Husband becoming obsessed with much younger single neighbour

I'm so sorry. I'm sure this is really painful and awkward! I don't really know what to suggest but it might be a sign of him losing his boundaries?
I know an elderly man who behaves in an obsessive way towards females he lives near but it's not just one: there are quite a few and he follows them or patrols past their houses. I have been worried myself and don't know if it's a sign of dementia or not.

It does sound as though he has developed a real ‘crush’ on her. She seems like one of those people who is friendly, popular and enjoys the company of others. To be fair, if she has only replied on very few occasions to his messages, it doesn’t sound as though she is actively encouraging him.

Your husband is at that time of life where everything is very routine, and this must seem like a real excitement and novelty.

I have no solution, I’m afraid. She might be seeing him as a bit of a stalker, and trying to dampen things down.

I hope he gets over it.

Hmm I think you're right to be concerned as it does sound like he's gone a bit overboard.

I doubt he'd thank you for spelling it out to him, but she may well be thinking he's pestering her and making her feel uncomfortable.

Have you noticed whether she's withdrawing from him i.e not being as friendly, as that may indicate she's becoming a bit wary?

You could try talking to her and ask her outright if he's becoming a pest!

The fact that she responds to 1 in 10 of his messages suggests that the interest is unwelcome. It is harassment in my opinion.

If you can’t get him to see that he is being a pest and embarrassing himself and will possibly become the talk of the neighbourhood then I suspect you are seeing early stage dementia. He is delusional.

If he persists I would talk to her. Apologise for his constant messaging and explain that it appears he has started on the road to dementia and you are asking everyone he is harassing (she won’t know she is the only target) to please block him on What’s App while you try to handle his obsession with messaging.

Her response will give you all the reassurance you need. He will become a huge embarrassment to you if you don’t nip it in the bud.

I would also write to his doctor saying that you have noticed behavioural changes and could they please call him in for a “well man” health check.

“There’s no fool like an old fool”. So sorry you are having to cope with this.

This sounds like a ‘schoolboy crush’. Perhaps a last attempt for him to appear interesting in a younger woman’s eyes. As you seem to be friendly with this woman, I would have a quiet word when your OH is not around. I’m sure you don’t want him to become a laughing stock in the neighbourhood.

I agree with everything Esspee says talk to the lady yourself.

Let's be blunt (and I don't mean to be rude, really). A 44 year old woman, with 5 children and her own business, is not going to have any interest in a 72 year old man. At least, not romantically.

If she isnt' replying to most of his messages, he is making a nuisance of himself.

I don't know how you handle it. I would probably have a very quiet word with her and apologise for him. But then, if he found out, he'd be furious and mortified. A difficult situation.

But I really don't think you need to fear that his interest is reciprocated.

Esspee

The fact that she responds to 1 in 10 of his messages suggests that the interest is unwelcome. It is harassment in my opinion.

If you can’t get him to see that he is being a pest and embarrassing himself and will possibly become the talk of the neighbourhood then I suspect you are seeing early stage dementia. He is delusional.

If he persists I would talk to her. Apologise for his constant messaging and explain that it appears he has started on the road to dementia and you are asking everyone he is harassing (she won’t know she is the only target) to please block him on What’s App while you try to handle his obsession with messaging.

Her response will give you all the reassurance you need. He will become a huge embarrassment to you if you don’t nip it in the bud.

I would also write to his doctor saying that you have noticed behavioural changes and could they please call him in for a “well man” health check.

“There’s no fool like an old fool”. So sorry you are having to cope with this.

This!

Yes I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this too and definitely recommend you have a chat with your neighbor.

I also agree its highly unlikely that shes "interested" but perhaps shes being polite and struggling- I think with that many kids she hasnt got time for this and maybe really uncomfortable. Is there another neighbour that could chat with her on your behalf if you can't get away from your husband?

I would keep all evidence of his behaviour as I think it counts as emotional cheating and is definitely very direspectful and distressing to you. You could threaten him with legal action or suggest he gets counselling for this addiction. It's very unhealthy!

It's a crush.
He won't be the first silly old sod to think he's in with a chance with someone out of his league.
It's daft and embarrassing, but doesn't mean dementia.

I would imagine she’s just as peed off with him as you are.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this Bettinalove and agree with everything Esspee said above.

PS just wanted to add : some men (if you are polite to them) take it "as a sign" that you're "interested"

You really have to be rude to them to stop the behaviour because ANY form of niceness is "a sign" that you love them . Hes definitely delusional!! We women should not have to be polite to men just because they are men.

He sounds a pest and a stalker! Read this for reasons people stalk: www.joinonelove.org/learn/inside-the-mind-of-a-stalker/

Yes, I'd think your neighbour is uncomfortable (if she has time to think with all those kids!)

If you can see your husbands whatsapp you could get her telephone number and ring her when you're away from your husband (to stop him noticing you're going round there) If she says shes uncomfortable she needs to tell him- and if he persists after that she could report him or get an injunction.

Bear in mind that she may see him as a friendly harmless father figure and have no idea of the obsession.

I think perhaps if you speak to her, she will then feel comfortable to rebuff him without fear of offending you.

YES @MissAdventure! I agree. She most likely thinks OP is fine with it and is scared of falling out with you both.

Definitely talk to her! Be aware she could LIKE the attention without being romantically interested- but if that's the case she needs to be cruel to be kind to get him to knock it on the head.

Or knock him on the head.
Knock some sense into it.

HAHA

Either way, don't suffer in silence. He's not considering your feelings , so don't consider his.

Definitely talk to her.

Hello
This thread seems very familiar to me, have you posted about this before?

This is infatuation, it needs nipping in the bud sooner rather than later before it causes awkwardness and embarrassment. I would speak to your husband and tell him that he is making rather a fool of himself, don’t let him shut you down, it will be difficult but he will be the laughing stock if he is not careful. I had this with a neighbour after my husband passed away, he was constantly offering to do jobs for me, I didn’t want him to and let him do one job. My daughter said he gave her the creeps so I stopped him doing work immediately and just politely refused. He later moved to the next village but it didn’t stop. I then started receiving gifts, expensive ones. I didn’t want them and returned them to him. It took a while but eventually stopped when his attentions were knocked back. It wasn’t very pleasant to be in the receiving end of unwanted attention, I suspect your neighbour feels the same.

You've tried to talk to him. You've chatted to her in the past, so I feel sure she will listen to you. Hope so.

Interesting ?

No fool like an old fool. hat a pain this must all be.

I agree with what Esspee said.

Unless you talk to her and she is very understanding, you could find that she reports him to the police for harassment or stalking.

This is a difficult situation with the potential to escalate.
Maybe ask him if he has developed feelings for her? and it may well be a case of unrequited love!
Suggest to him that he could be accused of stalking, she could do a complete turn around, report him to the police, saying this unwanted attention is harassment.
If she is well off from running her own business she could pay tradesmen/gardeners to do any DIY projects.
And if he is still feeling the need to be helpful he could go along to his local Age Uk and volunteer his services to them.