at being outraged at my husband cutting

I used to have an old book on poisons. Whilst going through a long divorce when my husband would not move out the book disappeared...

Some years ago we were buying a large quantity of tinned dog food on special offer and I remarked it was a pity we couldn't eat it - it looked so good. A woman in the queue told us that during a bad spell in her marriage (preceding a divorce) she had emptied a tin of dogfood into a casserole just before serving it to her husband....

it does depend if you tread on them in bare feet

Are you coming to the party, maxgran? Yet more harmless fun.

Whats wrong with toe nail clippings ?? They are the same type of material as hair.. Its not as if its excrement ?!
Obviously its best if they are not dropped all over the place but there are worse things than seeing a few nails on the floor.
I doubt cooking them in a stir fry would bother everyone. I know people who chew and eat their fingernails.

I couldn't imagine doing anything revengeful to my partner even though he drives me nuts at times.

I once nearly killed my ex, but sadly it was unintentional. I made elderflower champagne and put it in a screw top bottle. So much for my scientific background... It exploded just behind him and chipped the plaster on the opposite wall. He was, undeservedly, unscathed.

You need to watch with those free-range haggis. MacSween's are better trained.

My aunt put one of those tinned jammy puddings on to boil and forgot about it. When she realised it would be boiling dry she went into the kitchen to check just as it exploded and the tin hit the door she was opening, slamming it in her face. If she'd been half a second earlier ......

Once I didn't kill a haggis properly before I boiled it. It exploded out of the pan and splattered the ceiling! Nobody in range fortunately! I let it dry and then painted over it because the stippling effect was quite nice.

You have to be careful with wild haggises.

When my girls were very small, I used to make a pot of porridge for DH's early breakfast, cover it and put it to one side until both babies were up and dressed etc, then add a spot of water and warm it up for theirs and mine. One morning I had two hungry children waiting ready to eat and discovered I had left said porridge on the heat solidifying into flapjack glue. Threw pan into the sink in disgust, but it was still soft enough to spray in an arc all down the venetian blinds. Took ages to clean it all off, long enough to repent.

That reminded me, a while back my long time friend and business partner threw a bag of potatoes at her husband, they missed him and went straight through the rather large picture window, he was not amused!

A long time ago but good anycase - my very straight-laced girlfriend rang in a bit of a state. I've just thrown a saucepan at ......! Oh is that all, that's not so bad. It is, it had the mash potatoes in for dinner. She went straight to the top of my estimation.

C'mon Baggy, no self denigration around here.

Baggy,all you lovely ladies are worth more than you think.

We're good for a laugh if nothing else, aren't we, bunic?

thanks for making laugh,its nearly 5am cant sleep,i am wondering what mrs bunic has done to in past ??

Such a wonderful lot of truly funny things - you've all made my day since I discovered this thread. Thanks

I'll never look at a fried egg in the same way again!

My OH has just requested a fried egg with his supper....when I stopped laughing he wanted to know what was so funny - which started me laughing again. He finally got his fried egg, on a plate though !!!!!

nanachrissy - it's a long day without a laugh in it! Seriously though, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you just now. I hope that you're able to get a bit of comfort from being here, too.

Joining this website is the best thing I've done since my last divorce!! You never fail to make me laugh out loud and you cheer me up so much (having a very tough time at the moment). Great stuff girls xxx

When my daughter was very little I became very fed up with giving her nursery tea, doing bath time and bedtime, cooking grown-ups' supper and sitting around while it burned to a frazzle in the oven until ten, eleven or even later at night. No amount of reasonable complaint, suggestions about using the telephone or sheer nagging had any effect. Even, "Your dinner's in the bin" didn't work. However, "Your pants are in the freezer" was quite effective, especially as he didn't read the note until the next morning when getting ready for work.

Well, to be quite honest,*sussexpoet*, I was such a rotten cook at the time, that although the edges were really quite burnt, the rest of the egg was very runny...so really, it was more a case of gathering it up and slapping it ..um..somewhere near to the actual 'target'.....I don't think much reached the 'target', but he got the idea though. I was a liberated woman - it was 1970!!!

Oh, stop all of you; I'm laughing so hard it hurts! But do tell me, how on earth did you get the fried egg in there? A boiled egg I can visualise, but fried?!
Shirts, socks, etc. left on the floor? Simple, just put them in the garbage bin, and wait for the day when he can't find any clean ones!
Right on, sisters!

Please stop..my sides are splitting with laughing so hard. I think you're all wonderful. I'll never be able to eat a fried egg again