Cut out of their lives

nanban brave lady! ((hugs))

nan {{{hugs}}}

Oh nanban it must be so hard when others are "moaning" about their children and GC However, it is ironic that this thread is next to the terrible news story about the father who murdered his children - puts it all into a sort of perspective perhaps.

Mewsmuse - risk the dark place and the pain for maybe something really wonderful. If you don't you will never get over the ifs, maybes and regrets. And who knows, one day, you may really be able to talk to your daughter and those lost years will vanish.

I should say that I've been away and only just caught this thread. We were away with a group - similar ages - and the pain of listening to their constant grannie stories with a smile plastered in place, beyond bearing really. Let alone the dread of being asked back - and do you have grandchidren! But we have at last found what we hope is an address and have sent more parcels off which have not yet been returned.

mewsmuse, my daughter estranged herself from me for 7 years, and it was terrible. I didn't understand why she'd felt as she did, but apparently, in her eyes I'd been a useless mother and hadn't done anything right. I did everything I could to get back into her life, all to no avail. She allowed the children to come to see me, thankfully, and if this hadn't been the case, I don't know how on earth I'd have coped. Gradually, it just came about that I was able to help when she and my grown-up granddaughters moved to a new house. Then when she became a grandmother herself, it all fell into place better. I was able to visit the baby and things softened. I'm very, very careful not to bring up anything about the 'lost' years, and I try not to ask anything that would make her think I was prying. The situation is sometimes quite fragile, but I've got her back. Enjoy having your daughter again, mewsmuse, and don't think about dark times. They're past and done with. And there's a new life coming! Good luck!

We have just put some responses on the other thread that you have posted this message on mewsmuse. I hope you have seen them. Good luck for the future - you have happy times ahead

It's been about 20 years since my eldest daughter (now 43) decided she no longer wanted to know me or any of the rest of her family. There have been one or two meetings in all that time when walking on glass shards is the only way to describe them.

I have just had an e-mail from her saying she is 5 months pregnant by donor. She wrote that after a relationship foundered when she was 39 and she would dearly wanted a child, she grasped this last slither of hope to be a mother and all is going well. She also wrote that she would like me to to be part of her life now, and for me to be an active grandmother to her baby, and that any previous issues should be forgotten. I have no idea what issues there were to create such a long and painful rift, and although her news filled me with elation, it also filled me with fear that I would be going back into a dark place that was so painful.

Has anyone else faced this dilemma?

Well said chadsky

thanks for all your support - when I think of all the tears and heartaches that we have been through - now we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. but I am so mindful of all those grandparents who are still fighting for contact in some way, and who have done nothing wrong, but be there. splits in relationsips can create terible circumstances - and sometimes the last thing to be thought about by both parents is the child or children, who after all did not ask to come into this world, or did not choose their parents, they cannot help that there parents did not get on for whatever reason. as grandparents we have to be the soild ones, not taking sides, however we feel, we have to make sure the children are our first thought, which I am sure is the case for all of you. xx

chadsky I echo green's message. NEVER give up. (((hugs)))

chadsky ((((hugs)))).

Oh chadsky, how right you are. Never, ever give up on anything. Nothing that is worthwhile is worth giving up on. You deserve all the love that's coming your way from that wee girl! xx

Well done, Chadsky - what a lovely day for you

Well said chadsky. Perseverance is the thing, and pushing for contact despite being fearful of the consequences - if you don't ask, you don't get!

......but sometimes, it can be very scary, thinking you might not see them! Those memories make me shudder.

chadsky so nice to hear you had a wonderful day with your granddaughter.

The day was wonderful, and she had a good time, and yes the sun did shine, not only in the sky, but in our hearts - the lesson from this is keep on trying, even when the odds are stacked against you, and the pain seem impossible to bear, keep on striving for what you want - it may take a long time, but with luck you will get there.

chadsky That is really good news!

Sounds good to me- now you can join all us exhausted Grans! But wouldn't be without them.

Wonderful news chadsky

I hope you all have a wonderful day.

chadsky, that is just wonderful, and I can't begin to imagine how joyful you're feeling. Happy times ahead! xx

, chadsky for Sunday. I too hope this will be the start of a regular arrangement.

Great news. I hope the day goes well and that it is the start of a more regular arrangement.

Wonderful news chadsky I am delighted for you (let's hope there is some on the day)

Chadsky Sunday is what it's all been about...all the frustrations and tears will seem distant. I hope that you have a perfectly wonderul day. You deserve it.

Have a "Brilliant" day