True friends

Anne09
In all this you are a bereaved grandmother. It's true that grandparents grieve twice; once for the loss of a grandchild and again for the pain their own child is going through. It is unbearable to watch your own child suffer what is the worst pain ever, the loss if their own child. The shock of sudden death, like cot death, never leaves you.
Her friends are not helping so of course you feel angry and a year is not long. My heart goes out to you as I know what your are going through.

Anne, sometimes people just don't think. They put themselves first and the fact that someone else might be suffering badly doesn't enter the margin of their mind.

All you can do is to be there for your daughter and comfort her as best you can. It's posdible that at some time soon it might be possible to gently let these two know how hurt your girl was. But don't try to hurt them, I suspect you may regret it and say more than you mean. And, after all they are part if a friendship group - even though a heedless one.

And, of course, you are hurting too, so here's some

Presumably from the friends' point of view, this occasion was just meeting for a meal/drink/chat and not any thing very special. Therefore, changing the plan would not be seen as particularly serious. They are young and didn't try to put themselves in your daughter's shoes – and, indeed, how could they? One has no children so no concept of how a mother feels, let alone a bereaved mother; the other's child is safe and well. Immature perhaps, but not deliberately cruel, I would suggest.

Anne09 so sorry that you and our family have suffered such a sad loss. and that the anniversary of your grandsons death
My DD2 has two children and when she and her pals go out they do not stay late because the kids are up early. So maybe your DDs pal with a child is the same. I do think what absent says could be true..that the friends are just a bit thoughtless rather than being deliberately unkind.

Did your DD specifically say she would like a late night out? Maybe her friends are aware of the closeness to the anniversary of your grandson's death and that your DD now has a 3 month old baby so they thought she would not want to be out on the razz too late.
Whatever the reasons behind the earlier night than your DD had in mind the three friends need to work on communicating more effectively to avoid upsetting each other any more.