Is this all there is?

Mamie Nicely put.

I think it is fine to be puzzled, to question, to be bored, to seek to understand change. I have a lovely home, a DH of forty plus years, wonderful children and grandchildren. I do count my blessings, but I still question how I can do things better, how I will deal with the years to come. I think that is just the human condition.

isthis; I can't retire yet, and my life seems to be nothing but work and maintaining my house. And I'm trying to get on top of paperwork etc. And my knee is, as the consultant said a few years ago 'considerably older than the rest of me'. And that is now my 'good' knee. We go to the cinema and the theatre a lot so our life is similar to yours. However, I think the root cause of how you feel is your knee and loss of mobility. I bet you're not getting out and about as much as you used to [or, like me, put off doing so because it make you more aware of what you can no longer do]. Touch of 'sad syndrome' because of it as well maybe? Sort the knee out and everything else may fall into shape, perhaps? I hope so. Bit of a shock when the body starts to let you down. I was always so fit and healthy; can't believe how I feel now. Bet you can't either.

I never feel like this. I never ask myself what I am here for, because I don't think there is any reason or purpose, except what we make for ourselves.
I am perfectly happy in my retirement, never bored, and count myself very fortunate to have good health and enough income to pursue my hobbies.

You are definitely not the only one Isthis... My life is full - I hurtle from one week into the next with activities of one sort or another; some inflicted, some chosen to the extent I sometimes feel guilty when I take time just to sit and do nothing 'of value'. I'm conscious of getting older and trying to make the most within my limitations of what life I have left. I do make a rod for my own back and sometimes I'm too conscientious. Striking a happy medium can be hard. But I too wonder occasionally why am I doing what I do? To feel valued? To keep my brain active? It's perhaps because we're going through a certain stage of our lives - a time of adjustment.

Hi Isthis
I am glad to know that I am not the only one who has moments of "what am I for?" at various stages in my life. I am certainly busy in retirement with voluntary work, grandchildren and studying but still do have these weird moments. I agree it is not depression, just a kind of existential questioning. I don't think there are any answers - we just have to live with it. I often wonder if it is specifically women who feel this way as we are expected to have caring roles, fulfill them wholeheartedly and then relinquish them when we are no longer needed! Anyway I hope you find what nourishes you and that your health improves so that you can get on with life.

Isthis, I'm sure we've all felt like this from time to time. Partly I think it hits retired people who have had productive busy and possibly powerfully influential lives the most. Our lives are so defined in many ways by our work, these days that often we forget how to achieve a balance. I also think that it must be very, very difficult to be in pain, endure restricted mobility and thus not even able to do the volunteer work you chose. However, perhaps you could look ahead to when your health is restored and make plans for that. You say you are a member of a church, perhaps there are possibilities there for you to begin some new initiatives which will utilise your talents. You say you were a creator of culture professionally. You don't elaborate on this but if it was the theatre or music there will be very valuable work you could do. Even if you have to put this on hold for the moment you could plan for it. Have you considered one to one tutoring in your specialism? That's very rewarding as you have volunteers not conscripts. Or what about looking at being a trustee for a charity?

It's a huge adjustment, I know, but clearly you have lots of skills and talents and you are not short of social contacts, so things will improve I hope. Just look forward to the new knee!

isthis - It sounds to me as if you're struggling to find a sense of purpose in your life, that will now accommodate your existing circumstances. I have no solution to offer, I'm afraid.
If you've just retired, then it will take some getting use too, as you're clearly well aware. How about desisting from chasing expectations, and let go for a while.
I've had moments of 'what if this is all there is' - but came to conclusion 'so what' - my life is certainly good enough for the moment and that kind of takes the pressure off.

You've joined GN for a start!

I have been retired 20yrs and every now and again I ask 'Is this all there is?'

The other day my daughter said: "Look father, we are born and we die, and all we can do is fill the space between, by doing things we enjoy.

Build a model railway, teach meditation, grow sweetpeas, help others be ok with their lives, read William Hazlitt, whatever. Just fill the space feeling good inside. It can be done."

I do these things. I am mostly happy.

Thank you, Mamie. It's helpful to know I'm not the only one!

I think this is a really interesting question. Of, course there are lots of people who say they have never been busier and are entirely fulfilled in retirement, but I have found it hard. I love spending time with my grandchildren, but I wouldn't build my life around them. I have hobbies, interests and friends, but I do have "what am I for" moments.