Hi, don't really know where to start! I'm really down and lost at the moment, recently left my husband of 39 years for a 'trial separation' as couldn't put up with our lifestyle and his behaviour any more, why do I feel like like the bad guy in this?
I've always turned a blind eye to stuff throughout our marriage, catching him 'doing stuff' to the lingerie pages in my mail order catalogues, finding newspapers of page 3 girls in the bathroom, dirty mags in our bed etc.... until about a year ago, we had got for a day out to the seaside with our daughter and partner and he vanished in an amusement arcade (normal for him to wander off and leave me alone!) I went to find him and was shocked when I did! I saw him eyeing up a very young blonde, early 20s I would think, much younger than our daughter anyway, when I say eyeing up, he was behind her crouched over trying to look up her see through dress! I was so shocked and upset but tried to hide it and didn't mention it at the time, becoming suspicious I then took more notice of his behaviour when we were out and everytime something similar happened, usually ogling young women, particulary looking down their cleavage, this happened on several occassions, each time I never said anything. Breaking point came when came home from work to find he had been watching porn, I work full time and he 'retired' at 55 and refuses to get a job, to make matters worse it was on a day a very close family member passed away, I was mortified by this. this followed on by smutty videos on you tube, staying up till 1 or 2 am and then waking me up for sex, told me he watched the porn before having sex with me as I was too 'demanding' and wanted sex too much and he needed it! I got more and more depressed, drunk too much, argued too much and ended up in A&E twice! He involved our children and they took his side as he told them it was all in my mind and I was crazy! Have since spoken with my daughter and told her everything and she understands what has been going on and is so supportive, my son still thinks it's just a bit of 'babestation' and can't understand my upset! I have spent time watching him while working from home during lockdown, and he has admitted to 'watching' our blonde 27 year old neighbour in her back garden and in her bathroom (she has no blinds so fully visable) and on numerous occasions while I have been at work, they are both home all day. I also found binoculars in the hallway window but apparently watching 'planes'! All of this has driven me to dispair so I left about 8 weeks ago and rented a house, most of my belongings I left behind. I'm so confused right now he's asking me to go back but has refused couples counselling as 'he doesn't have a problem' and it's all in my head! I know it isn't but he's making me doubt myself, just needed to vent. sorry....
I am not a nasty person but ……