To think being honest is normal?

I put my glasses down on a desk in the library beside my notes for 2 minutes. When I came back they were gone. Not even "lost" or "left" just put down while I went to the loo.

Honesty is always the best policy, however not every one feels the same when we were at the airport couple of weeks ago DH lost his glasses . They were not handed in so now he has to buy a new pair which as we all know don"t come cheap so a little bit miffing.

I used to live opposite a small park and on a number of occasions found handbags that had obviously been stolen, rifled and then abandoned. I always managed to track down the owners and return the bags, although cash and sometimes credit cards had already been taken. However, one woman had most of a year's receipts in her bag and needed them for a her tax return, another had a collection of family photographs and so on. Quite a few still had door keys. They were always immensely grateful and I think everyone of them sent me flowers.

FlickeyB; that's how I felt when my son found the £70. Looking back I'm not even sure if we questioned the person who had 'lost it' sufficiently. I do hope we asked exactly how much had been lost.

I was told that many ladies grew a couple of fingernails extra long for such subversive activities in National Trust Gardens . Wouldn't do it it the Alnwick Gardens 'Poison Garden', I suspect .....

I went to a police station once to hand in a roll of about £100 I had found in the street. While I was at the desk the policeman took a call, it was the person who had lost it ringing up to report the loss. The policeman said to the caller 'I have a lady at the desk at this moment handing it in.' According to the policeman the response was 'Good, I'll be in to collect it later' and the phone went down. Not even a perfunctory word of thanks. I wasnt bothered whether I got thanked or not but I still remain amazed at the incivility of the caller who could conduct a call like that knowing the finder was present and not feel the need to utter one word of thanks.

Oh dear, I didn't realise I was inviting these confessions about swiping cuttings in the beautiful gardens around the country.

Any other crimes anyone wants to cough to?

My Dad and I used to walk several paces behind my Mum and my (then) husband so that we weren't implicated in their 'theft' of cuttings in botanic gardens and NT properties.

Preferably National Tryst sorry Trust cake Carol. Pity you don't live nearer, I would treat you.
My Nana who was as honest as day long, used to nick cuttings

Taking cuttings from a National Trust garden - the quintessential middle class theft! But surely it means you are creating more beauty in the world, albeit in your own garden, and I am sure you don't damage the parent plant, so what harm is done?
Of course the biggest thieves are the banks and credit card companies and thank goodness they are finally having to pay for some of their misdeeds - several billions so far in repaying PPI. They should have been charged with fraud.

I know nanachrissy! I have grown some beautiful garden plants and bushes over the years, courtesy of the National Trust. Occasionally, a kind gardener will offer a little something when I have expressed interest, but more often it's furtive fumblings with a pair of nail scissors, into the brolly and as soon as possible it gets wrapped in wet tissue. I don't do it that often that the gardens are getting depleted - honest!!

Mmmm... in a closed umbrella, now there's a thought!!

Very thoughtful post Carol.

I think I would like to opt for the 'something' Jess. Does it involve fresh cream and chocolate?

Great post Carol. You should blog or something.

I think honesty is normal, and dishonesty is normal, too. Honesty sometimes comes from wisdom and understanding about the consequences of not being honest, but you do see people who have found a way to be honest in spite of dishonest influences around them. Having worked with criminals for the whole of my career, I have been surprised at how 'honest' some people have regarded themselves to be in most ways, except for the offences they have committed. For examples, burglars with strong boundaries about how you should treat children, shoplifters who wouldn't touch their family's belongings but will take from large supermarkets, child abusers who would not take a penny that wasn't theirs, domestic violence perpetrators who think it's alright to knock their partner about but are extremely polite and respectful to others. It's hypocritical to say 'at least I don't fiddle with kids' when they are victimising innocent shoppers queueing in a bank when a bank raid takes place' as these offenders don't realise the devastating impact they have caused with their actions. You hear these rationisations every day in a prison.

Humans seem to be naturally drawn to creating a pecking order to try and tell themselves they are better or worse than others. It pervades everything we do and brings us comfort. When we are not honest, the dissonance between what we aspire to be and how we actually are is dissipated by us telling ourselves and others that we do good and honest deeds, as though to offset the dishonesty. Humans lie, take things that belong to others (even if it's only that tiny cutting of that coveted plant in the gardens of a stately home that I pop in my closed umbrella!!), and we cause harm to others when relationships end acrimoniously, so we tell ourselves it's better to end it now than continue in a dishonest relationship pretending to be happy. We can't help but be 'dishonest' every now and then - we often do it to minimise upset or to cope with something unpleasant.

Is honesty normal or is the reverse normal? In recent weeks I've quite enjoyed watching 'Stella' on the telly, single mum, 3 kids, pregnancy (daughter), new younger boyfriend (mum), older son just out of prison, so far, so ordinary? But then Stella's brother - who until then had been quite a likeable character if a bit flaky - it transpires he is to appear in court for years of benefit fraud. And it's a matter of 'oh, presh, sorry for you, it won't be too bad, it's only a couple of grand' etc etc. So is dishonesty normal enough then to be written into the storyline of a show about an ordinary family? It left me thoroughly confused. Put me off the show, if I'm honest.

You do know that there it is a crime to keep property you find ? stealing by finding, punishable by deportation not so long ago.

em .

Mind you, I hope you pointed out that honesty is as much about them as it is about the recipricants. I'm sure you did. Sounds a good lesson.

When teaching 11 yearolds we had this very discussion and the comment which had widest support came when one boy said he'd hand back the found £10 note
'if he thought it belonged to someone's gran or granddad' but not if he thought it belonged to a rich man. We did point out that it would be hard to tell so the majority opted to hand it back 'just in case'!

I can't say, hand on heart that I'm totally honest. If I saw someone drop their purse or money I would run after them and give it back; if I found a wallet I would hand it in to a post office or some such place; if I found a credit card I would contact the bank concerned to cancel it, but if I found money lying in the street I would keep it. A couple of times I handed money in to a nearby shop until I realised that the chance of someone losing it and going back to the shop was quite remote and that the shopkeeper probably just kept it.

Well, I did say if I were a really poor person! I'm not so I probably wouldn't keep the Rolex. But what about Robin Hood? He is supposed to be a hero yet he stole things. And if honesty is normal there are a lot of abnormal folk out there, including amongst the richest members of society, bankers, MPs etc.

My son once found £70 in the street. Was claimed by one of my neighbours. Didn't even buy him an easter egg as a thank you, so I bought him one. Thought that was pretty shabby.

Well said absent I go out of my way to return property to its owner and if I see money on a shop floor I always pick it up and give it to an assistant.

Actually, of course being honest is normal. I don't believe there is a single gransnetter who finding a Rolex watch or £500 or a diamond brooch would keep it for herself (or himself, I know we have granddads too). I don't believe that we would accept change of a £20 note knowing that we had proffered only a £10 note. I think we come from a background where "honesty is the best policy" and we stick to it because that way we sleep easy in our beds.