Cut out of their lives

I have remembered a poem - "Interior" written by Dorothy Parker. I think that it is apt for this forum...

'Her mind lives tidily, apart
From cold and noise and pain,
And bolts the door against her heart,
Out wailing in the rain'.

Sorry SJP ...I omitted to add card

SJP I had high hopes that a birthday would arrive. My eyes whelled up with tears when I read otherwise. How I wish that I could make matters right for you. ((hugs))

green I KNOW how you feel. You are not silly, or fussy, or anything other than a normal caring Mother. Your son doesn't mean to be unkind. Although he is being insensitive. You are a lovely lady. Wish that I could share my chocs with you. I'm certain we'd get along just fine and dandy!

"Nightowl" please pass my regards on to that gran - and tell her not to give up - we were sent down the fostering route first as many of you know, it was disasterous, plus the assesment was not done well, - so the panel rejected us. we were then advised to go via the SGO route- but we insisted that it be independenlty done, not by the social services, and we did self litigation - as we do not qualify for leagal aid, and it can be so expensive!!- at least we can feel confident that the assesment was done properly this time, I dont mean that, just because we had a good result, I would have felt that either way, the IPSW worked hard with us both and at all times, kept the focus on what was going to be best for our GD, and that is only right, she has to be our main priority.

Many thanks to all gransnetters, for their messages of support. could not have done this without somewhere to sound off sometimes, it so helps!!

soop Looking forward to reading it. Clever thing, you!

Thank you! And Butternut, I'm definitely going to try!

green don't feel bad about it - he set that train of thought in motion when he acted daft last year, so perhaps he could be a little more understanding.

My 36 year old son phoned me at 10 pm the other evening, wanting to know where I'd been. I'd been out for a meal with friends and the restaurant was noisy so I hadn't heard my mobile ring. I treated it lightly and asked why he phoned - he said 'just checking you're alive as I couldn't get in touch! You did enough checking on me when I was less responsible and now I'm checking on you!' That's me told, then

No-one is too old to have their loved ones be concerned that they are safe, are they?

I don't think you're been stupid at all, green. Your concerns are perfectly reasonable in view of worries from last year.
It's good to hear you say you're going to try not to worry - just takes a bit of practice and I am sure you'll soon feel much more settled and relaxed. Go easy on yourself. All the best.

My son NEVER remembers my b'day. My dd usually does,
I accept the fact that with his bipolar and possible autistic problems, he is not going to change!
I just accept it!

green ((hug)) brave lady.

green, you can do it! x

SJP, I'm sorry your son didn't remember your birthday, and I know just how much you had hingeing on that. I've been in that situation - just wanting SO MUCH for them to think of me enough to simply send me a card. I've actually come to the conclusion that our adult children can sometimes be thoughtless and selfish. They love us - I have no reason to think that mine don't love me - but I think that sometimes I'm 'put up with' and not always afforded the respect that I deserve!
Today, I had a real telling-off from my son. As some of the other Gransnetters will remember, he'd had a recurrence of serious personal problems last year, which he'd overcome again. Since then, I've never been able to settle, terrified that it would all raise its ugly head again. I realise I'd got it all out of proportion, but couldn't help myself and I was really obsessing about it. The other day, I wasn't able to contact him. I was so frightened that it had all happened again and when I finally did contact him, he was quite abrupt. I spoke to him today, and told him how I was feeling. He was really quite angry, and said that at his age (40), he shouldn't have to be 'clocking-in' to show me he was ok. I realise I'm being very stupid, and not helping him in any way at all. I'm also not helping ME. Tomorrow morning when I wake up, I'm going to try so hard not to start worrying about it all over again. I will manage that, I'm sure.
SJP, try to be kind to yourself. Sometimes we don't think of what WE need. We do need our families to love and care for us, as we do them, but we do have a life as well. I'm going to try to pick up mine again, because I'm doing no-one any good, feeling like I do! (Sorry about the rather long post!)

nanachrissy Thank you. Bags helped me to fine-tune the article. It's now down to the editor to print and showcase Gransnet on behalf of all the members.

That's impressive soop. I'm looking forward to reading your article

Well done soop

The final draft has been sent to a certain editor of a ceratin publication. Thursday is the busiest day of the week for him. However, within less than five minutes, nice editor had responded with...Perfect!

Will confirm date of publication when I'm certain.

Bags was kind enough to read my GN article. She was complimentery and has made some pertinent comments which will enable me to produce the final draft for that up-class magazine It's good to have a pal who is prepared to give an honest appraisal. Thanks, Bags

Last message was a bit cryptic - son did not remember birthday. Good news for chadsky and good to know that independent social workers do value grandparents. I have managed to get the local authority onside re contact and have got it written into the care plan to be presented at court. Advice I was given by solicitors is to work with the local authority and so far it has seemed to bear fruit.

chadsky don't worry, I will keep fighting for the gran I am involved with. I like to think I would always have fought for children to remain within their own family but since becoming a grandmother myself it has acquired a special resonance - I cannot imagine how I would feel if someone tried to take my grandson away and place him with strangers. Obviously if I thought that a grandparent posed any risk I would have to speak out but so often it is simply prejudice and this obsession with adoption that seems to have taken hold of Social Work departments. The fostering panel is a month away so we shall see whether they listen to me or the children's Social Worker. Fingers crossed.

I think I'm right in saying that up until now there has been no interest in the plight of grandparents and it's as if a door is very slowly being opened. If it opens far enough it should surely open the eyes of the people who are hurting us so badly, it can no longer be a secret, hidden, family thing.

So well done one and all for whatever steps you make and however you make them.

Thoughts and hopes with all GNs fighting for regular contact with grandchildren.

Pleased to hear of the positive outcome.

Can only imagine what it must be like for those of you missing your grand children.

Jane has done a wonderful job Maniac. She gives so much support, yet is in the same unhappy position herself. She deserves a medal, but I am sure she would settle for seeing her grandaughter

Nightowl, please for the childrens sake, and Grans all over the place in this awful position. I can honestly say, I have never known such heartache - as the past 19mnths, (It has been like losing my own child) keep fighting - the social worker from the social services wanted that for my grandaughter - but I hung in there, and was advised by the guardian to try for an SGO - she herself had not been happy with the initial assesment. so we kept fighting. and all has been for the best -

NAN ban I feel for you, and hope your day will come soon.

Just seen the article in today's 'Woman' magazine.p.44
It is about Jane who started the 'Denied Contact'thread on Gransnet.
I am a member of her support gp.She is working so hard campaigning and supporting unhappy grandparents.She doesn't usually look so grim but photographers want sad Photos!

SJP ??