Manners

I used to teach nursery nurses and I agree with you Bbarb. There is a difference between training young children and educating them. Please and thank you usage is an example of training to fit in with the sort of society the kids are expected to be at home in. The words and even the sentiment don't matter except inasmuch as they are conventions. However it's a snobbish world and kids need to be equipped to deal with it.

Long before children have developed their moral sense they need to be trained to behave nicely to others. The training should of course be light hearted and presented as play.

That’s incredible that he should think that way.
I love good manners and have always said the words we expect from our tiny grandchildren like ‘ Thank you Grandma ‘ when you give them something. And ‘ Ask me nicely ‘ when they want something. We have done this since they could speak and now they are learning to say it without prompting.

I suppose manners have disappeared down the same hole as 'thank you letters'.

Barb, your tutor clearly had no manners whatsoever, he didn’t agree with basic good manners and he had the rudeness to humiliate you in front of the whole class. In my opinion, he wasn’t fit to be a tutor.

I so agree with you Maddyone!

My GC know that is they want something from Grandma they have to say please!

I was talking to a Swedish friend this weekend - he said they don’t have a word for please, only thank you. However, he said you would ask for something politely as in ‘Would you mind passing me the milk’ and not just say ‘Pass the milk’

I was always brought up to use please and thank you, probably when it sometimes wasn’t required, and did the same with my own children. When DS went to play with a friend, he was about 4 years old, the mum commented on his lovely manners. I don’t think his own children are as well mannered, but compared to many, they are pretty good. Always ask to leave the table still at 14 and 12, well at our house anyway.

Suziewoozie, with regard to your Swedish friend's experience it's very good to train the young child in the locally correct form of words whatever that may be.

Any training will fall on stony ground unless the method is play and lighthearted.

I’m not disagreeing at all with that Alexa I just thought it was interesting not to have a word for please, that’s all.

In my opinion, learning good manners by rote is a different thing than consideration for others.
Please and thank you just parroted out is not an indication of kindness or good character.

My grandson isn't two yet and knows how to say please and thank you. Manners are important. They affect how others perceive you, whether you are well mannered or not.

Students that thank me as they leave my lesson make a good impression. It may be reflex, but it doesn't matter. It shows they appreciate someone else's effort.

Good manners are also politeness strategies. They're part of the socialisation process of a child. The child/adult with poor manners is not well received in society. By not teaching manners, you're disadvantaging your child .

I always loved it when I was working in Manchester and people thanked the bus driver when getting off

Susiewoozie I didn't realise that only happened here in Manchester! I thought everybody did it.

When I’d come back from a stay in Manchester, I used to do all sorts of things that took people aback. Thanking the bus driver, talking to people in the lift ....?

I soon went back to normal grumpy taciturn Southerner ?

Everyone says “thank you” to the bus driver in Birmingham. I think most people are polite, there have always been a few who are not.

We say thank you to bus drivers here in Liverpool too?

Maybe it’s just here that’s impolite

Everyone in the South London borough where I live thanks bus drivers too.

Oh dear - Surrey then

I wonder whether thanking the bus driver is a generational thing? I do it but don’t often see youngsters doing it - possibly because lots of them have their ear plugs in listening to whatever and they’re in their own little world?

Another thing I do in a restaurant is push my chair back in as I leave the table but I’ve noticed I’m the only one on so many occasions. If everyone did it there’d be more room to move around.

Bus drivers are thanked in north Wales too. I do despair of some of the rudeness I see and it's not just young people. My grandchildren are polite and always when asked in a restaurant what they would like say "may I please have" instead of "can I get"which many older people seem to do.

In Switzerland people thank the bus driver. Maybe it's universal.