..to be upset by sister in law

If she continues to make such hurtful remarks, it might be an idea to say something - not in a confrontational way but maybe to say that you are sure she didn't intend to do so, but that she has really upset you.

Many thanks for all your replies. I think I will just let it go this time - if it happens again I will speak to her about it. absent is right, she is a very sad person - she lives alone and is divorced after a very unhappy marriage.

Her sisters are trying their best to help her but every week or so she binge drinks and that is when she makes these phone calls. As I said I wouldn't have normally answered the phone but was expecting a phone call from my brother about my mother's health (happily she is on the mend).

I agree with when and grannyactivist. Just because she has a drink problem doesn't give her the right to be cruel, and you should tell her just how much this remark has hurt you. If you feel that you can't do that, then ask one of her sisters to talk to her on your behalf. I send you a hug xx

I agree with when. The sister in law has a drink problem that is potentially causing other problems. It may be that holding a mirror up to her will help her to acknowledge that she has indeed got a problem.

Barrow didn't say that her sister-in-law was an alcoholic, but that she has a drinking problem, which is not necessarily the same thing. She (sister-in-law) sounds as if she is a rather sad woman if she implies that she envious of of widowhood, however hurtful that comment is to Barrow herself. Perhaps there is something in her life that she drinks to forget.

Barrow

It is a nasty situation for ALL the family when there is an alcoholic in the mix. I think you are wise to remind yourself that this is not a situation that is aimed at you, as you have mentioned her family are well aware of her drinking problem.

Alcaholism is rotten and an alcaholic takes no prisoners when the 'drink is in'. You were the one on the end of her weakness, nothing more, it will probably be somebody else today.

Try to put it out of your mind and don't let it bring you down as well. Dare I say she is to be pitied in a way.

I agree, let it go. A the time it probably seemed perfectly logical to her - some drunks have no concept of the hurt their careless words can cause. As the rest of the family is aware of her problem I would try to ignore it on this occasion.

Depends on the relationship, whether you tackle her about it. Many drinkers have only addressed their problem when confronted by what they are actually like when drunk. If she will listen to any of you, she might be shocked to hear what she said. Then again........

We all know that drink makes people say hurtful things.
Sensible advice above, let it go for now

How hurtful, but you mustn't let it get to you. She is a silly woman and as the others have said, you must not take any notice of her drunken meanderings. Best leave it to the others - if your relationship with them is good, you might be able to say something, but you will know best.

Or leave the answerphone facility switched on and only pick up if it's someone you want to talk to.

If you had caller i.d. on your phone, you would be able to choose not to answer. If you feel strongly enough, this might be a solution. Meanwhile, leave it to her sisters.

That's rotten for you, barrow. Perhaps in future if you can tell she has been drinking, you could hang up before she has a chance to say something she'd probably regret if she remembered it.

I agree that it's probably not worth tackling her about this. Better to find ways of avoiding hearing such things again.

Barrow I think I would just let it go. As you say she has a problem and won't remember what she said. Just leave it to her sisters.

My own experience of an alcoholic is that they can be not only thoughtless but downright nasty but there is nothing you can do about it and you may only hurt yourself. I know it is horrible but wait a couple of days and then I think you will get it in perspective. Hard I know.