elderly in hospital

My Aunt has recently moved into a wonderful Nursing Home. On the wall in the sitting room is a poem.
I thought it rather apt for this thread.

An Old Lady's Poem ..............Anonymous

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe ....
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill ....
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten ..... with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty, once more babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young ones are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years, and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old woman ..... and nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigour depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years ..... all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
.....Not a crabby old woman; look closer .....see ME !!

On care home has a jolly good idea,it has photos of the folks it looks after on their room door...as they were in their hay day.....so that carers and nurses are reminded that these folks often did amazing things in their lives that bare no relation to their outward appearances as they dwindle away.

@ Twizzle
Thank you for sharing your poem with us - it brought tears to my eyes as I lost my Mum less than a year ago. It's so true that people only see the person in front of them now, not how they were, and it makes me so cross. It comes to us all in the end, like it or not. At my mother's funeral, where most guests who attended only knew her in the last years of her life, the eulogy I gave tried to tell them how she was, paint a picture of the person I knew before dementia robbed us of her. Your poem makes a much better job of it than I did

@ Hilda W
At the care home my Mum was in (specialising in dementia care) each room had a 'memory board' outside eash resident's room. We were encouraged to put up photos and other mementoes of their achievements and younger lives. A great idea, and a good memory trigger for the residents. Sometimes though it was almost unbearably sad to look at the details on the boards

Snowdrop, the eulogy you gave for your Mum was a wonderful tribute to her, in your own words, to share your own special memories.
In comparison to the poem, your words meant so much more, because they were your own.

This thread has lost it's momentum. This is a pity. New members, if you have experience of poor care in hospital, please read and contribute. Even more important, act - contact your MP and the sec. of state for health.
See the links. If you write the letter in Word and then paste it into these sites, it is very quick and easy. (and avoids internet problems)
Earlier posters, did you get round to writing to politicians? I have, for some reason been putting it off, twiddling around with letter etc. I have done it now and copied full text below. Sorry - it makes it a very long post !

http://www.info.doh.gov.uk/contactus.nsf
http://www.writetothem.com/

I am writing to you as an individual and as a member of a fast-growing social networking site called Gransnet. As a group we are very concerned about poor levels of care in some NHS wards and in particular the care received by the oldest members of the community. Some of us have experienced this personally and many of us have witnessed it when older relatives and friends have been hospitalised.

Specifically our concerns centre on poor levels of basic nursing care. This includes inadequate feeding and provision of fluids, failing to ensure that patients are clean and comfortable and ignoring requests for care, such as being taken to the toilet. Failures in this area inevitably lead to more prolonged hospital stays and greater dependency when discharged, both of which incur additional costs to the public purse. Communication with hospital staff is also often an issue for patients and relatives. There is the more general issue about dignity and compassion. We know that MPs cannot legislate for compassion but they are in a position to press for better basic care.

I would like to share with you some of my recent observations:

My mother-in-law was admitted to a general hospital, very ill with pancreatitis in November 2010. The care from the paramedics and admissions staff was excellent. She was then transferred to a surgical ward where the care was mediocre and communication with staff was a struggle.

It was not possible to speak to a doctor, other than the most junior variety. The ward round was at 8 a.m. and my mother-in-law said of the consultant: “I can’t tell whether he is talking to me or his students.” A request for him to telephone us did not result in a call.

The “named nurse”, who seemed very professional, went on leave for most of the time my mother-in-law was on the ward. No other named nurse was substituted. This seemed to make a mockery of the idea of a named nurse and left us having to communicate to a different nurse every day.

My mother-in-law was developing pressure sores as she had been ill for two weeks prior to admission. It took several days and a great deal of “chivvying” before an electric mattress was provided. I got the impression that if we had not kept on asking, nothing would have been done.

