Loyal to my son.

I would suggest you maintain the contact you have Amanda until your son has had his belongings returned and then "cut all ties".

As you're on such good terms with the ex girlfriend and her family why don't you try and get his belongings back, then you could let your friendship with them fade away.

It serves no purpose for you to continue to be in contact in my opinion.

Yes I'd definitely keep in touch with the German family. Is there any way that they can send the items to you ?
Strangely enough, you may well find that should your son get his belongings back, he won't want them anyway ! He's just going through the motions of grieving for a relationship that he had high hopes for and his planned future so if he does start querying why you have kept in touch you can just say it was to make it easier to get his things back - but still be prepared for a possible backlash !

Amandajs66, why cut ties? I'm still friends with my son's ex (he finished the relationship) and her family. When a relationship ends, there really is no need to pick sides!

You can still be loyal to your son and stay on good terms with the family.
Why would they keep his things?
Has your son been in touch about the return of his belongings.
Always sad when these this happens especially when you have got to know and like people.

Riverwalk

As you're on such good terms with the ex girlfriend and her family why don't you try and get his belongings back, then you could let your friendship with them fade away.

It serves no purpose for you to continue to be in contact in my opinion.

All his belongings are in Germany, I’m in the uk. I have thought about it but obviously we can’t enter Germany at the moment. Plus I would have to drive over there, ( no much stuff to fit in a suitcase ) and as it’s not just around the corner it’s not that simple. xx

silverlining48

You can still be loyal to your son and stay on good terms with the family.
Why would they keep his things?
Has your son been in touch about the return of his belongings.
Always sad when these this happens especially when you have got to know and like people.

My son is still in Australia and the plan is to collect his belongings when he is back in Europe, hopefully next year.
They tried to stay in touch but things got heated when she moved in with someone else in Australia within a month of leaving my son.

You can be loyal to your son without involving yourself too much.

Once the relationship was over, what his ex does is her own business; not your sons, and certainly not yours.

I know it's hard when he is the injured party, but try not to cause bad feeling. Let him sort it out.

There are freight companies that deal with this sort of thing.

Some years ago a friend had her daughters belongings brought from France by a company - probably a car boot full in volume. I don't know the cost but the friend isn't wealthy so I assume it was reasonable, taking into account the value of the goods.

But that might not be economical if your son's stuff is just sleeping bags, old clothes, saucepans etc.

Riverwalk

There are freight companies that deal with this sort of thing.

Some years ago a friend had her daughters belongings brought from France by a company - probably a car boot full in volume. I don't know the cost but the friend isn't wealthy so I assume it was reasonable, taking into account the value of the goods.

But that might not be economical if your son's stuff is just sleeping bags, old clothes, saucepans etc.

Thanks for the info Riverwalk, I will definitely look into getting the items transported over for my son.
I have no idea what he has stored in Germany but he has said he wants it all back. xx

Amandajs66 My son had a few boxes brought back to UK from Germany when he was posted there a few years ago.
If you look on line for local a German Newspaper from the region the family live in you may find a driver who does regular trips back and forth,you will be charged for the space the boxes take up in a van.

There are quite a lot of drivers who go to and fro europe, we have used one As a family member lives in Germany. It worked well and wasnt too expensive . just googled and i got lots of different quotes from different drivers.

I disagree with people who say 'keep in touch'. I have a friend who did that with all her son's many girlfriends, and it just got silly. I would keep a courteous distance. 8 wouldn't even get involved with trying to get his stuff back. Adult children have to deal with adult challenges...

I not 8 ...

Don’t support him more than the bare minimum, he has “Bummed” his way round the world for 5 yrs, it’s way past the time that he learned to do something useful and take responsibility. He will probably want to sponge off you, don’t let him!.

The German girlfriend probably was very nice, women have an inbuilt instinct to choose a man that can “look after them”, she decided that he was not a good prospect.

Why does your son not make his own arrangements to have his own belongings returned? It would be a reasonable request that the girlfriend's parent would not find unreasonable.

Why would your son have to cut all ties with the girl friend's mother? Has she become hostile, or aggressive towards him?

I wouldn’t get involved at all to be honest. Let them sort it out together. It’s too difficult at the moment anyway, and it is only ‘ stuff’, which can be replaced.

David0205

Don’t support him more than the bare minimum, he has “Bummed” his way round the world for 5 yrs, it’s way past the time that he learned to do something useful and take responsibility. He will probably want to sponge off you, don’t let him!.

The German girlfriend probably was very nice, women have an inbuilt instinct to choose a man that can “look after them”, she decided that he was not a good prospect.

David0205,
He has actually worked his way around the world. He’s a chef and apart from spending 10 months working on a farm in Australia he has always worked in restaurants.

As for the girlfriend, sadly she was quite broken ( her words ) when she met my son. Her words again, apparently he fixed her so she doesn’t need him anymore.

He doesn’t ask for anything from us, I literally have to force money on him for birthdays, Christmas etc...

It may be easier for you to arrange for the return of his goods to you in a pleasant manner as your son is still hurting. After that, I’d just see how it goes, the loose friendship with the family may well just peter out.

That was an unpleasant and uncalled for post David0205

Leave your son to sort this out Amandajs there are men with vans who transport small amounts from one country to another. Obviously not at present though. No reason why you should not keep in touch with the girlfriend, these things usually peter out of their accord over time.

Surely your son should ask his ex's family to pack his belongings up and send them back to him in UK or Australia. there are plenty of courier companies who could do this. All he/you need do is pay for the transport.

Why get involved? Your son is perfectly capable of recovering his belongings.

If you want to remain friends with the ex, it is your (yours and the ex) choice, but please dont have a hidden agenda.

I would be neutral, there are ways to support your son without taking sides

sodapop

That was an unpleasant and uncalled for post David0205

Leave your son to sort this out Amandajs there are men with vans who transport small amounts from one country to another. Obviously not at present though. No reason why you should not keep in touch with the girlfriend, these things usually peter out of their accord over time.

Working your way around the world is an excuse for not committing to a career. Nothing wrong with a gap year but 5 yrs does nothing to help help the vast majority, they just drift. At 28 he should have learned a skill and be able to earn a good living, working on farms and casual restaurant work means he comes back at the bottom of the pile for work.

That’s my view, don’t knock me because I have a different opinion, all parents want the best for their children globe trotting does nothing for long term prospects.

He's a chef.