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(23 Posts)
petra Wed 18-Dec-13 11:59:12

I was going to post something on this thread this morning about OH. But before I did I read the 'cut out of their lives' as I always do. And as always I am refused to tears.
So my stupid stupid gripe has gone. I felt guilty getting angry about something that just didnt matter in the big sceam of things.

Anne58 Wed 18-Dec-13 12:07:28

petra if something or someone has upset you, then it does matter. There will always be people in a worse situation, but bear in mind it's not a competition, just because you think that it's trivial compared to others doesn't diminish your feelings.

(That's come out all wrong, but hopefully you will get my meaning)

Ariadne Wed 18-Dec-13 12:07:48

I have just read that thread too, petra and realised, once again, how very, very blessed I am. The pain must be unbearable.

annodomini Wed 18-Dec-13 12:36:12

Me too, Ariadne. tchsmile

grannyactivist Wed 18-Dec-13 12:39:24

petra as one who has recently written on the 'cut out of their lives' thread let me reassure you. Many things don't really matter in the 'big scheme of things', but in that moment they DO matter to the people who are hurt, angry, upset or in pain - so, permission granted to have a gripe or a whinge about anything you like. tchgrin

petra Wed 18-Dec-13 16:26:07

Just looked at my post. Apologies for awful spelling.
I get what your all saying, but that's me.

Tegan Wed 18-Dec-13 16:38:32

petra; my typos are embarrassing to say the least sad. Your pain/annoyance is your pain/annoyance or whatever. If it's bothering you get it off your chest. If you're like me you'll brood over it for ages and then get even more upset. This is a great place to let rip sometimes.

Kiora Wed 18-Dec-13 17:12:56

Anyway I'm nosey and want to know now! And perhaps the regulars on that thread will be able to offer advice

Ariadne Wed 18-Dec-13 17:13:22

They are all right, petra - we are allowed to feel our own anger and pain, of course. I don't think you were seeing it as a competition, more as a pause to reflect? Which is what I was doing. Other people's pain does not alleviate your own, obviously.

Whe someone tells me that they are in so much more physical pain than I am (happened recently) I was sorry for them, and could see that yes, they were worse off. But my pain remained the same..

Aka Wed 18-Dec-13 17:33:35

That thread frightens me ...

JessM Wed 18-Dec-13 17:42:44

I think there is a difference maybe ariadne between serious personal pain and the kind of minor irritations that we can sometimes get ourselves all worked up about (OH's and their little ways, relatives and their views on xmas etc. - how do these trivial things compare to the suffering of Syrian refugees?)

My DS who has been through a lot finds it helpful to put his own problems into perspective by thinking about others.

Soutra Wed 18-Dec-13 17:56:11

It never makes me feel better to know that others are suffering especially people I love or even just like, but it can help me to feel I am not alone in whatever pain of unhappiness I am experiencing. Solidarity does not make it go away, but it can give one strength. I also think there is nobody on GN who might read someone's post and think "Huh, tell me about it/so you think you've got problems" or whatevder dismissive phrase some people are known to use. So feel free to share whatever it is - if you so wish. flowers

Marelli Wed 18-Dec-13 18:21:33

What the others are saying is quite right, petra. Whether you're despairing, sad or just plain furious about something, you're feeling it at that time. It doesn't make it easier to compare it to others' despair, sadness or anger and tell yourself that you should be counting your blessings.
I had added to the 'Cut out of their lives' thread over the last few days, too. While it's no comfort to know that others are suffering, it does help to hear how they cope and is just so good to see and feel the support that comes over. flowers

petra Thu 19-Dec-13 08:45:20

Ok you nosey lot, lol. Our flat is up for sale. Now I am the original House Doctor. So when people come to view it has to be immaculate.
Yesterday I was on early baby sitting duties. The estate agents have the keys so they can show when we are both out.
I came home, OH had gone out and left TWO DIRTY CUPS in the lounge.
See, I told you, meaningless lol.

grannyactivist Thu 19-Dec-13 08:55:53

Ah! My daughter sold her house recently and she too would have been furious. tchsmile

Kiora Thu 19-Dec-13 09:06:51

Men just don't see it do they. I bet he couldn't understand your annoyance. I hope you sell your flat soon.

Marelli Thu 19-Dec-13 09:20:56

Hopefully the estate agents would have seen the dirty cups and whisked them away, petra! Years ago in a place where I worked, 'important' visitors were being shown round. When they suddenly arrived in our office the girl on the desk next to me grabbed her coffee cup and stuck it in her bag - it was still full of coffee, though tchgrin!

Nelliemoser Thu 19-Dec-13 09:33:30

Petra My sense of perspective gets out of proportion a lot of the time. When it does for me its a "doom and gloom" moment. Such incidents do add up and become a "last straw" to one composure. Don't worry about it we all have these moments.

JessM Thu 19-Dec-13 19:20:21

petra yes, perspective all out of wonk if 2 those cups really got to you. But house selling is stressful and that can do it.

petra Fri 20-Dec-13 06:14:00

The anger levels ent into the stratosphere yesterday. Not with OH but with Solicitors.
We are extending (or were) the lease on our flat. I found a Solicitor who would do it for £300 + vat. We knew that we would have to pay the freeholders Solicitors bill as well.
We received a letter yesterday stating that the the freeholders Solicitors want £850 + vat, and the freeholders agents want £250 + vat.
This is on top of the £6,500 they want for the new lease.
This isn't going to happen! We are going to speak to the other owners in the building and try to take over the lease.

kalexie Fri 20-Dec-13 11:27:38

Good grief, that's a lot of money! I'm not sure what work is involved in extending someone's lease but surely it can't be so much work to justify bills of those amounts???

Riverwalk Fri 20-Dec-13 11:34:38

Leaseholders joining together to buy the freehold takes time - I know as did it in the past. Won't this delay your sale?

petra Fri 20-Dec-13 13:14:39

I have phoned the managing agents and asked if there's any leeway on this.

What makes it even more galling, is that, these same Solicitors made my divorce worse than it needed to be.Grrrrrr. That was 34 years ago. I seem to be like an elephant where Solicitors are concerned.
I have just remembered the first one my ex and I dealt with when we bought our first house.
When we got the Solicitors bill in we didn't have a bean. So we went to the Bank Manager ( do you remember them ) to ask for a lone. He asked to see the bill and pointed out that we had been charged twice for the same thing, written in different jargon. Bless him, HE phoned the Solicitor, and TOLD them to reduce the bill substantially. Those days are one, alas.