I've had terrible trouble sleeping since I went to church on Sunday. The visiting minister gave a lovely sermon, as she always does, about there being nothing that God can't accomplish.
She talked about Abraham's wife Sarah laughing when she overheard one of 3 men (strangers/angels) talking to her husband and telling him that when he came again she'd have given birth to a son. She being elderly and Abraham 100 you can understand her disbelief. She took it upon herself to send her servant to his bed so she could give him the son he longed for, which of course she did and then Sarah also had a son of her own.
The crux of the sermon was that there's nothing that God cannot do and we should never give up hope.
We've been estranged from our youngest son for almost 5 years. For the first 2 I prayed endlessly that God would bring him back to us, that we'd know our GC (now we have 2 that we cannot see) and that we'd once again have the close and loving relationship with him we'd had for 27 years.
I cannot adequately put into words the devastating affect our estrangement has had on myself and Mr. S. We stopped trying to communicate with ES because of the terribly cruel emails we used to receive in return.
I stopped praying that he'd return and started to ask for the courage and strength we needed just to get through each day. I also started asking for protection from the lies that were being told and that those who loved and knew us would not be swayed. I was beginning to lose hope of his ever returning.
The endless grieving over our loss was taking its toll on us both physically and emotionally. Hope was a mill stone around our necks, dragging us ever deeper into the dark foreboding waters that seemed to have become our lives.
I started to think about moving as we were living just 15 doors down the road from our ES and our proximity to him and our GC was becoming increasingly unbearable. Our DS was upset that we were thinking about leaving our home of 28 years as he felt that as long as we were so near, there was a possibility that things would change.
Mr. S. didn't want to leave but I couldn't bear to stay so bless him we moved just over 7 months ago and it's the best thing we could have done. The house we were going to buy fell through due to a questionable survey and the day we pulled out, I found our new home on line, we viewed it 2 days later (the first people to see it) and it felt so right that we offered the full asking price there and then. We believed that day and still do, that this is where God wanted us to be.
So why can't I sleep? Is it because I did a Sarah and rather than have faith that our son would come back, took matters into my own hands and moved away all be it just 25 miles? Is it because I limited His power by losing all hope that our ES would return?
I believed and still do that I had to stop hoping because until I did I wouldn't begin to accept that he'd gone and until I did, I would never be able to begin the process of healing from the terrible pain he's inflicted but in so doing, have I limited God's power?
.Anger management!!! Help needed.
