to want to get out the bleach?

Tricky one when it's DS house. I very often wash up and tidy at DD's she's never offended. In fact I have a sneaky suspicion she leaves it for me

My house is usually pretty spotless, but a few years ago when I'd been very unwell for a time it was starting to bother me that it was getting a bit grubby. My mother in law offered to pay for a cleaner to come in and help out until I was back on my feet. As it is I recovered well enough to get on with it myself, but I was very grateful for the offer and I absolutely knew there was no intended criticism. If, in a spirit of wanting to give your daughter in law a break, you offered to pay a cleaner for a week/month/one off houseclean would she take offence?

Keep schtumm! - unless you think this is a new departure and hints at the fact that they cannot cope and are wanting help. I know this scenario very well and take the view that they must choose how they live - and children are often much happier in an environment where they can enjoy themselves without someone breathing down their neck about the mess. It's when they import it to your house that it gets a bit sticky - in more ways than one!

My DDs are always happy when I just muck in and do bit of clearing up - especially in the kitchen - but it is important not to impart even the tiniest hint of criticism.

If they had any concerns about it, one of them would probably have said "Excuse the mess, we've been very busy." If they didn't, you are forced to assume that this is how they choose to live.

Do the children em happy?If so, grit the teeth and just enjoy the children.

A difficult one that's for sure, as much as its also my instinct to get the bleach out I think you really need to say nothing. If the kids seem happy and cared for then they won't care how clean things are . Maybe down the road a bit you could ask if there is anything you can do to help around the house.

If they had a good hot water supply, I'd have done some washing-up or cleaned a loo at least.

But said nothing.

Are they both working?

In the context of a tactful discussion about how they are coping generally with the kids, work, life and all.
My DIL is always delighted if I clean, but I would have got very huffy indeed if my MIL had come in an offered to clean.
has there been a big change? Could be a sign that DIL depressed or something?