Aww Sue, my heart goes out to you. I was in a relationship which sounds just like yours for 18 years. He wouldn't listen to me, and when I asked why he did this he said "Maybe if I was a bit more selective in what I talked about, then maybe he'd listen". Anyway, later I was doing the Domestic Abuse Helpline training, and they handed us a sheet about mental abuse. My jaw dropped. He was doing all those things on it, and I hadn't realised that was what it was. It's because they are so clever. They do it in a way which causes you to think that it's YOU who are at fault. Every now and then they are nice, which messes with your head, and you wonder if you're over reacting. Sometimes it can be a dangerous time when a women leaves, and so I would be tempted to look at the Domestic Abuse site for advice (do so safely) and then you'll have all the information you need to do it safely. I left my husband 22 years ago and have never for one second regretted it. Yes, life is lonely, but I'd rather be alone than live with someone like that ever again. Plus who knows, one day I'll meet a nice man with lots of tool boxes who will plop in to my life and we can enjoy life without mind games. Good Luck )