Gransnet forums


New granddaughter

(22 Posts)
celebgran Sun 22-Sep-13 20:27:15

Oh how happy we should be. But sadly may never see our new baby's granddaughter.

My brave husband braved it and went to see our estranged daughter and she asked him in gave him hug even but her husband behaved appallingly like 3 years ago threatened police my oh was not welcome I. His house etc this time my oh did say that's strange I was when paid half the deposit! He also challenged his behaviour as alleged loving our daughter but preventing her talking to him when she asked to.
She also asked him to let my husband see children a resound no.

Not sure where we go from here.

NfkDumpling Sun 22-Sep-13 20:41:44

Oh dear, Celebgran that is so awful. So very awful flowers

Marelli Sun 22-Sep-13 20:46:11

Your daughter seems to want to have her family back though, doesn't she, celebgran? Maybe sooner or later this will come about. I hope it's very soon. flowers

LizG Sun 22-Sep-13 21:20:04

Oh Celebgran what a tough time you are having right now, my heart bleeds for you and I am so very sorry. I hope your daughter soon sees through this control freak and insists that she sees you flowers

Gorki Sun 22-Sep-13 21:20:57

Congratulations on your new granddaughter flowers.I do hope you get to see her sometime soon.

hummingbird Sun 22-Sep-13 21:34:04

Celebgran my heart goes out to you! Stay strong flowers

Mishap Sun 22-Sep-13 21:36:07

I do hope there is some way of resolving this. It must be so hard for you.

JessM Sun 22-Sep-13 21:47:54

Oh that is so sad. Does sound like this is at least in part a SIL problem - sounds very controlling.

Agus Sun 22-Sep-13 22:02:43

The fact your DD gave her Dad a hug is a positive step I think.

Re your SIL. He does sound very controlling.

It's so sad reading what is happening to you celebgran and I hope a resolution can be found in the near future and you are reunited with your DD and DGC

nightowl Sun 22-Sep-13 22:08:57

It's not only very very sad, it's very worrying. It is typical of abusers to separate their partners from family and friends in this way. Do you think your daughter wants to be with this man celebgran? Do you think she would be brave and strong enough to leave if she wanted to? I dont wish to alarm you but it may be worth you contacting the Women's Aid helpline for some independent advice and suggestions about how you might be able to help your daughter.

Faye Mon 23-Sep-13 02:20:17

It is worrying and I suspect it is the case with half the stories of separated grandparents and their adult children on this forum. Good advice from nightowl.

NfkDumpling Mon 23-Sep-13 06:38:37


kittylester Mon 23-Sep-13 10:23:48

Ditto from me too celeb. try to make sure your daughter knows that you are there for her but don't push. It sounds as though there is a bumpy road ahead but it will work out over time. Do take nightowl's advice about Women's Aid. (((hugs))) flowers

gracesmum Mon 23-Sep-13 10:45:14

I agree with all the above. It doesn't lessen the heartbreak for you, but if your daughter is coming round that is a start. Surely he is not always there? Can you/DH talk to her alone? I wouldn't want to risk provoking an aggressive response from the SIL, but as the others have said she may need your support and help if things don't change. Nightowl's advice seems excellent.

annodomini Mon 23-Sep-13 11:15:09

I'd endorse that advice, celeb Women's Aid is not only about physical abuse but also psychological abuse which is quite certainly happening in this heartbreaking case.

celebgran Fri 27-Sep-13 15:21:32

I feel so very low seems be delayed reaction I fall asleep exhausted then wake after about 2 hours with it all buzzing in my head. Horrid horrid feeling like this but it will pass I hope.

Had friends round last night lovely couple enjoyed but was tearful during day so worried but I coped without making fool of myself,

Going out hear band with our other good friends tonight.

Oh work Tom reckon cue few more tears maybe will help heal me.

sussexpoet Fri 27-Sep-13 15:48:09

|Celebgran, It sounds to me as if your daughter is in an abusive relationship. The first sign is often pushing away family and friends, so the victim of abuse feels isolated and unwanted by others. To contact Women's Aid sounds like good advice. And no, you are not being in the least unreasonable. There was a period in my own life when I would have welcomed such so-called interference from parents, anybody! My best wishes to you both.

NfkDumpling Fri 27-Sep-13 17:35:52

Maybe a trip to the doctor for you? It sounds as if you may need a little help to help you cope. flowers

Otw10413 Sat 28-Sep-13 19:43:09

Dear Celebgran ,
You're strong , you must be to have withstood the constant pain that you have with grace . You have some real signs to hang your hopes on but , in the meanwhile you have to separate your own needs from your daughter's in order to survive; and be strong for her . That's the only thing any of us can do , so that if they need us , we can be there for them without making them feel as though our own lives stopped to wait for them , that would be too much guilt to handle . My heart goes out to you . flowers

celebgran Sun 29-Sep-13 20:38:53

Thanks otw hanging on to my sanity just! stupid fool keep re reading painful stuff like the last letter she wrote cutting us out and it is all criticism of me.
Really pulled me down yesterday but hey ho I will survive I hope!

Had all clear from all tests and unless I become clinically depressed not sure doctor can helpi. Have got some herbal quiet life and oh got me some similar for sleeping so try hang o. Til I cal. Down from it all,

So very very hard when I would give then world to go and see the little ones.

glassortwo Mon 30-Sep-13 09:52:25

celeb I am so sorry. flowers I am behind with what's happening with not getting onto GN.

celebgran Mon 30-Sep-13 20:21:13

good hear from you glassor how are things with you?

We have decided today my oh and me to step back after 5 years of trying and not even sending stuff this xmas as it is such ongoing pain

I will feel little sad at not sending my beloved first grand daughter pressies but doubt she ever knows they from us.

the bit that really hurt me and made me cry again today was my daughter saying to her Dad no you cant have photos as that may build your hopes up!! So cruel of her.