Embracing Old Age

I have a lovely kind hairdresser who goes to help people choose the right wig when they have chemo. He then restyles it to suit the patient. Why not talk to a hairdresser? But not the one you went to before.

KatyK - I don't think it is trivial at all. I believe that for most women their self-esteem is bound up with their hair - we all know that if you are having a 'bad hair' day it doesn't make any difference how nicely you put on your make-up. When my daughter was very ill after her botched operation her hair came out in handfuls and we did a lot of research about wigs and hair pieces. Some were very natural-looking and she would have been happy to wear them. Fortunately, her hair came back, but never as thick as it was before. I hope you find a solution that can help to restore your self confidence.

Tegan. Your words are very true. My mum lost her hair too. To be honest I never gave it a thought and (shamefully) I was ashamed to be seen out with her as she looked so old - although she wasn't. She died at 58 so wasn't old at all. It's only now I can appreciate how awful it was for her. I can never explain what my hair loss did to me. Please don't think I am not grateful that I'm not ill, because I am. The hair loss is not the first horrible thing that has happened to me. I was badly neglected as a child and lost a lot of my teeth. The hair loss was the final straw. I have lost parents, in-laws. a brother, and a very young nephew so I can see how trivial hair loss might appear after all this, and of course it is. I suppose none of us can truly know what something is like unless we experience it ourselves.

I look like my buspass photo now, Stansgran.
It was taken by the woman I had been arguing with for over half an hour. She was determined not to give my husband a disabled pass because he did not have a pink card that we did not know he needed, despite having been to the office three times before with different bits of paper.
She then said, "You do realise he will not be able to use a disabled pass on his own?" He'd had one for five years from a different authority and never been able to go out on his own. I felt like asking her if she was paying for it personally.
I was still snarling when she took the photo for my pass which I have to use now Ken has died. No bus driver has ever dared comment on it!
After I came out of hospital in April, having had an aortic dissection, my son decided that we ought to go to Stanhope and walk on the moors.
At one time he was getting worried that I was not going to make it, and I was worried that I would need to have a helicopter rather than an ambulance to get me out of there. We made it, though, with my son holding me by the arm and grandson pushing me up some hills.

We've been entertaining visitors from Oz and although we have 10 years more on the clock my DH has managed brilliantly ,walking along Hadrian's wall, round the ramparts at Alnwick or the moors at Stanhope but it certainly brought it home how much I've deteriorated. I have a lovely life but I didn't realise how my horizons had shrunk in the last five years and I certainly don't want to see a photo of me ever again. I'm really not vain but I looked like my passport photos.

Exactly, Tegan. Well said.

KatyK; Hair loss for a woman is mentally debilitating. We used to laugh at my mum when she cried because her hair was very thin [it runs in the family] but I have my come upance now because it's now happening to me, and it does make me miserable because I feel less confident [and I've never been very confident anyway]. But everything is relative, isn't it? I went to the hairdressers years ago and she said 'how are you?'. I replied that I was really unhappy because my dog had just died. Her reply was very much a 'get on with it; my mum has just died' which put me in my place. But, what I wanted to say was 'I've lost my mum and I've lost my dad so I know what it's like but, at this moment in time I'm hurting like hell. We all know that, whatever is happening to us in life, someone somewhere is suffering far more, but it doesn't mean that we can't ask for some sort of sympathy/empathy from our fellow beings [can it?].

Gracesmum - I have bouts of feeling sorry for myself but like you I have great empathy for others who are suffering (most of them in far worse ways than me). Sometimes you just have to voice how you feel.

Yes gracesmum. You do have a lot to bear. Life can be very unfair.

Bags and I have got a special relationship.

Tony Blair and George Bush did n' t come anywhere near it.

Gracesmum -it is even harder to see your child suffering than to bear pain yourself, isn't it?

That's an awful lot of crosses to bear gracesmum - I would never have guessed from your typically empathetic and humorous posts. to all who have more than their fair share of burdens.

So well put and sympathy to all of you who are suffering physical and emotional pain.

