Is this all there is?

isthis, what a great career. It must have been soul destroying having it snatched from you before you were ready.

I think Crimson has it right. It's infuriating when your physical self lets your mental self down. There's a lot to come to terms with, but there must be something out there to keep your exceedly talented head happy without over stressing your body. Writing and art come to mind?

Have you thought of writing about your life in TV - I am sure you have plenty of tales to tell.

Man walked into the doctor's with a steering wheel down his trousers.

Doctor: "What's that for?"

Man: "Sorry Doctor, it's driving me nuts"

Yup, u'r right. Time for bed. Night night.

Then your problem isn't that you retired, but you retired before you were ready to. That's where the frustration comes from, I guess. Have you heard of the jockey, Richard Dunwoody? Most jockeys reach a point where they realise how dangerous the job is and then they move on, but he was injured before he was ready to quit and has spent the past few years walking to the south pole and stuff like that. Always pushing himself to the limit. As a jockey he was the ultimate professional and,again pushed himself to the limit. I alway feel that, had he retired when his head was ready to, and not his body, he would have gone into training or media work etc. Don't think your head and your body are in the same place. But, it's very late and if I had any sense I'd go to bed, because I'm probably talking gobledegook. I'm brassed off because I can't walk properly at the moment and it's driving me nuts!

Is Deedaa's post in the right place??

I keep meaning to reply to all the many interesting and helpful points that people have made in this discussion. Thank you.

At least two people have asked me what I used to do as a job. It seems polite to reply.

I've spent all my working life as a Freelance TV Director (Drama). There aren't any staff jobs in Drama, everyone is freelance. I directed lots of soaps and also mid evening dramas on BBC1 and ITV. And arts programmes on ITV and Channel 4. Early on some documentaries and news, plus many corporate films and a few commercials.

I also directed a fair amount of theatre. Then in my 40s, at the same time, I ran a training course in Liverpool for unemployed adults. And in my 50s and 60s, I lectured at Universities (3 of them) and ended up Head of Department of a very large Uni Department.

Then, when I was 59, I was diagnosed with MS. It was invisible from the outside, I just got more tired very quickly. My University employers thought it was totally unacceptable, even a joke, when I asked to be able to lie down somewhere to rest 1-2pm each day. When I went to lecture in China, on the other hand, I was expected to take a rest after lunch!

In the end, after much harassment, I was dismissed. For having Multiple Sclerosis. And Yes, they are able to do that.

So the answer is - directing drama in telly. Then University lecturing.

Not sure why that's useful, but let's see where it goes!

Sorry to all the people who've greeted me - I've not been back here for a few days as we had a sudden emergency with my son in law! Fortunately it looks as if 2 or 3 days in hospital & some antibiotics should sort him out & we can all get back to normal

isthisall. I apologise profoundly for my gaffe in not reading your OP. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Quite the contrary. However, I stand by the rest of my post. You have probably had more influence on more people than you believe. In your OP (yes, I have re-read it), you say that you have been 'an active creator of culture professionally'. I'd love to know what that involved because I'm assuming (forgive me) that you must have been responsible for giving something of value to many people. I realise that your life has gone into a trough as it has for quite a few of us but there are positives that you mentioned in the OP - friends, hobbies, faith. Your life sounds quite rich to me.

All there is is what you choose there to be. I chose lots of of joyous things. Please yourself.

Isthis: sock darning? Yes, jam making? yes. I can't claim the sheets though!

I'm not sure you would have found those chores too exciting; if so, the option is still there!

I don't wish to be presumptious but I think boredom is the problem. I understand that; as I said, if you've enjoyed your career there is nothing to take it's place.

You were correct about my Granny, she lived in a village, no car, people dropping in all the time - lots of face to face with actual people. And she was content. We have to try and find contentment now and to my mind that comes from accepting the fact that our working lives have finished but that doesn't mean we have.

Oh and did I mention counting blessings?

The quote from Dylan Thomas 'dying of the light' refers to death I think!

And another poem"Say not the struggle naught availeth" Worth reading the rest

nelliemoser I loved your post and agree with everything you said.

"What is this life if so full of care
We have no time to stand and stare".

Isthis are you a glass half-empty person, or are you perhaps a little depressed? I send you warm greetings and hope you can find some joy in life, contentment and peace.

There, Anno, that'll teach you to try to be helpful! No good deed goes unpunished.

People who work in charity shops might be sensitive too isthisall and not be too happy to see themselves put down.

There are lots of ways one can get involved in doing something that also involves meeting other people for a natter and a cup of tea as well as helping your community.

Sel says count your blessings - do you not think you have anything that counts as a blessing?

Cheers jeni, yes it does.

I think your raging quote comes from Dylan Thomas do not go gently, poem

annodomini "Think about it, isthisallthereis , I assume you have children and grandchildren."

My original post states clearly that I don't. In actuality, I very much wish I had.

By not reading what I'd written before you blurted into print, you've made me feel quite a bit worse. Yes I'm over sensitive, some people are.

Thank you to all the very helpful posters. Yes, Sel (great name, sel as in salt perhaps) The salt has not lost its savour, the place of modern tech is interesting. My partner dislikes me spending time "on my device" even though otherwise we're very happy indeed. This cyber-stuff is detached, it's never as good as a good natter over a mug of tea, face to face. Just as a phone call is never as good as meeting up (for me). Yes I'm a dissatisfied type to some extent, but not entirely. Plenty of things I think are great and that I love doing.

