosed with heart problems 13 years ago and told by the doctor he will die if he have sex, we have not had sex since. I am very unhappy. Any advice?