It is almost impossible for me to talk about the current family member with problems, so I will talk about my sister. Once she became ill, as a teenager, the family dynamic focussed on her. I had to become resilient and independent. In the fifty plus years since then she has been up and down, but my parents always supported her. I would expect nothing less. But it nearly destroyed my father. He only began to recover once she was moved into supported accommodation about 20 years ago, and for the first time my parents spent Christmas with me, the only time, as they did not live long after that. My sister is still alive and I visit her from time to time, but others look after her.
I only wish my father could have given up feeling so responsible for her. Eg driving twenty five miles each way because she had lost her house keys, a frequent occurrence, which exhausted him as an elderly man.
Now history is kind of repeating itself and I am able to distance myself as it is not my child. I am only too aware of the effects on the family but I dare not get involved. MH is all- consuming, and very destructive of other relationships. It is really hard to see what is happening and say nothing.