My wife and I have just finished a long (2 months) visit to our daughter and grandchildren. My daughter's daughter (10 years) is often sulky, and daydreams, is disobedient, cheeky, bossy, and hates her brother (7) somewhat and her father definitely. When she was younger, I thought she had ODD. She is very intelligent and wise far beyond her years.
Unfortunately, it's obvious her father doesn't like her, and seems to have given up on her. He is an OK guy, but old fashioned in his outlook and doesn't compromise. Not very loving. Spends a lot of time in his workshop/garage. Does his duty, but that's all. Doesn't play with the kids or cuddle them. While we were visiting, the kids would come to me rather than him for a quick cuddle.
I was in their house the other day and GD put out her tongue to him. There was little response from him, a slight threat which I am sure will never happen. She tells me there are frequent violent quarrels between her mother and father. These two "kinda" get on with one another, but apparently he has threatened to leave them all and my daughter wouldn't mind if he did. They haven't slept together for 2-3 years.
It's all got worse over the years. I hate to see it disintegrating because I had parents that rowed with one another, with crockery being thrown about. I am most concerned about my GD. My wife also is concerned about the sItuation, but she doesn't want to burden our daughter any more than she is already, and is a "hope for the best" type of person.
My daughter is "over good" with the two kids, spoils them in fact. He is a home Dad, very rich. Our daughter has a very high paying job, which leaves her exhausted at the end of every day.
Unfortunately, my wife and I live a 6 hour flight away from them, so we physically only get to see them once or twice a year. We occasionally Facetime.
What can we, or I, do to help ? I feel so helpless.
New house and a sloping garden