Difficult daughter-in-laws

It IS difficult Bea,... I have always been determined to get on with my DiL because she is the mother of my grandson and because my son loves her..
She actually reminds me of how I was myself when I first got married. I was very insecure and saw my MiL as competition ! I understand how she feels because I used to feel like that - and I feel guilty now for being unreasonable with my own MiL !
I have a lovely relationship my my grandson - which I wouldn't have if I was hostile in any way to his Mum

lucyjordan Thanks I have suggested him bringing my grandson over while she has a break sometimes he does but sometimes he cancels at short notice all very difficult.

Same here my DL is totally possesive with my son and doesnt like him to visit us or my other son for more than 45 minutes she has a very insecure nature and sees us as a threat although none of us are. At the same time she spends full days with her family. I am learning to just enjoy visits if they happen but it is a pity. She has never confronted me but gives me evil looks when my son is not looking.

Bea,
My DiL is quite possessive of my son and doesn't like him having friends, let alone a mother !
I get on quite well with her on a one to one basis but if my son is there she is not as friendly.
On mothers day she insists my son goes with her to visit her mothers grave and will do anything to make sure the rest of the day is taken up so he cannot come and see me.

I have one grandson with them but I only ever see him if I go there or my son brings him to see me - she never comes with them, claiming she has too much to do !
I don't take offence at any of this,.. My DiL is probably insecure and I just accept her the way she is. I know my son loves me very much - but he has to put her and his son first and sometimes he has to let me down to keep her happy !
Mind you, if she was nasty or rude to me in any way I would not take it !

If the Mum is still working perhaps she feels that as you get to see the children during the week time, its only fair that the children get to see there other granny at weekends. Perhaps the other granny works as well and weekends is the only time she has free.

My husband spent more time at my mothers house than he did his mothers house, it wasnt because he liked my mother better than his, or that i didnt like his mother, i got on very well with her, but because my mum in law generally worked weekends, my mum didnt, and we always went to her house for sunday lunch.

BEA

If you dont get along with your daughter in law then what is stopping your son paying you a visit and bringing the children with him? Its not just daughter in laws that are at fault, when it comes to this sort of thing, many sons could do more to make sure their children see as much of both sets of grandparents, and im sure that many of the daughter in laws would appreciate a little bit of free time to themselves.

Gosh, Cornflake, it does seem unfair that you do the childminding but don't get the nice weekendy bits, but that's how it seems to be. My son has just come out of a long term relationship [no children] and he spent most of that time with his girlfriends family. We have to spend a lot of time not saying things, don't we! Having said that, perhaps they feel that, having looked after the children in the week, you're probably feeling tired and need a break and some time to yourself? I really felt my age when I started looking after my grandchildren.

Thanks for that, i will keep at it.

I think we will always be second best to the girls mum,it is something we have to understand and except. I have an ok relationship with my dl. A wonderful relationship with the two grandaughters as often look after them as her mum is still working.When it comes to weekends etc I have learnd that they will be at her mums for dinner or she will be with them. It can sometimes be lonely as I would like to see more of my son as am a widow and alone, but I just need to make a life for myself as well,early days yet,but am learning.

A son is a son 'till he finds him a wife a daughter's a daughter for the rest of your life. Sadly that old saying is invariably true and daughter in law issues just seem to be comon place, unless one is very lucky. Just keep being nice and know that you have done your best. Things may change as the children grow up and as long as you are always there you know you have done the right thing. Good luck.