"Goodness knows how previous generations amused themselves. Crikey, my Granny didn't even have a television or a phone" but I bet she nipped next door for a natter, I bet she wrote letters (and received them). Perhaps the family spent long periods over communal meals, perhaps she embroidered. Or played sport. Maybe she went to church, twice on a Sunday. Maybe no car, walked to the shops. No supermarket. She certainly would have had much less time to fill with amusements once she'd done her chores. Have you ever done a full load of washing, sheets and all - by hand! Or darned a sock? Or made jam from a big pile of fruit? They all take quite a long time!

Hi Sel and welcome What a sensible post!! My nan had phone but panic always ensued if it dared to ring

Deedaa (see I can do it if I concentrate!!)

As a newbie here, taking the plunge...I do believe that 'counting one's blessings' actually works. If your working life was such that you were engrossed, happy, fulfilled, valued, stimulated etc then it is hard to find a role in retirement that will bring you those things again.

It's a 'making the best of it ' scenario, at best! But, think of the alternative. I, for one, am very grateful for the advances in technology. What we are doing here, on the Internet, is amazing. My laptop is a portal to an outside world at any time of the day or night. Goodness knows how previous generations amused themselves. Crikey, my Granny didn't even have a television or a phone. We are so lucky.

I think someone else mentioned volunteering - there are many opportunities and many don't require good knees!

Welcome Deedaa keep logging on and joining in! [flower]

anno exactly!

Did you hear me on the radio this morning? No because I'm not that important, but I still make a difference albeit at a much lesser/lower level than that. The difference I make is, nevertheless, valued by the people I help on a day-to-day basis.

There are so many ways one can help ordinary people in their ordinary lives. People who have never thought about British trade in Iraq but are having a really hard time of it here and now and value any help they receive, be it from a Cambridge graduate or someone like me with no degree at all.

People who work in, volunteer for, contribute to and buy from charity shops are real assets to our community.

bluesky, isthat all, Stop beating yourselves up! Get out there, or stay in there and enjoy your interests without feeling guilty because you are not (in your own terms) doing anything "useful." for both.

I dont go out that much to theatres etc. I do go to two choirs, three U3A events a week one requiring homework. and I garden and go to a knitting club which provides lots of laughter.

I "think" travelling would be nice but it seems to me really too much of an effort and with DH it tow it would be even more stressful.

I sometimes think I should be out there seeing the world, just because I could, and that I am wasting opportinities etc. but when it comes down to it I am happy pottering about the UK with the odd day out or short break abroad.

Don't get over influenced by the media images of the fit retired going off having wonderful adventures and think that because you are not doing these things you are wasting your life!

Do what YOU want (within reason and the law) but don't think you are wasting your time on the planet because you don't particularly want to do useful or exciting stuff.

My only complaint about retirement is that I have to limit what I do as there are not enough days in the week. The last thing I want to do is to volunteer for anything.
Enjoy the moment. Sit in the sun with a cup of tea and watch the bees go by! Do what you physically can, when you can and enjoy being! Remember there doesn't have to be a "reason" just enjoy the moment. Or like me and elegran suggest spend time enjoying gransnet.

I suppose we all reassess our lives from time to time and think, 'what could I have done differently?' I often think 'what if... I had studied languages instead of English... if I'd become a solicitor... if I'd managed to write a novel..' The list goes on. Then I reflect on what I have here and now. If I'd done any of these things, I wouldn't have exactly the lovely sons and grandchildren I have now; I might be better off financially; have that period cottage in a pretty village..... I would probably have the dodgy joints though!

What do you mean by 'a properly valuable level'? You may have made a difference to people without knowing it. What was your career? I don't think you've mentioned that. Another definition (Whitehead, I think) of education is 'learning to be human' - a bit different from the definition you have gone by. I've been a teacher - latterly of adults - and I could see students changing in confidence. Is that a 'properly valuable level'? When my colleagues and I taught in Africa, it's my belief that we helped women in Kenya to gain a position in the life of the country - I know that's a big claim, but there is evidence. Most of us are still anonymous on a national or international level, but we know that because we were there at a time of great change, we helped to 'make a difference'.

Think about it, isthisallthereis , I assume you have children and grandchildren. It is NEVER too late to help the GC to realise their potential, give them confidence to be themselves, even to 'make a difference'.

There has just been a woman on the radio, Baroness Nicholson. I googled her afterwards and: she was diagnosed deaf at age 10, had a career as a computer programmer, was an MP in Devon and is now an MEP, and is currently age 71.

She was on the 8am news this morning, talking about British trade involvement in Iraq, particularly Basra.

Why aren't I like her? Active and making a difference. And I don't mean volunteering for the local charity shop; a bigger platform is what I mean. Making a difference at a properly valuable level.

Yes, I do feel frustrated. I didn't work hard at a good school, then do a Cambridge degree ..... for this! One aim of education is usually given as "realising an individual's potential". Doesn't seem to apply to me any more.

It did. And YES, IT IS NOW TOO LATE (shout, shout!) What was that line about raging against the something of the night??

Scrap-heap, ennui, age-discrimination, diminishing powers..... Your thoughts? Please. Grrr...

Hello Deedaa there's a friendly welcome here

Sit in your chair with your laptop on your knee Deedaa and log in to Gransnet. There is always someone to chat to and all kinds of things to talk about.