First-time grandma, desperate to see granddaughter:'(

Some times think there is a place for proper handwritten letters. My elder daughter and I had a bit of a hiccup in our relationship. She too held me at arms length for a while. I sent the usual open ended texts....'Hope all is ok?' or similar and got little in reply apart from the odd confirmation that she was alive and well. So I put how I felt into a letter. I was careful just to say how I felt without any mention of her behaviour or any great dredging up of what had happened and what could not be changed. I just let her know I loved her, was feeling very sad at loosing the closeness we had had and that when she was ready I would be there without any recriminations.
There was no great dramatic reconciliation, she did not suddenly fly over to see us but there was a gentle thawing and she slowly started to see how I had felt and how much I was hurting. Basically life had got too complicated for her and she could only deal with a certain amount at a time. By shutting me out she could focus on what was really troubling her.
If a full on letter seems to dramatic, perhaps a carefully chosen card with a simple loving message in it might open the lines of communication.
I have had to learn that once our children grow up they want to make their own choices even if they make mistakes and the last thing they want is to have those conversations with us about what should have been done.
Just take your time, let her contact you on her terms and I am sure she will let you take up the reigns of being a Grandma. Good luck.

Wise words gracesmum

for you wisehedgecrone, a difficult time for all of you.

First of all congratulations on being a granny and then a big {{hug}} as I think you will find many on here who share feelings similar to yours for whtever reason. My intitial reaction is that she may still be trying to show that she is "grown up" and independent and while she is is not deliberately pushing you away, it must seem like that. You are NOT clingy or needy but the more she retreats, the more you are trying to get closer. Does she know how proud of her you are (silly question) proud of her achievements and independence? I'd be tempted to put it in a letter also saying that you would not dream of invading her space, but are looking forward to being a loving granny and how you will always be there in whatever capacity. We will all sympathise with what may be her feeling of not wanting to show the slightest inadequacy especially to our mum! Finally, what is your relationship with SIL? You might be able to give him a hint? Tread softly, her own hormones will still be all over the place, but I do hope for all your sakes that this will pass and very soon.