My mother-in-law was reluctant to drink and was not being encouraged to do so. This was partly because she was ill and couldn’t be bothered. It was also because she hated being put on a commode behind curtains next to the bed. There was no effort made to encourage drinking and the nurse we spoke to was very surprised that anyone would feel uncomfortable about using a commode in a ward full of strangers!

All in all this was a mediocre experience for a sick woman and her anxious family. There was very much a feeling that hospital staff did not understand that she was a woman with multiple previous health problems rather than a simple case of pancreatits.

At this point she was transferred to a small rehabilitation/geriatric unit. After a period of illness she was no longer able to walk. In this institution the nursing staff had no acutely ill patients to deal with. Just patients that needed nursing care.

When visiting her for the first time we found her shaking with distress and pain because her request to be taken to the toilet had been forgotten. She was unable to reach her call button – it had been left out of her reach. She was unable to ask another patient to call for her as those near her had all had strokes.

Two days later she was outraged to be wheeled down to the day room and encouraged to make Christmas decorations. She was still feeling very ill with acute vertigo (she could not look at a television or turn her head without feeling seasick). She was also in pain. There was nothing wrong with her intellect. Being asked to take part in an activity suitable for under-fives did not impress her in the least.

We did not raise any formal complaints. At the time we were much more focussed on how our family would cope with getting her out of an environment that was very distressing and how we could for her during her recovery. These concerns pale into insignificance compared to some of the horror stories told by some of my colleagues on Gransnet. This is example is, I suspect typical and representative of the patchy nature of nursing care received by sick people.

We are aware that the Quality Care Commission is currently reviewing dignity and nutrition issues and that their preliminary findings reflect our concerns. Current management and regulatory systems do not seem to be working. Maybe hospital managers need to be called to account more stringently in these areas. Schools, after all, when subject to Ofsted inspections, have to demonstrate the quality of their care as well as they quality of their educational provision.

I would be interested in hearing your thoughts about this area.

It would appear that the current government plans for “reforming” the health system are now, in their revised state, becoming confused and even more confusing for the public. I sincerely hope that these “reforms” will not distract the government from this vital issue.

I am copying my concerns to the secretary of state. I look forward to hearing from you.

My mother died in an NHS hospital where she could not feed herself or do anything for herself; one of the nurses took a dislike to her and was unkind in many ways, including putting her in an isolated place where few nurses would observe her, and leaving her with food she couldn't eat. I tried to get some change but failed, and I still weep to think of her last days.
It is not just about money - though money is part of it - it is about a culture which values humanity and care at least as much as measurable 'effeciency' and targets, Real care takes a little more time - time to listen and respond, but it creates a humane culture, where health outcomes are likely to be better. Above all it provides a good answer to the questions ' What kind of people do we want to be? What is a worthwhile and good way to treat vulnerable people? What really matters? '
I earlier recalled Barbara Robb's report Sans Everything which went to the government in the 1960s - and said much what is being said here about the apalling treatment of older people in the NHS and care homes. I hope Andrew Lansley and others who take decisions will read it and we can at last have change.

Lewis...please come back and help us to make our voices heard.

Gransnet campaign now please....sure the Daily Mail would support!

Twizzle I am very familiar with that poem....it was found decades ago written by a woman in Liff Hospital in Dundee which was an institution at the time...must try and print it off but doubt if I can. It is so so meaningful. have lost my copy.

ps would aprecciate an email copy of it if you can

lynne will you organise us please? We need a leader.

I'm sorry to sound defeatist, and I'm sure I'm going to be shot down in flames, but what this thread should really be trying to do is change society's view on the elderly, ageing, old age call it what you will. Yes the care of old people by most NHS hospitals and in some nursing homes is appalling, inhumane in some cases. I should know I've witnessed it and it reduced me to tears, not only of sorrow but of frustration as no-one would listen to me.
Yes, writing to one's MP is a start as is writing to the Patients Association and the Care and Quality Commission. But think for a minute about the thousands upon thousands, if not millions, of old people who aren't in hospital, aren't ill but are still ignored by society in general - as if they don't exist. The fact of the matter is that they are considered - wrongly - to be an embarrasement . Looking at them can be likened to looking one's own mortality in the eye and that can be uncomfortable. Much easier to ignore it and hope it'll go away.
Wrong, wrong, wrong I know but it'll take a damn sight more than rattling a few politician's cages to change things. After all, they're only after one thing and that's votes (oh, and and expenses of course!)
There are some societies in the world where old people are highly regarded and treated with respect as their life experiences are valued. We would do well to learn from them.
Time to get off my soapbox I think and wait for the brick bats

