Gransnet forums


to hope for a Thank you?

(22 Posts)
gracesmum Thu 09-May-13 14:07:57

OK not a big deal, but a neighbour and friend emailed me from her weekend away to say could I top up her bird feeders over the weekend and "throw" some water on her husband's tomato seedlings. (Not "please", note)
I was away until Saturday late afternoon, absolutely shattered after "Granny duty" so didn't actually read my emails until Sunday. On Sunday I did 7 hours in the garden replenishing the herbaceous border until gave up at supper time aching all over , when I dutifully trailed over to her house, no watering can but a tap and a hose which was entirely kinked so didn't gush forth too easily. Watered the seedlings and her tulip pots checked the bird feeders and went home. On Monday I did the same (not the 7 hours work, this time I was enjoying the fruits of my labours) and they came home on Tuesday. I have seen her since, but not a word of thanks have I heard. OK I don't expect effusive gratitude for something so small, but just a quick thank you would do. Also, given that I was away when she emailed, she wasn't even to know I was going to be around at all! AIBU???

moomin Thu 09-May-13 14:16:28

It would have been nice wouldn't it graces? Good manners don't cost much

grannyactivist Thu 09-May-13 14:20:04

YANBU smile

Mishap Thu 09-May-13 14:45:33

Kind neighbours take in our post and keep an eye on everything when we go away - we always buy them a present.

I find this the height of bad manners - YANBU!!

annodomini Thu 09-May-13 14:47:09

Whatever happened to common courtesy? No - not unreasonable at all, G'mum.

FlicketyB Thu 09-May-13 14:58:20

Next time she asks you to do something like this, smile regretfully and explain that you are going away/ up to your neck with other commitments etc etc and will not be able to do it.

My uncle used to cut the grass for some neighbours who had been friends but moved away and kept the house as a holiday home. They never said please or thank you or invited him in for a meal when they visited. Now and again they would give him a bottle of wine, although they knew he was teetotal. I never understood why he kept cutting the grass.

sunseeker Thu 09-May-13 15:04:36

Height of bad manners! When my neighbours were away recently I put out their bins and recycling without them having asked me to (they do the same for me), as soon as they arrived home he came across and thanked me.

Butty Thu 09-May-13 15:22:29

Just a thought graces. Did your friend know you had done as she asked in her email? Did you discuss it when you saw her on her return?

If she did know, then I agree, it was very thoughtless not to have thanked you.

glammanana Thu 09-May-13 15:23:42

I've just read this after putting the phone down on a neighbour who phoned to ask if I was busy ? no say's I not busy at all,then will you go down to the paper shop and get me the Daily paper I forgot to get it when I went out !! she said she would go herself but it was raining and too windy,no please or would you mind so I am now not very popular as I crossed my fingers and told her I was waiting for visitors and couldn't go out.

shysal Thu 09-May-13 16:01:38

What a cheek Glamma! Gracesmum, how strange not to ask you before their departure! I can imagine how put out you feel.
I have a different problem in that a neighbour always cuts the communal grass in front of our terrace of 9 houses, for which I am very grateful. I thank him whenever I see him doing it and also at Christmas give a hefty gift token for way more than the value of the lawn feed etc. with which he dresses the grass. He has never once acknowledged my gift, which I find a bit odd. He claims to enjoy the mowing, but I would never take him for granted.

gracesmum Thu 09-May-13 18:36:20

I think most of us were brought up to know that a Thank you costs nothing weren't we? I agree I felt surprised that she had assumed I would be available, but glamma's story absolutely tops it!!
And yes, she must have realised that I had done it as 1) the seedlings hadn't keeled over and 2) I had not unplugged the hose! Actually I even saw her husband and commented on how brown he looked from sailing at the weekend and he didn't say anything eiither. I could have extracted a thank you by saying something like I hope the seedlings looked OK, but rather as somebody said on another thread about an apology having to be spontaneous, the same is true of a please or thank you. Unless you are a small child - littlest DGS (18 months) who hasn't quite got the hang of speaking, did lisp a "P'eas" at the weekend when prompted. Bless him!!!smile

ninathenana Thu 09-May-13 18:42:54

Mum always used to feed the fish in neighbours pond when they were away. This was always by prior arrangement.
They always bought mum a present to say thank you. But as they had very different taste mum meant it when she said "oh, you shouldn't have"

york46 Thu 09-May-13 21:37:00

Many years ago, a neighbour asked my mother to feed her chickens whilst she was away. She said that Mum should use the eggs that were laid but keep a note of how many there were. Mum duly did so, and when she reported to the neighbour how many eggs there had been, the woman charged Mum for the eggs. She never offered payment to Mum for feeding the chickens!!!!!!!!!

