So upset

Oops!

got it!

I think you need to use square brackets mrs mopp

Why didn't the flowers thing work????
Well the thought was there ..

Jammie, any chance of an update on here? You had a lot of excellent advice on here from your GN friends, do please let us know what the situation is now. We are all on your side, and hope you are in a better place than when you originally posted.
Thinking of you.... (flowers)

Hi Petallus, I saved the website on my bookmarks toolbar (Firefox) Once you have chosen a "lock password" you can save it so you just choose "lock entry" using the "password on file". Penzu is free but the free version isn't available as an app yet - for ipad, etc. so you need to be using a proper computer unless you want to pay. I think you need to play around with it to get the hang of it. You can put photos in, share entries by email, etc. I find it quite useful for any sort of written document.

I couldn't entirely work out how to do Penzu. Is it best to open an online link? Also I locked it and then the lock disappeared on next opening. Do you have to relock each time.

Well, it was the middle of the night and my brain might not have been quite up to speed. Shall try again but any advice welcome.

My old method was to scribble everything down in Pitman's shorthand which nobody else could read.

I hope it helps. At least you can put your worries in a box and get them out of your head. I also use my online diary for holiday journals and nice things too. I just keep that one locked up.

Here I am at gone 3 30 in the morning about to write in my newly opened Penzu diary!

What a great idea rockgran, I often have Toxic Thoughts that keep me awake at night, a hard lump in my tummy and feelings of dread. It is usually to do with worries (often unfounded) regarding one or two of my children. Will look up Penzu.Thank you xx

You have my sympathy. When I have a problem rolling about in my head (caused by the kids of course) I write it down in my Toxic Thoughts diary. It is an online private diary called Penzu. When the problem has eased (as they do eventually) I delete it. However, at 3 am when I can't sleep it is a great release.

I wonder if JammieB was in a bad place prior to the accusation and falling out. There is something about one of the posts in this thread that suggest to me perhaps things weren't going well emotionally anyway and her reaction to the accusation and dinner has been compounded by it.

I think this dinner was to have taken place on Sunday and I hope you are going to bring us up to date on what's been happening. In fact, I do hope that for the sake of your relationship with your GC, you managed to overcome your repugnance to your SiL who is, after all, their father.

I know you feel you really can't go but could you not say you are not feeling great today but don't want to miss the visit, would it be ok if you only came for tea?

Always grab an olive branch with both hands and do the best you can with it. Only good can come of it and only negativity can come from not taking advantage. Wars of any kind, however big or small, solve nothing, but the talking at the end paves the way for better times.

Reading these posts again I realised that the dinner may have actually been and gone by now. In that case I so hope you did go, and that it went well. If it didn't go well or you felt uncomfortable, I hope you were able to rise above that and just enjoy being with your daughter and grandchildren. I still think that whatever may have happened it was the right thing to go and that a refusal/excuse would be very likely to make more problems in the future. But hopefully you did and the first move is now passed.

Please come back and tell us how it went.

I do think it would be important to go. If SiL is still a bit touchy he will see your 'migraine' for what it is and would do even if it was genuine!
Least said, soonest mended and in my opinion a quick resolution is better than a protracted one in family matters! Good luck with your decisions!

Personally I only lurk on Facebook as my late brothers children post and as they can't be bothered to communicate with me it's the only way I can see they are safe and well but apart from that I think it can be a destructive place.

Surely this is an olive branch and perhaps being in the wrong they feel more secure on their home ground. MyDH is a great one for making excuses not to visit DDs and their husbands and the less one sees of them the thinner the ties get. Accept every invitation and take a couple of pain Killers before you go(as a placebo) making a headache before you set out as an excuse not to have a drink in case you say what you think. Don't become the MIL from hell. You are the grown up. They are still in the playground and simply by going you will have the higher moral ground if it makes you feel better.

juneh I have read what you said and totally agree with your views on the situation JammieB finds herself in. As a senior member of the family it is up to you to be the bigger person and put your feelings on the back burner, you may not get a second chance to rectify the situation.

Jammie If you really cannot see them that soon, could you fix a date yourself a couple of weeks away and work toward getting yourself stronger by then? Phone and say that you are so sorry but you have found a previous appointment on the day they have suggested, but invite them to yours on a day of your choosing. On your own ground you will be able to do it.

JammieB you know you did nothing wrong so why not go to dinner with your head held high? If you choose not to go you will have another week or more to dwell on the situation, would it not be better to get this first visit over with?

Have you really lost a lot of weight in only a month? Maybe you should see the doctor about that. He might be able to help you over this stressful patch too.

I recently went to visit my daughter and husband after a year of arguments and upsets between my husband and them with me and the grandchildren in the middle. I have realised that nothing matters except my grandchildren and them having a safe and secure family around them. After months of problems about my husband saying he will not stay with my daughter and so on and so forth I eventually decided that what he thought or what they thought had nothing to do with my grandchildren and so I took off to stay with them for a week leaving hubby at home.
So what I am trying to say to you JammieB make yourself get over the feeling of not wanting to go to the dinner your daughter has asked you to, put your resentment, fear and anger to one side.
It will be a big mistake to turn away from an olive branch. Daughter's and son's will always take their partners side and you will lose in the end.
I have been pushed to chose who I love most between my husband (who is not my daughter's dad) and my grandchildren and although I did not want to in the end I chose them above all the grownups because that is the right thing to do. Forget what your SIL has done or said, forget everything apart from seeing your grandchildren.
Do not allow your daughter to be estranged from you by the SIL you are the one who has to make this work, no one else can do it for you.
In truth it doesn't matter what they accuse you of you know that you are right and that is all that matters. I hope I have not said to much.

Have you really lost a lot of weight in only a month? Maybe you should see the doctor about that.

Could your daughter and the children come to see you at your house? Do you usually only see them at their house?