SURELY should be the responsibilty of those making money behind the scenes from Gransnet....to promote our opinions, when of a serious nature such as this, and also of a grave current concern nationally....We are of the generation having to deal with this and YES we have to be heard .........oh I could go on

Snowdrop.....sadly so agree...votes and finance

Yes well Snowdrop - but the question is how to change an entire culture?
Looking up to elders is a wonderful cultural feature where it exists - but centuries of hard work have gone into creating this. Lets face it, we are biologically programmed to find children appealing and to naturally want to protect them. When the chips are down, and the blubber is running out, who do you push out of the igloo. How are you going to ensure that your genes survive and that there is someone to look after you when your teeth drop out?
Why would you want to hang onto the elders - it was because they had wisdom and knowledge that was valued.
And because there was a long tradition of older people in the tribe dinning into the younger ones that it was REALLY IMPORTANT to look after them. And respect them.
And probably the gods would send lightening bolts if they didn't.
In such a rapidly changing world as ours knowledge of elders is bound to be less valuable than it was in hunting/gathering/basic agriculture cultures.
This is not something politicians can do. (lets face it they can't do very much - even the things they are supposed to be in charge of ...)
Telling other people they should stop stereotyping older people or start being nice to them is not going to work.
On the other hand the baby boomer generation is just hitting pensionable age. We are going to be fitter and more vocal I hope.
It is up to us to challenge stereotypes and use our voting power and political clout. We are going to be the most enthusiastic voters and a huge chunk of the electorate.
Talking of challenging stereotypes:
I did enjoy hearing Stirling Moss talking about retiring from professional motor racing in his early 80s. last week on the today programme. I didnt know he was still alive.

My 90 year old mother was admitted to hospital last night after an agonising few hours on a trolley. She wasn't treated unkindly but everything was so slow. She was very close to the doctor's station and we waited whilst they gossiped, joked and looked at photos on their iphones. Today she has been largely ignored, unable to keep down anything but a few sips of water. A scan scheduled for 3pm was inexplicably cancelled and of course will not be rescheduled over the weekend. I know they are planning to move her to a geriatric ward- a notorious hellhole. Despite a few medical problems she has been remarkably fit for a woman of her age but I fear what so many other contributors have described, that she will deteriorate very quickly in this situation, not least because she is not eating and is, I think, dehydrated.
If we could have anything like the clout that Mumsnet has had with Dave and his cronies, this would be an issue worth fighting for, and not just for our own futures.Our parents generation made huge sacrifices for their country and have overwhelmingly been givers not takers within society. They deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and kindness in their final years,

Hi gordonlacey, sorry to hear about your mother.
All I can say is be vocal as you can when you are there. Speak to a member of staff every time you visit and express any concerns.
The kind of care you get in hospital is not the same as you would at home. A good example is drinking. At home you would be coaxing someone to take a few sips of water frequently. In hospital a glass of water is plonked next to you. I think we should be stroppy about "visiting times" if we are concerned about this kind of thing and be there for as much of the time as we can. I am not talking about a gang of people round the bed, doing ritual hospital visiting. I'm talking about one near relative, reading their book and encouraging sips of water etc. In many cultures this is normal.
Keeping people mobile so that they can get to loo on their own is another big one, if at all poss.
If you are not getting satisfaction from ward staff ask to see the clinical/nurse manager on duty - whoever is in charge of nursing that day.
Someone medical told me that to tell if someone is dehydrated, pinch the skin on the back of their hand. If it does not quickly return to flat, then that is a sign of significant dehydration.
Friend of mine's dad was in hospital recently - 92, passed out and broke some neck bones. Fit as a flea up to now. They have managed to get him out of there and a place in a care home near where they live. They could not take him to their house for long string of reasons. So don't despair. There is something about the NHS that pushes us into in a passive, compliant position. Keep active and proactive!

