Cut out of their lives

Glammanana Don't despair! my DD1 does not go to see her MiL everytime my SiL goes to visit her with DGS and SiL does not always come when DD1 comes here. It is not a reflection of the fondness between family members but their busy working/social lives. It just means that they get all there is to be done in this way! Obviously there are occasions when they happily go/come to visit altogether but tend to be high days and holidays!

glamma, don't be in too much of a rush to judge your possible DIL - sometimes girlfriends/boyfriends can feel a bit intimidated at the prospect of having to interact and socialise with their partner's parents, but once things are on a more fomal footing they feel more confident. (I say this from experience! )

Glammanana - what you say rings so many bells - our situation began very quietly and we gradually accepted one thing after another thinking not to make a fuss and things would be fine in the end! The trouble is what can you do? Us grannies are in a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation and things can't always turn out for the worst so I hope that it is just 'teething problems' and as she gets to know you, it will turn around again.

My heart goes out to you all who are going through the heartache of not seeing your DGCs I can honestly say I do not know how I would cope with the problem,I do feel however that if and when DS1 gets married or has children with his girlfriend things will not be all plain sailing as she is doing everything in her power at the moment to not visit us,he comes on his own during the week when she is at work,I may be totally wrong here but mothers intuition and all that is never really wrong is it.?

I would think you have to live with the hope 'that today will be the day its resolved'

You're right Nanban. Despair can turn to relief so unexpectedly. That's what I wish for everyone going through this.

Thank you so much Lujaha - it is so lovely when people who know, write with their thoughts and wishes. And how true that it causes such heartbreak to so many and most often caused by just the one person. We are on the point of the second anniversary since we saw our lovely grandson, and sadly have never seen his little sister born months ago now. We must live in hope, there is nothing else - but there have been some lovely resolutions for people on this forum and one minute all is sadness and heartbreak, transformed out of the blue.

Nanban and Purdy - don't give up hope ever. Try and live for the day but with hope in your hearts. I did not see my grandson from when he was 6 months until he was three.After a court case which granted my son access every two weeks his ex kept moving further away - she is now 300 miles away and still trying to stop my son from seeing his son who is now 10 but we will not give in and let her get her way. It is heartbreaking for the children and estranged parents and grandparents. I am so sorry for you and empathise completely with you. And yes put it on Mumsnet and any other net you can think of. Good luck and bless you and anyone else in the same predicament.

when, your words are always wise and comforting. Bless you

Look after yourself grannymary and crimson. The majority of these situations do resolve themselves, even if not in a perfect way. It's just a miserable time when it all starts to flare up.

There are many grandparents who are denied access to their grandchildren, or lose contact with their sons or daughters, but many, many more will have this temporary blip and then things get sorted out. There may often be bad feelings and recriminations years after, but most people do believe that family ties are important and should be nurtured.

you put that so well crimson 'a cosy bubble of contentment' thats exactly how I felt and then the bubble burst!
Thanks for all the support, I feel a bit better today. no more tears from me, going to try to relax and enjoy the nice weather and let things calm down x

glass I has a letter back from a couple of MPs quite a while ago.

crimson and grannymary don't despair. I hope things resolve themselves very quickly and you find things have settled down again xx

Thanks .

It's a truth crimson that if you lie down, someone will walk all over you! I'm not saying that's what you've done, but people do take advantage when they should appreciate you more.
I hope it settles down soon

There I was in my cosy little bubble of contentment! What I have learned, and friends have told me this for years, is that I should put myself first sometimes and, you know what, that's what I'm going to do. What I don't understand is that some grandparents set parameters from the start, and their children seem to accept it and respect them for it.

crimson I used to think everyone had happy families and only odd ones had problems, now I know better! I feel for all of us having access difficulties, and not to know why must be so upsetting for you.
Our family situation is complicated and sad for me, but I'm just letting it all lie at the moment in the hopes that my children will sort it out soon.
Sending you (((hugs))) and love

My MP sent me a letter very promptly with a copy of a report that highlighted the importance of GPs. I don't think they will do much about it though!

I emailed my MP last week for an update on my letter to him in February, I have received a letter from him this morning to say he has written to the Prime Minister on my behalf and when he receives a reply he will contact me again (in other words don't contact me).....does this mean he did nothing in February and has just written or has the Prime Minster failed to reply to his first letter has anyone else heard anything back from their letters?

thank you Annobel. that sounds like a good idea however I'm not sure who I could call on to help. I think I will just leave it alone for a day or two and contact her nearer the weekend once emotions have settled a bit. what I had never really appreciated before was how vulnerable and powerless grandparents are when this kind of situation occurs x

crimson If I could, I'd give you a much needed (hug) x

same here, grannymary; small children being used as pawns. I'm in shock and disbelief; cannot believe that this is actually happening to me and now questioning my own sanity ie did I say things I don't remember saying?

My senior GD's mother - who by then had ceased to be my son's girlfriend - once rang me up and said she didn't want me to see my GD and her half-brother any more. I rarely panic or become hysterical but this time I did and phoned my other son and his partner who had a reasonable relationship with her and they diplomatically worked on her. It was all sorted out reasonably amicably. I am sure that at the time she was stoned as she regularly used strong cannabis. And to this day I have a priceless relationship with my 20-year-old GD - and her brother. The point of this tale is: do you have another relative/friend who can mediate with the one who is making life difficult for you? A third person can often smooth ruffled feathers.

this has really brought home to me the pain expressed by others in this thread which I thought I understood but didn't really x

Hi Crimson, I understand how you feel as something similar has just happened to us. 4 years ago our son told us someone he had a short term relationship with was pregnant and intended to bring the baby up alone, despite the circumstances we believed we had formed a good relationship with her and our GS. when describing the situation to friends we have always said how lucky we feel that she has never restricted our access to him in the way which she has to our son who is not allowed to see him. This morning I sit here in tears because she has withdrawn this after being told by a third party that GS and S were both at our house at the same time and 'why hadn't I told her'. Simple answer being that S had called in briefly and unexpectedly and I never thought to mention it to her.
I feel so powerless, sitting here while she considers what is best for GS when we have tried so hard with both GS and his sister who also has no contact with her father or grandparents

crimson as when has said it maybe that their circumstances have changed and the arrangements work better for them, it maybe something as simple as that but they need to let you know if that's the case..... sending you a big {{{hug}}}