Gransnet forums

AIBU

Wanting to hold onto our little bit of money?

(61 Posts)
numberplease Fri 17-May-13 17:32:27

Eldest son, child number 4, has just been with his wife and 2 teenage boys. They`ve been to look at a touring caravan that`s for sale, about 6 or 7 years old, £5,500. It`s a good price, but they can`t buy it on their own, they want us to go halves with them. It`s a 6 berth van, twin axle, and is 26 feet long. That`s a hell of a long van compared to our present van, which is about 15 foot, and I`m worried that it`s too long for hubby to tow, he IS 69 now, and he`d be towing, son doesn`t drive, and DIL doesn`t want to tow, they`d be taking their own car as well.
But my main worry is the money. All we have in the world, apart from pension money, is about £3,000, which is earmarked for one of our funerals, still trying to accumulate enough for the other one, if we buy this van with them, that`s virtually all our money gone, we wouldn`t get more than a thousand, if that, for our present van. Hubby seems quite keen on the idea, but it worries me, and I don`t know that I`d want to spend every holiday with them, their youngest boy drives me scranny!

numberplease Sun 19-May-13 22:38:43

Oh, he can`t get at the money. We wouldn`t be driving him round, his wife does that, in their/her car.

Stansgran Sun 19-May-13 17:04:21

I hope your nest egg is in a safe place . Might be a good idea to put some of it in an isa. Returns are hopeless at the moment but I would make the money less accessible to your son's vivid imagination. Or premium bonds and you never know you might win.

Charleygirl Sun 19-May-13 16:12:42

Jeanie99, well expressed and I am sure that many others will agree with every word that you have said.

jeanie99 Sun 19-May-13 16:07:46

Numberplease don't even consider blowing your hard earned money on something that you don't even want.
You really need to speak to your husband about your feelings. You are happy with the van you have and why spend money when you don't need too.
The money you have is for something else and I would tell your son that, he as a bloody cheek(sorry for the language) to expect his father to use this money and to drive him around.

I honestly find it totally unbelievable that a son could be so selfish.

As an adult we should look to ourselves for the things we want or need in life not go running to our parents when life doesn't provide the things we want. He and his wife could find another job to pay for the extras.

numberplease Sun 19-May-13 14:18:27

Grannygear, I`d forgotten about that, hope he`ll still be allowed to tow our present van, it`s about 15 or 16 feet long.
Forgot to mention, same son wanted us to sell our house and go in with them on a large bungalow a year or so back, he said we`d not need a mortgage, they`d take that on, we`d just need to sell our house and put that money in as a deposit. Needless to say, we poo-poohed that idea as well!

Flowerofthewest Sun 19-May-13 12:49:38

A great big NO!!!!

GrannyGear Sun 19-May-13 12:25:44

I don't know enough about caravans to advise on whether this is a good buy, but I notice your husband who will be doing the towing is 69. Have you thought that at 70 he will have get a new driving licence that will not only need renewing every 3 years but won't necessarily have the same list of vehicles that he can drive now.
My own husband came across this when he reached 70. His previous licence allowed hime to drive some category (I forget which) of fairly large vehicle and he was debating whether it was worth paying to keep this on his new licence - I don't think it involved a test but there would have been a payment and possibly a doctor's certificate of fitness to drive - which would also be charged for. He didn't bother as we are not likely to buy a large mobile home in the foreseeable future.

Stansgran Sat 18-May-13 23:27:55

Looked up the average cost of a funeral £3,200. I suppose we all better get saving

Deedaa Sat 18-May-13 20:44:24

Good for you number I think he's quite old enough to stand on his own two feet and what sort of example is he setting his boys if he's always relying on his parents?

Marelli Sat 18-May-13 19:49:05

Good for you number! sunshine

numberplease Sat 18-May-13 16:06:02

In answer to your question Anno, yes, he WAS thinking, almost certainly, about how to get what he wants when he wants it. That`s always been his way, to borrow for what he wants, rather than wait and save, then he`s up to his eyeballs in debt. I don`t think he`s been free of debt since he left school, and he`s 43 now!
Anyway, crisis over............hopefully!

Ella46 Sat 18-May-13 14:50:01

number, well done sunshine

HappyNanna Sat 18-May-13 13:58:07

Glad you've sorted it out. I bet that's a weight off your mind. flowers

celebgran Sat 18-May-13 13:50:33

Well done number sounded bad idea!

IS hard to say no have feeling I will struggle if our ds asks for help but will it worry at moment!

soop Sat 18-May-13 12:52:58

Well done, number...you know it makes sense. Enjoy your weekend. smile

HildaW Sat 18-May-13 12:52:01

Numberplease....glad its sorted but do not feel in any way guilty. We all have to learn that if we really want things in life its up to us to do something towards it. I.E. learn to drive, save some money etc etc. Your son is a grown up and perhaps he still has a few 'facts of life' to learn.
Good luck!

j08 Sat 18-May-13 12:39:58

Good for you number. You've done the right thing. Those huge twin axle vans must be a nightmare to tow, quite apart from anything else.

annodomini Sat 18-May-13 10:39:40

Good for you, number and Mr Number. Was your son really thinking when he made this proposal?

Thistledoo Sat 18-May-13 09:37:56

Just say NO. Number you must not be brow beaten over this, your son hasnt got the money to buy this van. He cannot expect you to use your only savings to finance this silly venture. Stay strong.xxxxxxxxxx

sunseeker Sat 18-May-13 08:55:54

Well done number for talking some sense into your DH (although I wonder whether deep down he knew this was a bad idea!)

numberplease Fri 17-May-13 23:50:47

I really can stop worrying now, I was picturing every penny we had metamorphosing into a caravan!

harrigran Fri 17-May-13 23:47:50

Ha ha. no we are not all in bed Sel
Well done number you will stop worrying now smile

Nelliemoser Fri 17-May-13 23:28:37

That was a very definate NO vote, and reassuring that no GNrs were trying to be non-directive in their responses.

Well number how do you really feel about this..... etc. wink

I can see just how having others views on your point of view in these AIBU posts is helpful.
At times we just need others dispassionate view of a situation to confirm or counter what we have been thinking, a bit of support, or a reality check to our more crazy ideas.

Maybe "sounding out" a dilemma works better with the anonymity of GN than with a friend or relative.
T G F Gransnet.

Sel Fri 17-May-13 23:18:26

number excellent. Well done. You'll sleep better tonight that's for sure. Thanks for the flowerswine and [cake] - probably be lots over as most will be asleep now. Better not let them go to waste grin

numberplease Fri 17-May-13 23:14:23

Panic over! I persuaded, well, told, hubby that I wasn`t going to go for it, pointed out that our car, although quite substantial, may not be strong enough to tow this much larger caravan, also that we`d have to holiday in school holidays (more expensive) and did he really want to spend every holiday with 4 other people? Our son has had the opportunity to learn to drive in the past, just doesn`t want to bother, they`d be bringing their own car behind us, it`d just be us in the tow car. Anyway, he rang our son and told him we weren`t bothering. As they know that it was me who was reluctant earlier, my name is probably mud by now!
Thank you all for your replies and great advice, talk about great minds think alike!grin
For all of you flowers wine cupcake x 31! grin