GC sleepovers at friends houses..

You made the right choice

I'm glad you got it sorted out.

ok found the person who was collecting the child from school... and politely said..that I'm sorry but GS will not be coming on Friday to the sleepover....she said oh ok (not sure who it was that was collecting the lad..she looked about 14, but obviously knew about it, then GS started "but I want to go its xs party" I said have you got an invite..he says no! I said is anyone else going? he says...yes ? is going.. anyway we are not letting him go end of..as we are not happy with the correspondence.

No way Jose.
Reminds me slightly of the time my niece had invited a bunch of friends from school to her birthday. She was about 6 or 7.
My sister asked her to get their phone numbers so she could speak to parents before hand. A presented her with a list of phone numbers. No names. Just phone numbers.
Cue a sequence of conversations that were a little tricky to get started.

My little five year old grandsons are forever dashing out of school claiming that Joe, Luke or Freddie has asked them for a sleepover, or will be coming for tea, taking them swimming, knocking on their door to play at 7pm!!!...and on it goes. All cooked up between themselves in the playground, and announced to each parent as though the other party has agreed it.

My daughter always responds 'when we get home, I'll check my diary and if there's a schoolday when I'm going to be able to offer, Joe Luke or Freddie can be invited for tea.' It gets forgotten till the next time, and in practice it's about once a month that either a child joins them for tea, or they are allowed to go to their house - all parents that daughter knows already. They don't do sleepovers - only with grandparents!

I go with Vampirequeen on this. Are you sure this isn't just something the boys have hatched up between themselves? It sounds quite likely they would do this.

Are you sure the other child's parents actually know about the sleepover? Is there a chance the children have arranged this between themselves assuming the grown ups will agree?

no gorki that's one of the things he hasn't , he has been to many birthday parties and in fact has a choice of 2 next weekend, but not been to one with this certain friend, although he does play with him in the playground odd times, but when I come to think, I never see who drops him off..he just appears, but at GS school we are supposed to stay with the children until 9-00 and they have all gone into the building. ok lets see!

I would say a definate no and suggest the child is invited to share a meal with your family , seven is very small

Yes, on second thoughts you're right Jane. I suppose I was thinking of my GC's lovely little school where everyone knows everyone else - of course a daytime meet-up would be best, perhaps after school one day.

Agreed ! Has he never been to this child's birthday party? That would seem to be the first step.

hmm,,will try and find out tonight (although GS will not be going either way)! yes they do tend to "arrange" these things..but the child has told GS that "my mum said so n so n so n so" and is quite adamant that is whats happening. GS has had 2 friends sleepover but they only live 2 doors away and we know the family well.

But a sleepover, Ana? 7 is quite little to be away from home with complete strangers IMHO.
If the hand of frienship has to be extended, surely playing at respective houses during waking hours would be a better first step.

Couldn't you find out at the school gates whose parent/guardian the other child belongs to? Perhaps they are thinking the same thing about your GC's parents.

The trouble is, children arrange these things between themselves and obviously don't give a thought to the practicalities. It seems sad to have to say no without making some effort to contact the other party/ies.

Quite agree Bikergran
I think you have to accept that as children get into their teens you perhaps aren't going to be able to vet their friends quite as much as you might like to, but the only people 7 year-olds should be going to sleepovers with should be those who are already well-known to the family.
I would simply say 'you can't go, we don't know them' and take the position that no further explanation is necessary!