I am so sorry Campanula . It's painful, I know. I too had a difficult teenager with MH problems who has grown sullen and doesn't accept treatment for the MH problems, is paranoid , takes drugs and has cut everybody off in our family. Everything is "everybody's fault but his" You don't deserve sullen and picking at everything. It's great your son is sober and that you stood by him. He does sound miserable to be picking at things, but it's not an excuse.
I'm so sorry to hear how your son talked to you User7777 and I can also identify with it. When my ES used to talk to us it consisted of conspiracy theories, politics, government, NHS rants. He would say we were wrong about everything and it became a no win, one way conversation. He eventually used the covid jab (I think it was an excuse) to cut us off completely.
I realised today that every time I met one of his girlfriends I always liked them and they liked me, but he would grow irate and demand I was horrible to them, which I would refuse to do. I forgot about this behaviour when he lived away from home for a while, but when he was married he moved in for a while with his wife. I was horrified to see his controlling behaviour but hadn't looked at the bigger picture til now.
She did tell me he was controlling her and she wanted to talk, but he wasn't letting her. I knew she was telling the truth because it happened with two of his previous girlfriends. I don't even know if this is a normal thing to get annoyed if your wife/g/f and mother get on, because I've googled it and can't find the answers?!
Yes, I have a son and it hurts. A lot. to all others who do.