More than 40 years ago I was married to a man 12 years older than me who was very clever at undermining me an putting me in the wrong whenever he could. Today it would be seen as coercive control. I have a degree and am seen as efficient and organised in business matters but with him , it was dreadful. He was able to wrong foot me at every turn. for example when I cooked a complete meal for 40 people including making apple strudel and the christening cake for my sons christening , he gave no praise or acknowledgement for what I had managed to do but when I said I had seen a smart dress in a sale for the day he said I could have made one much cheaper!! After a time we went to work abroad and so I knew no one there and all mail came through the firm , no mobile phones there. He then totally ignored me and did not speak to me at all unless someone came to the house . It was so devious, but the thing that made me realize that I had to leave was seeing my son watching how different he was with and without visitors and after much thought and anguish I managed to get back to england with my son. He threatened to kill me and to have my son kidnapped but of course never in writing. Silent phone calls in the middle of the night etc etc but I stuck to it and divorced him. It took me some years to feel any self esteem and to trust anyone else but I met and married a wonderful man who was a marvellous stepfather to my son and showed him how decent men behaved. He died 4 years ago but I had 33 wonderful years with him, never very much money but that did not matter . a marvellous man and we were very happy together and I took several years to let myself trust anyone due to my first husbands attitude. I ended up feeling anxious and frightened every time I heard his key in the lock. It is not worth it and you will never be able to get a man like that to change his attitude unless he truly realizes how manipulative and bullying he is. Not likely to happen and if it was me I would go, and get a life for myself . I wasted 11 years on my first husband but the balance is so much to the good when you compare the life I had after leaving him. It is not whether you have anyone else it is feeling ok with yourself. Can I suggest that you get two pieces of paper and on one write things that you enjoy and on the other things that you do not like. fold them over each time you add something to the list and put them away. Then after a few weeks when you are feeling positive and have time to yourself look at the lists. Group together things such as enjoy being outside, and like gardening, and dont like being in a crowd and dont like shopping malls. You may already be very aware what you enjoy or not, but seeing it written out can sometimes show you a way to go, so with the above example you might think of doing gardening as a job. We all have good and bad points. doing this allows you to see the good points as well as the bad . Then if you have a trusted friend you might ask them if this view of yourself is what they see. This can give you a new slant on yourself and make you realize that you are better than he ever gives you credit for. Then you could do some practical things such as looking into your financial affairs and perhaps going to citizens advice bureau or looking on line to find out things like your entitlement to part of a pension pot in a settlement in a divorce. I did not think or know about these things and my ex hid a great deal of money and cheated me out of shares of things putting money into his mothers name etc. But I didnt care I got away, but these days I would have been more savvy. Look about to see what you enjoy doing and if there is some classes or courses you might join. It will all help your self esteem and get you thinking what you might choose to do. Just spending a few hours in a classroom where everyone is learning and no one is putting you down or insulting you is very helpful and makes you realize that you are a normal person and it is not down to you to spend your life tiptoeing about to keep him happy. Whatever you do I wish you good luck. One more thing, if you do leave write yourself a letter stating why you are leaving, the treatment you have had from him and what you hope for. Keep that so that when , as will probably happen, he comes promising you to change and all things will be good etc. you can look at that letter and any diary you have kept over the time to remind you what is real and not fake promises. Unless he actually starts to accept his behaviour is selfish and bullying and controlling nothing will alter. Leopard and spots come to mind. All the very best and you deserve a life of peace and calmness as does anyone. To live constantly in a tense and worried way is bad for your health and happiness. I am never sad I left my husband and my son is a very well adjusted and decent man thanks to my lovely second husband who was a great father and role model for him. It is your life, and you are entitled to live it in any way you wish to as long as you are not harming anyone else.