Wedding Presents

I think the standard practice is that if you are invited to the wedding, you give a present whether or not you will be attending.

Depends upon how old you are/ I guess. And the state of your health.

Are you likely to be still around when their children marry?

Am I being thick here? Do you mean they are marrying for a second time?

Oh yes! did you buy one of them an extra present? And have the other two not been born yet?

I think the whole wedding present business is a can of worms especially now that couples frequently live together for many years before they get married.My DS and Dil who got married last year and have all they need decided to ask for money for charity and set up a just giving web page. They raised over £2000 and gave it to charities dear to each side of the family: autism for ours and ME which Dil had suffered from for 6 years in her teens. I know this is fairly common practice now and I applaud it but the point is it wasn't very popular amongst the guests, unfortunately ,especially among the younger ones apparently. Old customs die hard it seems !! On the other hand DD who got married the year before and who also has all the necessary household goods but is much less affluent,asked for money towards the honeymoon or vouchers .This wasn't very popular either with many including myself . What is the answer I wonder?

When an engagement is announced I embroider a little heart to commemorate the day, followed by a sampler relating to the wedding for the wedding gift - they may put it in the downstairs toilet of course, but hopefully never forget an anniversary! It is a nice little extra if I can get a piece of the bride's dress fabric, or bridesmaid fabric to make another heart for the wedding day backed up with said fabric.

I have yet to make one to commemorate a divorce!

What a lovely idea Nanban . Personal gifts are always the best

It depends how much you spend. I see no reason why you should be expected to spend a lot of money, even if you are a close relation. If you choose to give something expensive, then one per niece/nephew. If you are not spending much, each time one of them marries.

My standard present for second marriages and onwards is a bottle of pink champagne, preferably in a box.

With the exception of my DCs when we attend a wedding I usually buy a nice candle such as Jo Malone in a gift box or a gift voucher to their store of choice.

I got an invitation to the wedding of a man friend's daughter. I had never met her. The wedding was in America. I did not send a present.

Greatnan Perhaps some people need to be a bit more sensible and realistic about wedding invitations.

I think some invitations are sent out even though the invitor knows you will be unable to attend, but they want you to know that they thought of you and would have liked you to be there. However for a friends daughter you have never met ...........

In Antony Trollope's novel 'The Eustace Diamonds' there is a wonderful description of the campaign a guardian sets about to maximise the value of wedding presents received by the bride to be, to the extent of demanding more if she thinks the gift is not valuable enough.

Send something from the heart, not from the list or from the money pit.

When a cousin's daughter married her long-time partner, knowing that they had every possible domestic necessity and probably most luxuries, also that she had worked for an aid organisation in Africa, I donated a goat in their name through one of the giving sites.

I often go off list and buy a picture frame or a bottle of bubbly. I love the idea of a nice candle. How about a bottle of massage oil? they'll be so busy laughing they wont think about the cost. You have my sympathy. I recently went to the second wedding of a young man; each event required a big present. During dinner I made a jokey remark about not being prepared to buy a third present if he divorced again and everyone on the table said they had already decided that too.

I have no problem giving money or vouchers - I love going to weddings, I never expect an invitation, but if one comes I feel privileged to be asked to share their day and really it's just a way of helping to contribute to the cost.
My view is perhaps coloured by our years in Hongkong - we were invited to several Chinese weddings. The Chinese have no sentimentality about gifts, and the standard (expected) practice was to give the happy couple a small red envelope containing 'lucky money' - HK$100 to be precise, which was then worth about £10, so the expected amount is probably rather more by now.

In answer to the OP then, if you go to the wedding, of course you must give a gift, the value of the gift being dependent on your own means and how close you are to your nephew/niece.