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to be irritated about nagging

(18 Posts)
Penstemmon Thu 17-Oct-13 10:15:59

We are off to a wedding tomorrow..surprised but very pleased to be is my husband's great niece.

My DDs and families were not invited which no-one was worried about as the girls really do not know each other and weddings are expensive and lists have to be limited.

However sometime after our invite the DDs and partners were invited to the evening do. Girls surprised to get invite but neither could go.. babysitting (as I am at wedding!) trickier and also one SiL away working. Both thanked but declined and went onto wedding gift list and sent a pressie.

Brides granny (my SiL) emailed me yesterday saying that her DGD has emailed my DDs to say they can take the children but they still are not going!
I sent the girls their aunts email to see if they now wanted to go . DDs said that they had already had email form bride telling them this and had replied and said no sorry (kids 16mths to 8 yrs) as would be too late for kids. They are all early sleepers to be fair. Also it is a Friday night so they cannot even nap during the day...not that they would!

I am a bit irritated with my SiL for nagging about this.. my DDs have replied, made their excuses, bought a pressie.. I and they should not be feeling bad about them not going!!

My DD1 invited her aunt to her wedding (& her 2 uncles) none of them came!

Mishap Thu 17-Oct-13 10:23:44

Maybe it is not nagging, but just a desire to try and make it easy for them to come should they wish. Don't feel bad! Enjoy the happy occasion.

j08 Thu 17-Oct-13 10:28:22

What Mishap said.

Skylark Thu 17-Oct-13 10:31:17

Agree! Put it from you, and have a lovely time. Take lots of piccies so that you can show your DDs. x

gracesmum Thu 17-Oct-13 10:45:18

Agree with mishap but also slightly cynically perhaps some people have dropped out and now there is " spare capacity" ! Don't give it another thought or let it spoil your enjoyment!

whenim64 Thu 17-Oct-13 10:51:48

Sounds like they're being thoughtful and want to include them all. My brother's (then) fiancée didn't invite many of our side of the family to their wedding last year, but then family circumstances threw us all together and she got to know them all so much more just a couple of weeks before the wedding. She said afterwards that, if they were to plan the wedding again, she would have invited so many more relatives, but no-one took offence.

Perhaps now they know they've made very effort to include your family they'll let it rest?

thatbags Thu 17-Oct-13 11:40:43

I think I would just shrug and move on, pen. Fixed charm time if it is broached by your Sis-in-law again: "Such a shame, but it really wasn't possible for them."

Good luck.

moomin Thu 17-Oct-13 11:50:29

Sounds as though she was trying to help by drawing your attention to it, but maybe she's feeling offended they aren't taking up the offer of baby-sitting? You know the personalities involved pen so have a better idea if this is the case or not. I would be inclined to let it lie and go with bags recommendation

wisewoman Thu 17-Oct-13 11:53:34

I think your DDs are very wise. Evening wedding parties are not the best place for small children, especially those who have a fixed bed time. Keeping them up late is not a treat for them - or their parents! As Bags said, just smile and say firmly that they can't make it. Have a lovely day.

Iam64 Thu 17-Oct-13 13:08:17

Wedding arrangements are delicate aren't they. I preferred it when there was a wedding, some food and a get together that didn't go on to an evening do. But - that's the way of things currently, and the expense often means that a much smaller number of family and friends are invited to the day do, with many others invited to the evening do. It sounds as though they're trying to be as inclusive as possible, rather than nagging. Enjoy the day and don't worry about it. Your daughters sound very wise, evening does are not the best place for little ones, their parents can't relax and enjoy the evening.

Penstemmon Thu 17-Oct-13 17:33:28

It was kind of them to include DDs but they had to decline & explained why twice!

I am sure we will have a lovely time and it is the bride's and groom's day .. I would not say or do anything at all that would spoil it. I am looking forward to the event! I quite like a chance to dress up!

I just felt irritated that my SiL went on about it ..I suspect the bride is not worried or upset at all! It is very possible she does not know her grandma has emailed about it!

Iam I agree re kids at evening events if they are not used to being up later. I wish we were more continental in that respect as we could all siesta and then party 'til the small hours!

annodomini Thu 17-Oct-13 17:52:07

At my niece's wedding, my grandchildren were up late and enjoyed themselves thoroughly, the youngest, at 7 months, was bopping in his buggy in time to the music. However, older GS, then 5, can sleep anywhere and when his dad put some chairs together, he just stretched out and went to sleep.

Iam64 Thu 17-Oct-13 18:15:46

That's great anno. My children were sometimes kept up late for special events, and always loved it, and caught up on sleep somehow. On foreign holidays, they always stayed up late, as we'd go out to eat together. I can't imagine leaving them behind. Those long hot evenings are good for sitting around, the children playing on the pavements next to you. Lovely days. But, I do think it's up to individual families to decide what's right for them

dustyangel Thu 17-Oct-13 18:26:45

When we first went on holiday to Portugal with DD1 and GCs, my daughter managed to brainwash her two that ALL Portuguese children had a sleep after lunch when it was hot. That way we could all go out in the evening. She managed to get away with it (by permitting reading)until they were about 13 grin

Deedaa Thu 17-Oct-13 22:29:50

We had the opposite problem with our wedding. One of my husband's cousins had 3 particularly unpleasant children, so to be tactful we decided there would be no children at all. That way she wouldn't feel singled out. Come the day - up she turns with her 3 little monsters, saying " I know you said no children, but I knew you wouldn't mind mine" !!!

Penstemmon Sun 20-Oct-13 20:16:04

We had a lovely day and the happy couple certainly looked as though they enjoyed their special day. bride was beautiful and the groom proud and both 'lurved up'! As they should be! There were loads of babies and toddlers at the wedding (groom is Italian) but it was noisy during the ceremony.

I agree on a holiday kids up later is a different thing altogether, especially on the continent when it is hot during the day..they all have a siesta! But Friday night after a busy week at school, almost the end of the first half term.. that's more like a movie night with popcorn and a duvet on the sofa! If they had been there for the whole day they would have managed a later night but I reckon the three youngest would have fallen asleep during the car journey to the venue!
My SiL was not impressed with the wedding service..being a Friday there was no church choir so they had got a gospel group who were great but who sang less traditional songs that my SiL thought unsuitable! She complained about her sons vulgar shoes (patent and pointy!) though she happily lit up a fag whilst we were all waiting (with champagne & canapes) for photos to be done! And the weather was fine!

maxgran Mon 21-Oct-13 15:05:09

Some people don't like to take No as an answer.
I hate it when people want explanations as to why you cannot go to an event - especially when you have already given a reason - or they get offended if you turn down an invite!

I was invited to a family BBQ by my exes sister & her husband - I didn't want to go so I said 'Thank you but I did not want to go'.
I was then asked why and was a bit cheesed off at being interrogated!

I don't think 'not wanting to go' is good enough for some people - You have to WANT to but have a valid reason for not being able to!

If I invite someone to something and they don't want to come - thats fine!

Iam64 Tue 22-Oct-13 07:32:58

Penstemmon, your description of your sil made me laugh.