Are you hard of hearing...or just selective? | Gransnet

Time to confess. Are you really hard of hearing, or just selective about the sound waves you tune into? Let's find out...

1. When a member of your family interrupts your favourite TV programme with an unfortunately-timed visit, do they...

Eventually give up trying to talk to you over it - you are an island and Peaky Blinders will not wait. Get blown back out the door by the raucous sound waves pulsing from your TV set. Realise you're as confused as they are - you've only heard half of it after all.

2. How does the chorus to one of Celine Dion's most famous songs go?

I'm not a Celine fan...but if I had to guess, I'd go with All By Myself. Obama's elf?? It's been years since I could distinguish lyric from guitar solo...

3. And, just because they're so fun, complete the lyric: "This is the dawning of the Age of..."

Yawn. Aquarius. Although I'd probably pretend not to know just to hear other people's interpretations. Ummm, Asparagus? ...has someone got the radio on? Or is that the cat wanting to come in?

4. You've been preposterously accused of defrosting the wrong thing for dinner. How can this be?!

It may have been the wrong thing...for them. I love it when a plan comes together. The wrong thing being the Christmas turkey? ...On the 13 December? *hangs head* Defrost? I thought you said Bee Toast! I spent an hour in Wholefoods looking for that!

5. In the case of the serial mumbler, are you...

The one doing the mumbling - throws them off the scent, you see, and disguises the fact that I never heard them in the first place. The long-suffering partner of one? Yes, yes I am. If they will insist on speaking at the volume of Scotch mist, it's no wonder I miss a few things here and there is it? The subject of much mumbling...what they don't know is that I can HEAR THEM.

6. You're out in a restaurant and meeting new people for the first time. Are you...

The life and soul of course. OH doesn't know what's hit him. Marvelling at how many of your friends, and now complete strangers have this dreadful modern habit of mumbling. Nodding and smiling. You did warn everyone that this particular restaurant wasn't a good idea...

Are you hard of hearing...or just selective?

You're a selective listener.

You can say that again...although we'd probably need to anyway, since you were pretending not to hear the first time. There's nothing wrong with your lug holes, you're just very selective about what you tune into.

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Are you hard of hearing...or just selective?

Time to book a hearing test.

We'd love to say you're just out to avoid doing the washing up once in a while, but it's probably time to book a hearing test - just to make sure. At least then you'll always be in on the joke...

Share your results

Are you hard of hearing...or just selective?

You're halfway there...

You, my friend, have the best of both worlds. Sort of. While your hearing isn't all that great anymore, you probably hear a bit more than you're letting on. After all, there's no need to reveal that you actually heard when the OH asks you to poop-a-scoop the garden... Still, it might be worth getting checked out.