Hi. Have a conundrum I’d like help with. My OH of 8 years (not married) is very comfortable financially. I’m okish. I can survive. ?. I ask for nothing and I get nothing! I pay half of living expenses but we live in his house. He pays for holidays-but he chooses them as he’s paying- I can’t afford to do otherwise. He’s very careful with money. He has a son who he sees but he is not allowed to be involved in his sons life. He has a daughter who lives in London- we’re in the North. He hasn’t seen her -her choice - for 5 years. She speaks to him once or twice a year. Usually at Christmas. She doesn’t acknowledge I exist - his ex wife left him well before we met. I have a son and daughter who are regularly in our lives and 2 grandchildren who adore their grandad.
He has never been generous with me but this last Christmas threw me. I got the usual gift of low value and not much thought. He bought nothing for my kids or our grandchildren. But I discover he bought his daughter a running machine! Also he bought a friend of ours a lovely little gift ‘because he knew she’d love it’. That’s very nice, she is lovely, but it’s strange to me. We don’t really know her. We’ve only met her twice some years ago. There’s nothing sinister. She’s very happily married and I have a suspicion she’s a bit thrown too by messages she sends to me. It’s almost as if we’re humouring him?
His Will reflects this behaviour too. I get nothing and have to be out of the house - my home - in 6 months as his kids will want to sell it. His kids get everything. (He doesn’t know I’ve seen his will). They’re a very money oriented family and we’re not. But I feel like my resentment to this lack of gifts/financial support means I’m actually ‘money oriented too’! I feel it means I’m not valued. I feel he values ‘the wrong people’ - I’m cringing as I write that ?. Is it me?? I just want to understand more than anything. If I ask it makes me look grabbing. He won’t understand. He’s not good at stuff like that. I keep thinking there’s years ahead of us and things could change. I shouldn’t throw this away just for money - but is it actually about money or value?? Help please ❤️
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