I'm sorry you and others suffer from chronic pain, Bags and while my thread was meant to appear light hearted, it was also a genuine reflection on how debilitating I personally find pain (chronic back pain since my mid 30's) only now it has been joind by all the other bits - the hip and knees coming out in sympathy. I was also genuinely "down" having heard of one too many friends who have died or lost partners - so in fact a genuine "cri di coeur" all the more so becasue of DH's acute health problems - yes, terminal but so is life. However sometimes I feel the need to share my despair at seeing the horizons of a man of 65 shrink to those of many an 85 year-old. It never makes me feel any better when I cannot cope because of weakness and pain with my wrists and hands, to know that my 31 year old DD has crippling psoriatic arthritis and suffers appalling pain while holding down a demanding job and travelling the world but is one of the most cheerful girls you could meet. So was I feeling sorry for myself? Yes. Does it it mean I can't feel for others? No.

Bags - chronic pain over such a long time, is a pain isn't it. It may be that my memory isn't what it was (well, it isn't frankly) but I don't recollect seeing you publicise the pain you live with.
I enjoy gransnet discussions, but I do dislike the sniping and unpleasant personal digs that take place. Like others have said, I'm sure we all have difficult stuff we're dealing with, that we don't post about in order to avoid being criticised at some random point in the future. ( this thread/Bags and GN at 01.10.13 - 12.57.)

Well I don't think you can win really. I am 64, probably half a stone overweight so not too bad. I eat reasonably healthily, have always looked after my skin so few wrinkles. I don't get any aches and pains whatsoever, haven't had a cold or so much as a headache for many many years. People who haven't known me for too long say 'well it's OK for you then, you are well and look well'. However what they don't know is that abut 5 years ago all my hair fell out. No reason could be found for this but it became apparent that it was not going to grow back despite trying everything under the sun. My (female) doctor's parting shot was 'get a wig'. There is no help for female hair loss out there. I had to sort myself out with a hair replacement system that is expensive but I had stopped going out because I felt so awful. I admire those ladies who can say 'well this is me take me as I am' I'm not one of them. I felt horrendous. I may be going slightly off the point here but I think most of us have to put up with something at this stage of our lives. I am fortunate not to be in any kind of pain, but the psychological effect has been pretty bad for me and has affected my whole family. Rant over..............

Bags - chronic pain over such a long time, is a pain isn't it. It may be that my memory isn't what it was (well, it isn't frankly) but I don't recollect seeing you publicise it. I enjoy gransnet discussions, but I do dislike the sniping and unpleasant personal digs that take place. Like others have said, I'm sure we all have difficult stuff we're dealing with, that we don't post about in order to avoid being criticised like Bags has in this thread. And like GN describes at 01.10.13 - 12.57.

Judthepud I like your post!

What's to snipe about? Chronic pain at any age is hard to deal with. Be nice!

I have had a great summer even got used the the sun Had Oliver and Eve 6 and 7 through the holidays paddled in sea and streams football and now bck spasms have attacked me and have not been out Other parts are falling to bits but managed a longer walk and little walk with Penny on lead and not so fuddled sio really know how you all feel I have a fucshia top on to day and really cheery as my wardrobe is so l hope you will be feeling more cheerful I am sending you lfowers and cake put cannot do the pictures

Who told you about the friendly if erratic relationship - JO or Bags or did you just make it up to have a go at me?

Takes one to know one bluebell. You certainly don't hesitate to dish out nasty and sarcastic remarks to certain members, and at least j08 has a friendly , if erratic, relationship with bags.

I posted at length about my problems with one of my daughters, when I first joined GN. I don't mention them much any more, precisely so my posts won't attract comments of the 'well aired' variety. I received enormous sympathy and support from almost everybody who commented, although one person did use my revelations against me.
In fact, my main reason for revealing my deep sorrow was because I thought I would sound smug, with my good health and wonderful location.
I suppose most of us have something in our lives which is not ideal, but, like Bags and all other members with medical or family/financial problems, we just get on with it as best we can.

The OP was g'mum having a good old moan, with which I, for one, can fully empathise. So why has this all descended on Bags who, after all, was only pointing out that aches and pains are far from being peculiar to old age? Thanks, Bags. I will try to remember to be grateful for the fitness I enjoyed well into my 60s.

Bye Bye Gaga!!But clearly JO shares my dictionary when it comes to the meaning of contrition . And JO, I wouldn't have had a field day if you'd said sorry - the fact that you made that comment says much more about you than it does about me

Come on girls. Let's support each other rather than snipe! If people are having a bad day it can help to have a bit of a gripe. Sometimes just saying 'I feel bad' helps so much. We all have days when things get on top of us no matter how positive we usually are. I don't like getting older and slower either. But I would hate to have had to put up with chronic pain for many years like Bags knowing it will never go away. I'm not a brave person and do love a good moan from time to time. Poor DH!

for you all