Relationship with someone who has Parkinson's Disease

Advice please!!

Oh my goodness, what an incredibly sad situation. My heart really goes out to you. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice at present, but I'm sure that someone far wiser than I am will be along soon. I really hope that he gets in touch with you and that you have a happier resolution Moonstone

This is so difficult. I do think that a serious neurological condition can affect personality. One issue for you is that basically you have experienced the excitement of a new relationship twice with the same person. You haven't had the quiet, stable or even challenging years in between. It does seem though that how things move on from here has been taken out of your hands. It is possible that your reaction to what had happened has convinced your partner that it would be difficult for you to deal with all that is to come. Age, increasing disability etc. I do understand that things feel unfinished, but as he refuses to contact you maybe the best option is to be grateful for the good times you had together and move on.

He probably is afraid for you - as far as I know, PD is a progressive disease and he doesn’t want to inflict his bleak future on you. I do feel for you both. You must give him some time to think things over and decide. Wish you both a great future together or individually...you deserve it

Does he have anyone who can read your letters, emails , texts to him? Maybe he is unable to reply?

My neighbour had this, it was controlled really well with drugs, no tremors unless he got really tired, but the number of times he would go around the village looking for his wife! He was unable to show any emotion, but would break down in tears, he could hardly walk and yet managed to climb over the fence because he thought his wife was in our house.( she died some years before) maybe your friend is aware of what is happening to him and doesn’t want you to see him like it?
Of course at other times our neighbour was the same charming man that he always was, but obviously very unwell.
I know of 3 people in our Village who all had Parkinson’s ( which seems odd in such a small village) and they all had very different symptoms.
TBH the only way to find out is to go and see him and talk to him, are you willing to look after him? Can you cope with him as he is and as he will, inevitably, get much much worse.

I will send you a private message MoonStone93

MoonStone What a horrible situation you find yourself in after falling in love and having all the hopes and dreams that go along with that.

However ..... it is very different if a partner becomes ill with PD (or indeed any serious illness) after a long relationship of many years, but in your situation you will, right from the start, be taking on the role of his carer which is only going to get worse. You will need to think very carefully about this and it seems to me (easy for a stranger, I know) that he is giving you the chance to do this.

I wish you all the very best for the future. Luckygirl can give you the best advice from her own experience.

Perhaps it would be worthwhile talking to him - if you can get him to do so. You could agree to plan for the future, enjoying the time that you can and having in place arrangements for when his health deteriorates too much for you to cope.

My mother, grandmother, and great aunt all had PD. My good friend’s husband also had it. I think the issue is t that the PD. makes it difficult relationship wise... but that having a chronic progressive illness does. PD itself is horrible, but Mum was mum, irrespective... her personality didn’t change but she was challenging to care for... as anyone with a chronic condition is. Tbh I think you need to consider whether you can cope with such a relationship... it cannot be easy, for either of you. ?

There is a huge amount of useful information on the Parkinson’s UK website that you might find helpful. It is a horrid disease that affects people in different ways. I hope you can find a way through your difficult and sad situation.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Reported and on another thread.

I reported it too , it’s very nasty promising a cure for this horrible disease !
You should be ashamed of yourself Matina

I reported it too on the other thread. Agree aggie the poster should be ashamed.

My very close friend has Parkinson’s and has improved hugely since going on medication it has only been increased slightly once and has a lot more means of being increased if needed
Her consultant had told her she should have a good ten years of keeping it at bay she’s the sane age as me 77 and thinks ten years is a good enough outlook
Does your man take medication ?

Old thread, OP Jan 21.

So it isi wonder what the outcome was