I am hoping to nudge this one back into active status as I think we have lots of new members all the time. I wrote to my MP and had a very rapid reply. He forwarded to minister responsible.
Can I urge you all to complain to hospitals if they are giving poor care (they have to take notice) and copy to your MP and anyone else relevant.

That is a beautiful poem Twizzle. And so true. I joined Gransnet just today - because, I don't know, because I was lonely and because I have a beautiful, wonderful grandson 250 miles away. And then I wittered on about books and came across JessM and finished up on this thread. About the elderly in hospital. About my parents-in-law in their 90s, about my father with cancer and my mother with altzeimers. And about their frightening experiences in hospitals. Now I can't stop crying.

Please, gransnet, tell me what I should do to prevent it happening again and again. They are all gone now, but I know and all these people on this site know that this cannot go on. The elderly must be respected and treated with care and knowlege. Love and understanding.

Is it MPs or the training hospitals that we should be targetting? It is a bit later and I have been thinking. Though I have not read all the 7 pages I have read enough to know that my relatives' experience of hospitals is not uncommon. Those that are nursing/caring have not been trained to cope with the special and various needs of the elderly. And these are "special" people. Let's face it, "they" are "us" in a few years time. I personally doubt that a higher academic qualification for nursing staff does anything more than boost the status of The Nursing Professional Body. I am sure that there are some in the nursing profession who are compassionate and caring, but that may be a personal attribute rather than training.

So, how do we reach those who organise the training of nurses? Who are they? Who are the administrators who decide? Do any of you know?

Oh you poor love. Consider yourself hugged. Can we get some more contributors back on this thread please? More members of Gransnet?
Our age group need to join together to put political pressure on government. We are a very powerful group of voters if we did but exercise that power. Because there are lots of us and we do take the trouble to vote!
Hospitals have been targeted by politicians to improve a number of things in recent years, and sure enough, they have improved them. (MRSA for instance)
In the meantime we need to keep complaining to the hospitals and copying in everyone. They do take complaints very seriously.
Benina - lovely bunch here on Gransnet so don't be a stranger as they say in the states. Just hang around and join in the "last hour" conversations if you are feeling lonely.

You'll always find someone here, benina, who will listen and share experiences.
JessM is right though. Expressing our feelings and finding support is wonderful but we can't lose the impetus that was beginning to build up. What's the next step ladies? I feel a bit marginalised because things are organised differently in Scotland - but the same problems of lack of caring staff exist here too.

Hello Benina, you have friends on Gransnet. There is always someone to talk to

It's now some time since my last experience of elderly relatives in hospital, but i found the contrast between my uncle's and my aunt's experience very interesting. He was in a urology ward with a lot of other men recovering from bladder or prostate surgery. They were all compos mentis and pretty cheery; my dear uncle enjoyed chatting up the nurses and they loved him. It was a highly sociable ward, perhaps also informed by the personality of the (female) consultant. By contrast, my much loved aunt, already in a care home with vascular dementia was in a geriatric ward (in the same hospital) which was dim and cheerless. She couldn't speak up for herself and I found fluid leaking from a canula that had come loose. No apology when I pointed this out. She wasn't left in her own excrement, so it evidently wasn't as bad as some wards, but why could it not have been at least a more pleasant atmosphere? It was gloomy enough to drag down the spirits of visitors and make you want to get out of there and to get your loved one out asap. Although she was in and out a few times with pneumonia, she never succumbed there and died in her own care home which was indeed a caring environment.