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Excuse me!!

(22 Posts)
Jacey Tue 20-Mar-12 20:13:35

Does anyone else think this is acceptable ...

I couldn't win the arguement because she was intelligent so I hit her!!

Excuse me for being intelligent!! shock

Carol Tue 20-Mar-12 20:28:02

Dennis Waterman is a domestic violence perpetrator, whether he likes it or not!

Anagram Tue 20-Mar-12 21:09:52

Men have very fragile egos. I'm sure we've all known, or known of, men like Dennis Waterman. I'm not condoning his behaviour (far from it!) but I didn't get the impression that he was trivialising the subject of domestic violence.
There are probably women who lash out for the same reasons.

nelliedeane Tue 20-Mar-12 21:45:05

I do not condone violence for whatever reason male or female ,after reading the link it seems that Dennis let his feelings of inadequacy deal with the one is responsible for the way another reacts to them,their feelings are their own,some behaviours are provocative and unless I have walked in that persons shoes I cannot judge.
Once is once too often and not being privy to their private life cannot guage wether this was about power and control,there are many forms of abuse,verbal,and mental,and because of rulas stronger intellect maybe he felt threatened by this and re taliated.....shame I always liked Dennis' characters wont be able to see him in the same light now...even though I have kept an open mind......hope this makes sensexx

Carol Tue 20-Mar-12 21:56:43

I don't understand why he couldn't walk away - to stay and overpower her with violence is cowardly. She has alleged he was abusive to their daughter, too. It would be interesting to hear her version of what happened.

There are more female domestic violence perpetrators than the public thinks - I was the manager of a probation hostel for female offenders before retiring and you would be surprised at what violence had been done to men - boiling chip pans thrown at them, stabbed in the back, murdered in their sleep and so on. A few were seen as defending themselves before the next round of violence started, but quite a few had picked partners who they could overpower and control through violence. I wouldn't seek to excuse those women and Dennis Waterman shouldn't be excused. Good that he shows regret now - all credit for that, but not for minimising it by saying he's not a wife beater, he only hit her. He blacked her eye on one of the occasions. I'll be interested to watch his interview when it's broadcast.

Greatnan Wed 21-Mar-12 07:14:17

These men who hit women/children because they are 'provoked' by them usually manage to control their anger when 'provoked' by their boss or by other men.

Carol Wed 21-Mar-12 07:21:31

True Greatnan! I'd be interested to know how many men Dennis Waterman hit when having an argument.

petallus Wed 21-Mar-12 07:59:46

I've always liked Dennis Waterman - or at least the characters he plays. I remember when he and Rula Lenska started their affair and friends of the couple commented on the huge powerful sexual charge between them. I was a bit envious at the time but it just goes to show!

GoldenGran Wed 21-Mar-12 08:54:29

I agree petallus I liked him too. I was married to someone like that once, he only hit me when I really drove him to it, so it was alright!.He too was, and I expect still is, in denial.

Annobel Wed 21-Mar-12 09:18:48

GG that sounds oh so familiar. Why was he allowed to yell at me but if I yelled at him.....

GoldenGran Wed 21-Mar-12 12:39:58

Isn't life good without them Annobel, second husband has shown me what a good relationship is.

kittylester Wed 21-Mar-12 14:18:44

You've got to feel sorry for the poor soul, really! angry

Greatnan Wed 21-Mar-12 14:34:50

My husband took to hitting our older daughter once she was able to defeat him in reasonable arguments. It sealed his fate. Waterman's excuse is that Rhula was more intelligent than he was - he obviously should have married an airhead to keep his precious ego intact.
I am put in mind of the men who 'buy' a Thai bride in the belief that they will be Stepford wives - I love it when I hear about the women who turn out to be feisty.

dorsetpennt Wed 21-Mar-12 22:49:20

Didn't his daughter appear in Eastenders as one of Ian Beale's many wives? Sorry no-one should hit anyone - men shouldn't hurt someone weaker then themselves and women shouldn't take advantage of being the so called 'weaker sex' and hit men. Knowing he won't hit back. Any form of violence is vile - protecting yourself or someone else is something else all together.

Nanban Thu 22-Mar-12 09:44:49

Life is never one-sided and people are only human - who knows what strains they as a couple were under. However, violence never solves anything and walking away is always the simplest and best option. I love the way young parents today solve problems with the star/rewards system so much nicer than the slaps we were given and it lays down a different foundation.

Greatnan Thu 22-Mar-12 09:50:41

Nanban - I am not sure that life is never one-sided - if you read the heart-breaking stories from members who have lost contact with their grandchildren through no fault of their own I am sure you will agree that good people can be made to suffer very unfairly.

Barrow Thu 22-Mar-12 11:46:23

Some years ago we lived in the same street as a womens refuge. Talking to them it seemed they endured years of abuse but what prompted them to leave was when their partner started hitting the children.

One weekend my husband and myself were in the garden when we heard a lot of shouting coming from the refuge. It seemed that the husband of one of the women had turned up and was demanding to see her. My husband went and stood between the front door and the man and suggested if he wanted to see his wife he would have to go through him first. At first the man tried to intimidate my husband but when that didn't work and he thought he would have to deal with someone as strong, or stronger, than himself he left and as far as we were aware he never returned.

Carol Thu 22-Mar-12 12:14:36

I used to get pimps, irate boyfriends and other angry men turning up at the women's hostel I worked in. We would just phone the police and ask them to drop by - the hostel was securly locked. One was so incensed that a gang of women would refuse him access to 'his woman' that he threw a big round iron grid cover at the windows - they were triple glazed and covered with safety glass, so it bounced off and knocked him out. He left by ambulance. Funny....we never saw him again!

Jacey Thu 22-Mar-12 12:26:36

That's a wonderful story Carol ...such justicegrin

expatmaggie Thu 22-Mar-12 14:14:11

Barrow - yes I worked in women's refuge for 25 years ( voluntary) and in the beginning when the house had just got started I used to 'rescue' women and their children from outlying villages. My DH was always afraid for me and often came with me but the abusive men were often diffident young men who trembled at the sight of anybody in authority. I was never abused not even verbally.

Carol Thu 22-Mar-12 14:21:58

Great work expat. To see the light come back into women's eyes when they realise just how far they can go without being weighed down by some waster makes the job worthwhile smile

HappyNanna Thu 22-Mar-12 14:53:03

I was really surprised when I read this (and it brought back some unhappy memories) as that was just the situation with my ex-husband many years ago. He hit me (mainly when he'd been drinking) because he couldn't win an argument with words and so he resorted to violence. He blamed me for his inadequacies. Finally got rid of him after 15 years. Now married to a lovely man who wouldn't dream of hitting me even though I can still win an argument with words!