Embracing Old Age

Russian baboushska is there grandmotherhttp://symmed.ru/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/E%60motsii-partnyora.jpg

I am 62 and recently spent some time with lots of people my age who were much slimmer than me (I am a size 12-14 so not exactly huge) and they were so much more lined and wrinkly than me. So, advice - don't try to lose too much weight, a little chub around the middle is more than compensated by a nice fuller face. Keep you hair cut well, dress smartly and buy the right size! Why do so many people - especially TV weather girls, it seems, wear dresses a size too small? Clingy is NOT flattering however slim you are.

Of course I know I am lucky not to be living the dreadful lives that so many people (especially women) have to live, but it gives me no pleasure to think of them and does not make me any less sad about my own loss. I simply do what I can by making donations to certain charities and signing petitions whenever they seem applicable.

When I see how some people, especially the very old and parents with young children, are having to live their lives, in war zones, in famines, etc it makes me count myself lucky not to be in that position.

Petallus - I am sure we both feel great sympathy for people with any kind of problem and we simply react differently to knowing about them. Thinking of abuses of women and children, for example, makes me incredibly angry and sad and no doubt you feel the same.

I was not suggesting you were stupid in any way Greatnan. I was making a general point, that the misfortune of others makes some other people count their blessings. This does not include everyone and obviously not you.

I'm afraid it does me though. The other night lying awake feeling desperate about some family problems we are having at the moment, I thought of all the the difficulties other people in my road had had to deal with with over the years and now with their children and felt comforted.

I have never been stupid enough to think that everybody else was basking in wonderful relationships. I am well aware that almost everybody has some area of their life which is not ideal, but dwelling on the woes of others does not make me feel good - unless I am able to help them in some way.

That was an interesting question you asked at the end of your post Greatnan. Why should it indeed?

And yet somehow I think it does often help to know others are also having to cope with family difficulties. Better than being the only one and everybody else basking in wonderful, trouble-free relationships.

It's human nature and why, for instance, Christmas round robins are notorious for depressing the rest of us and why we have the word schaedenfreud (spelt incorrectly I am sure but can't be bothered to look it up)

I know that the huge majority of women in the world are worse off than I am and I deeply sympathetic towards them. However, knowing that only makes me sad and does not restore my daughter to mental and physical health. Why should the knowledge of others' misery make me feel better?

It does help me to remember that there are others far worse off than I am.

I'm certainly glad that I've reached my 60's without having the pressure the young now have of never looking older [although I did have eating issues due to the Twiggy era of having to be stick thin]. And I would have probably been tempted to have implants, being very flat chested [something I'm grateful for now!].

Sometimes I hate getting older and other times I appreciate it.
Some days I feel rally old and then other days I feel surprisingly young!

I certainly do not feel like I look like the woman who stares back at me in the mirror!

One thing that gets on my nerves are those ads for face creams for wrinkles and sagginess,.. and the model; they use is about 30 years old!!
They do not often use an older woman for these adds!!
Same as that documentary about testing face creams and treatments - they sent Louise Rednapp and another presenter who I can't remember the name of,.. but who is in her 30s to test out some procedures!
They did not need them!! so how could we tell they would do us any good in our 60s or 70s!
Rant over! ;)

greatnan,

I have never found that being told that there are others worse off than I am makes me feel any better!

Glad to hear it gracesmum, we all have down days, so we have to make the most of the up days!

Thank you, I feel very humbled by the fact that so many of you are coping brilliantly with much bigger problems and let's face it, as they say, worse things happen at sea! But it can be something relatively trivial which sets things off and I think what I was feeling was that unlike earlier in my life when everything could improve in the future, the only way I was seeing was down! I do feel better (thanks to a visit to the hairdresser and an enjoyable morning at my Art History class where there are such lovely people I really look forward to Tuesdays) Nothing else has changed, but just the way I am now able to look at life and reading all your replies I do feel strengthened, supported and sympathised with. A bit of a laugh makes such a difference! Thank you Gransnet! all round I think.

Yes well said Kittylester. We do all have crosses to bear some of which may seem insignificant to others. But if they make us feel bad, then they become hard to deal with.

I am a breast cancer survivor. It was unpleasant at the time of treatment but now I feel so grateful to be alive! However, I kept being told how much worse it could have been, how I had got off lightly compared to others which made me feel guilty for feeling a bit down now and then. I would have appreciated being allowed to talk about how I felt sometimes.

Hope you are feeling a bit better now Gracesmum.

The crazy thing is that models, singers and actresses wear wigs and hairpieces all the time and it's of no concern..I mean no one goes 'oh look, Kate Moss has got waist length hair on the catwalk today but [titter titter] it's a wig'. I don't even bother with the hairdresser these days as my hair breaks off before it can grow. still, it's the hat wearing season soon so I'll be ok .

gosh you are all a great help. thank you sel. thank you greatnan for saying i am brave. i think my family would beg to differ. i will think of myself as brave from now on .. i usually feel rather pathetic !

KatyK I don't think there is an official scale of distress; your hair loss must have been utterly devastating. How great that you found a solution; I love your comment that you now have the hair you've always wanted. When you read all the comments about the Duchess of Cambridge's hair, you realise how important it is to a woman. I have a problem though with people being given credit for their hair, surely it's down to genes and a good hairdresser.

Tegan I've had a similar experience but how on earth can we know? I guess that's this thread, I read the OP which was light and perfectly natural and it caught bags on a bad day.

Well done, KatyK - you have dealt with what would be a nightmare for most women very bravely.

Lots of unhappiness on this thread and, by our age, most of us have our crosses to bear - whether it is ill health, loss of loved ones etc. However upbeat we are most of the time, either naturally or with a huge effort, every now and again the blues strike. Often it is the tiny things that are the final straw - such as having a bad hair day or seeing that strange woman who looks like your mother advancing towards you in a shop window.

I hope those of you who are feeling down at the moment feel better soon, because those of us who are up at the moment will probably need you before too long.

Lona. Thank you. Yes I always said I would be devastated if it happened to me. It did and I was. If I had a worst enemy I wouldn't wish it on them. Rant REALLY over now !

KatyK So glad you got it sorted so well, I would be devastated too if it happened to me.

Thank you Greatnan. Yes my self esteem (not high anyway) plummeted at the time). I have found a solution which is a hair system which is permanently fixed. It is quite wonderful really, although a bit expensive. They say every cloud has a silver lining. I think it's taken years off me and I have had ladies in shops asking me where I get my hair done as it looks lovely. It's real hair and you can have any style/colour you like. You wash it the same way as your own hair, just pop your head in the sink/shower and shampoo, it is well fixed and wouldn't come off in gale force winds! You can curl it, use straighteners, tongs etc. I have met some lovely people at the salon where I go so there is an upside to this. Obviously I wish it had never happened but I now have better hair than I have ever had in my life, the hair I've always wanted in fact.