Flowerofthewest Thu 09-May-13 21:50:31

York - unbelievable!!! and the woman should have thanked you Gracesmum, make an excuse next time

Deedaa Thu 09-May-13 22:29:45

A friend of ours who lived in the South of France had some M&S jeans she particularly liked. As I was working at Marks she asked if I could get her another pair and send them over. I had to order a pair in her size as they were out of stock and when they came in I paid for them and packed them off to France...... Result? Total silence. I never heard if they arrived or not and there was no offer to pay and certainly no thanks. I was too cross to go chasing after her asking if they were all right and if I could have my money. Then she and her husband split up and she disappeared into the ether - no great loss actually!

nanaej Thu 09-May-13 22:53:29

How very rude! Excuses not to do it at the ready next time she asks!

At my previous house our neighbour often fed our cats when we were away. I always brought back a small gift for them and sent a p/c if it was a longer time!

Faye Fri 10-May-13 02:00:54

What a rude neighbour york and she is on a par with my daughter's next door neighbour. When asked to feed the cat for a weekend he forgot, even though my SIL feeds the neighbour's dogs who yap constantly while they are away. My daughter decided the next time to ask a friend who lives in the next street if they would feed the chooks and the cat. Her friend said every day her four year old would be excited to go to feed the chooks and collect the eggs. Each day the chooks had laid no eggs. The next time daughter and family were going away for two weeks so she arranged for a house sitter. Again when they were away the chooks had stopped laying. Later they found the next door neighbour had been sneaking over early in the morning to take the eggs before the friend arrived or the house sitters got up in the morning. confused

glammanana Fri 10-May-13 06:45:07

What an absolute cheek Faye all they needed was the bacon and they would have been sorted wouldn't they ? I think maybe my neighbour regards me as her private and personal shopper sometime's as I always ask her if she needs anything when I go to the supermarket but I go down there in my car so it is not a problem, she really took the "michael" yesterday though it was the fact that it was raining and cold and the thought that it would not be a bother to me that annoyed me most.

GillieB Fri 10-May-13 10:52:26

I am always very careful to say thank you when our neighbours help us out - which they do all the time. I am extremely fortunate; we have all been here for years and are always happy to help, although apart from my next door neighbour we sometimes don't see the others for weeks. We have a cat and my lovely NDN will always look after him for us, or if not, her NDN - we even try to co-ordinate being away so that the three houses are not all empty at the same time.

In fact I feel particularly grateful to NDN, as looking after the cat involves going in twice a day to feed him and in the summer there is the greenhouse to water, etc., whereas helping her is just the post, dustbins and houseplants. She used to have elderly parents living in Newcastle and then, when she was away, I used to go to visit them, as I felt that at least I was helping her, too. Good neighbours are like gold, in my opinion, and should be cherished.

Marelli Fri 10-May-13 12:38:00

We co-ordinate our holidays with our NDNs as well, GilllieB. They feed Daisy the Cat and open/close curtains twice a day and we attend to their house for them too. We always bring each other a wee gift back to say thank you. smile

GillieB Fri 10-May-13 18:17:22

Marelli - we always do gifts, too - I have had some beautiful boxes of orchids over the years when my NDNs went to Thailand. We know how fortunate we are with our neighbours.

grandimars Sat 11-May-13 12:57:50

I was in India in Feb and almost at the end of the holiday remembered that before leaving home I had not put the remaining milk in the freezer, so would have no milk for my breakfast the morning after a late night arrival home. I emailed my neighbour who got a pint of milk and left it in a convenient place in the evening, for which I was very grateful and thanked her the next day. She refused to accept the money, since I had emptied her outside post box and looked after her mail when she was in Australia over Christmas. For which, I might add, she gave me a little present when she returned. I am lucky and very thankful that I have good neighbours.