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Days out with GS

(7 Posts)
granmama Mon 16-May-11 12:26:40

AIBU in expecting a few hours each week on my own with my GS (10 months) as my DIL mother every saturday takes him out for about 2 hours, whilst DIL catches up with housework/papers/rests (she's expecting my 2nd GC in 12 weeks)

I do get to see my son, DIL amd GS at least once a week with a short visit (couple of hours) plus a long visit (majority of the day)

I have babysat overnight a couple of times, i think he has only been away from home 3 or 4 times for a whole night.

Pandemonia Mon 16-May-11 13:14:33

I think you are unreasonable in assuming you are entitled to a certain visiting pattern. But I can quite understand why you would like some time on your own with your grandson. However, he's only 10 months old so give it time and it may well be that the situation changes as he gets a little older. Certainly, when your DIL has another baby she may well be delighted with any help you can give her by looking after the currently precious first born.

But I have to say that a "short visit" in our family consists of a hurried cup of tea and a quick cuddle with the delightful grandbaby though. Not two whole hours!

lucyjordan Mon 16-May-11 13:48:52

As long as you view time with your grandson as a competition between you and your DILs mother, i cant ever see this problem being rectified. Your grandson isnt a prize to be awarded for good behaviour, or to be used as a tool in getting a point over.

Of course we all want to spend time with our grandchildren, but quality has to be the priority rather than quantity.

You dont say how close the DIL lives to her mothers home, you dont say if the M goes and picks him up or if the DIL drops him off, and just how you yourself would deal with similar arrangements.

Daughters mostly depend on their mothers to look after their children, and unless you make it perfectly clear that you would be prepared to have your grandson on his own with some regularity, then perhaps your DIL feels its easier to depend on her mother than it is to inconvenience you.

Try talking to her. Without communication no relationship can survive for long.

granmama Mon 16-May-11 13:55:42

We both live within 5 minutes of her and she doesn't drive so i can only assume she walks or her mother picks him up.

Magsie Mon 16-May-11 14:47:38

granmama- I don't think you say whether you have asked to have him or are just hoping his mum will suggest it?
I have found by experience that if I offer to do things, my stepdaughter usually accepts gratefully although she would never think to ask me.

outnumbered Mon 16-May-11 18:22:27

you seem to be in competition with your DIL's mother, and this can only lead to tears. you spend a lot of time with him, a few hrs is not a short visit . I sounds as if you have a good relationship with your DIL, or is that not the case?

I used to spend more time with my Mom than I ever do with MIL, simply because she was my Mom, therefore my dc spent more time with her, not a contest, just a fact.

I had two in 18months so I know how tired your DIL must be feeling, now isn't the time to launch operation grandchild. If you go wading in you could cause a lot of stress at a time when your DIL doesn't need it.

have you offered to help out? ask if you can help her in the house/ garden? are you assuming that she will say no?

I would never presume my PIL would look after the dc, my mom did frequently, but then she offered.

As for over night stays, it doesn't happen, IL's have never asked or offered, my ds1 used to stay o/n with my mom, because he asked to

Harrypotterfan Wed 18-May-11 21:44:25

At ten months I feel u are very lucky to have had gs that
much. Mine were not left that young that often.
Yr dil my trust you greatly to do that

My pil have a lot of time with my Dcs and I try to do baby sitting fairly but I'd say I see my own mum more frequently on an informal basis as she is mum and I just feel more comfortable picking up the phone and popping over with out an invite.
But my pil definatly have more formal visits at weekends than my mum ever does and my dh often pops over with the kids if I'm working a Saturday

How you can deal with it I'm not sure but perhaps
Offering to help your dil with help so she can shop for the new baby
Or have a swim, Massage etc

Don't push her though but offer in a friendly way. No strings attached