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Difficulty with new baby

(6 Posts)
tinks27 Fri 08-Nov-13 16:26:50

Three weeks ago I have just become a granny for the first time. Unfortunately my poor daughter-in-law had a very difficult and long labour finishing in an emergency caesar. They live a long way away and we have flown over to visit them just after our grandson was born. He is a lovely little boy - Both my son and daughter in law are in their late thirties and it has been very difficult for them both particularly my daughter in law who is still recovering. She has confided in us that although our son was very positive to start with he is not coping well with lack of sleep and his son's crying. He has been making some very unpleasant comments about her and the baby. i am in a difficult position - if this is true I am angry at my son's selfish behaviour. I have already spoken to him about the importance of supporting her while she recovers and I believe he has been reasonably helpful with cooking etc. My husband says I should keep out of it and let them sort it out for themselves. Andy advice?

JessM Fri 08-Nov-13 16:30:15

tinks maybe the way in is for you or your husband to ask your son how he is finding the strains of new fatherhood and playing the supportive role, rather than telling him off.

Brendawymms Fri 08-Nov-13 16:48:40

Sometimes people believe they are the only ones that are or have been through particular situation. However as we all know we have been through the same or similar situations. Perhaps the son wants to be seen as managing but underneath it all realises he isn't and is blaming those he loves most. Perhaps discussing things in such a way that allows him to see that every generations goes through the same thing with new babies would help.
A half an eye should be kept on the DiL as may be prone to post partium depression following the traumatic birth.

YaYaJen Sat 09-Nov-13 15:04:48

After birth of our first grandson DD used to often say negative things about her OH - if any such observation slipped out of my lips she would shoot me down in flames for being always negative about him....four years on we all get on pretty well..and they both often turn to me for advice, for example went with son in law to very important appointment for youngest GS this week, and despite having to ask him to not leave my car running with keys in and go into the house it all went very smoothly and both said thanks and how helpful I had been..

Guess I am trying to say I find it best to stay neutral, look at what the problems they are facing actually are...the lack of sleep etc and try to find a reliable source of advice like Mumsnet , chatting to others and seeing they are in a similar situation can negate some of the scariness of being new parents for both of them.

We are all learners at the parenting/grandparenting roles and those roles throw up new challenges every step of the way.

Hugs & best wishes

Flowerofthewest Sat 09-Nov-13 15:14:03

Another way is maybe to purchase a book or two on the role of a new dad. There are some amusing ones and more serious. "The Expectant Father" and"The Expectant Dad's Survival Guide" - Rob Kemp. Both give an insight and sometimes amusing ones into the life of a new dad, what not to do and what to do. Hope this helps. Both on amazon and very reasonable.

merlotgran Sat 09-Nov-13 15:35:07

Our SIL who is a brilliant dad reacted in a very strange way to the birth of their son (our first grandchild.) While he was happy to help with all the chores he became withdrawn and unwilling to share the baby - he would scowl if anyone dared to pick him up. We wondered if he was jealous or wanted to keep grandparents at arm's length but it turned out the poor lad was still in shock as DD had haemorrhaged after the delivery and it was a very scary time. You say your DIL had a difficult labour so maybe your son is still feeling anxious?